This is very difficult for me to admit

I can't explain why but I have no self worth. I know it's silly, especially because I can't figure out why. I feel like I'm the biggest burden on everyone, that I don't deserve anything good to happen to me, least of all love. I assume that anything nice said about me is a lie. I do suffer from depression but this is ridiculous. I don't think there is any way I can emphasize just how bad it is. I'm not just down on myself, it's complete insanity and it needs to end. Honestly, I think I should stay like this because I deserve to be miserable, which makes it impossible to fix, but my friends and family can't handle it. I've tried many different things to make it even a little bit better, even cognitive behavioural therapy, but nothing ever changes. I'm just wondering if anyone has any suggestions, something you think might be worth trying to help this. I would really appreciate it.

 

You asking for help is the proof that you are able to get out of that hell hole that you have dugged in for yourself.
First of all, nothing is wrong with you. I say you live in a beautiful place, North Bay , Ontario. You are 24, living your youth and you have a whole lot of life to look ahead. If you think that you are not to be loved, well, you are right, you are not deserving of just any ordinary love, you deserve the love that is unconditional, pure, you deserve some one who will stay with you in the hard times and the good times... and if you have some one like that then be thankful. Say thank you to your parents, say thank you to your community. Say thanks to God.

The kick the little devil's behind that is telling you that you are not worth anything. You are more powerful than you may think, destroy the ridiculous feelings in you. Heck, I can just sit here and tell you what a beautiful mind you are, because even your avatar is beautiful! Peace and love! peace and love!

 

Jedi you are wise beyond your years.

 

haha you too !

 

You mention that you "suffer from depression." If that is a dignosis from a doctor, I would suggest that you make sure that you see a psychiatrist rather than a GP. Depression can be a symptom of other things and misdiagnosis is common. Getting the right diagnosis is the first step to getting the right treatment which does work.

If its a severe case of the blues, what Jedi said. He is a kind soul and his advise is good.

 

Yes I have been diagnosed by more than one psychologist. I've been in the hospital, I mentioned cognitive behavioural therapy, which is changing the way you think and is done by a mental health professional. I'm also on government disability because I can't work because of my depression and pretty severe ADD. I'm trying to change my entire life, go to school, get a job and all that, but I can't seem to do it when I hate myself so much. Thank you both for offering advice. I am listening to it, I assure you.

 

I too agree with what Jedi said. You do deserve to be loved unconditionally. There have been times in my life that I've felt the same way. It still happens once in a while, but I just keep on truckin'. If I don't hear it from anybody during the day, it helps me to remind myself what a good & honest person I am. It also helps to become part of something, a citizens organization, donate time to help teach adults to read, become a "Big Sister" - anything like that will start helping you feel better about yourself. If you choose to volunteer your time helping someone learn to read, for example, just think how good about yourself you are going to feel when that person looks up at you with a big smile on their face and says "thank you". Little things like helping an older person with their groceries or cross the street can lift you preception of your self worth greatly. I wish you well, I feel one day soon you will beat this beast called depression, it just takes time. If ever you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me. Blessed Be!

 

I know that I'm a lot younger than you are, so my advice may not mean much...but here goes:
I've been through this ...and, I'm not EXACTLY sure what changed my mind to just motivate myself and bring myself back up on my feet again, but I can tell you some things that really helped keep me in balance:
First of all, you have to WANT to get out of this...which it sounds like you do. The best thing you can do first, is learn how to balance things. I always found myself either getting OVERLY excited over something good, or OVERLY depressed over something bad... and both aren't good. You have to find a way that's right for you to balance it out, and cope with things. A lot of people don't see it this way, but you have to cope with good things as well... A lot of control is needed, and if you want out of this badly enough, you'll work at it, trust me.
Secondly, I explored different activities and such that made me feel calmer and better about myself. One thing that helped was meditation. Another thing that helped me EXTREMELY was joining Karate. I think things like karate, self defense and the like are extremely good for some confidence-boosting for women... More so, Karate [if you find a good class/sensei] teaches you balance. I've learned different ways of breathing through Karate that can help you in times of panic, depression, etc... it calms your "wild spirit" ... Another great aspect of doing something to that effect is it makes you feel strong. As soon as you can see that you're strong enough to defend yourself, something about it just makes you feel overall better about yourself, and I can't explain it...it's something you have to experience to know what I mean. Going along with that idea, focusing your attention on ANYTHING other than your sadness is a great way to get rid of it, or at least to the point where it's not a nagging feeling day in and day out. For some people art or writing REALLY helps, but if you're the kind of person that is an extreme perfectionist when it comes to things you create... then I wouldn't suggest that. [I tried art for therapy uses, and all it did was make me feel worse when I ended up with a result that was less than expected of myself]
I believe that EVERYONE has self worth, but some tend to lose track of it...all you have to do is find it.

