sometimes i feel like i really want to die. im not some goth kid doing this to be trendy but i really am unhappy with the person i am and i cant change it. i hate the world i live in. i hate everything. i hate my friends. i hate the hot girls that i cant talk to. i dont know who i want to be anymore!! why cant anything be simple? even my unhappiness isnt clear to me. sometimes before i go to bed i look at myself and i think i