Do something that makes you feel good about yourself...whether it's helping people, animals, environment, or whatever cause you believe in...doing something that makes you feel like a better person is a foolproof way to give yourself some "self-worth"

No one can tell you exactly how to handle it, you have to find it for yourself... but all listed above are just suggestions based on my own personal experience. If you try them out and they don't work for you...don't give up, keep exploring.

One way you can find what it is that you need to boost yourself back up again, is to THINK. As soon as your bad feelings settle in, don't ignore them...think about them...think about why you might feel this way...what could possibly reduce those feelings, etc. Think about it day in and day out until you find your solution. People always thought I was crazy because I "thought too much".... but in the end, that's what saved me.

I have faith that you'll be okay if you TRY. If you're still interested in therapy, finding a therapist that helps you is a process... you have to find someone that you can talk to easily, someone that suits your personality, etc. Not all therapists will help...and not all therapists are in their field of work for the right reasons either. Don't give up, girl...keep trying. It will be a long, hard road out of it... but it will all pay off.

<3

 

You know karate?! haha , thats great!. And you are right- anything that takes us away from sadness helps. I was in my own dug up hole in high school, but as soon as I started college things changed. I got busy, met new people, got jobs, actually saw challenge in school. So, it helps to have that experience.

Electrica, I suggest that you get a job, that way you can put yourself to work and become busy that way, living/working only at home can create alot of distress.

 

Yeah, getting out and working really helped me to get out of a very, very deep hole. I had the chance and go to Yemen, and work there in an international school as art teacher for two month, and that really healed me. I got so much positive feedback, that there was no other posibility then accepting myself, and loving myself, and being proud of who I am and what I can do.

You have to find something you love doing. Try out new things if you can't think of anything now. And invest your energy in work instead of in negative thoughts. believe me, that will help. Maybe a new sourrounding can help too.

 

lol yes i know karate...
definitely, do anything to consume your time and focus on something else.

good luck <3

 

I actually can't work, that's another one of the problems I'm trying to fix. I get pretty bad panic attacks. I do try to keep myself busy with other things. I write and paint constantly. I intend to be either a writer or a painter or both when I get past this. Karate does sound like a lot of fun, but I haven't got the money. I was in voice and guitar lessons and I absolutely loved having something to do, but I had to quit when I went broke.
I should admit that the hating myself isn't something I did entirely to myself. I used to really love myself, I never doubted myself, but I let myself be beaten down. I take full responsibility for it.

 

apples+oranjes is right on. i'd really suggest volunteering at your local animal shelter. i like to go to the humane society and walk/exercise the dogs, and i dig giving attention to the cats, especially the ones that don't get a lot of contact. if you have anxiety/panic attacks, especially in social situations, this might be a real good route, because you're really just interacting with dogs and cats. it really makes you feel loved and appriciated! especially when, say, an agressive cat leaps into your arms and nuzzles you and purrs, or you ease the pain of an abused dog so it can find a good home. if nothing else, walking dogs = exercise in the sunshine. and it's free.

 

I know what you mean, I just started volunteering at our local animal shelter and I feel great. And I feel special when an anti-social cat approaches me the second I walk in the room...that happened recently and I feel the need to boast because I feel special lol

Volunteering doesn't cost money, you should think about trying it [to electrica, that is]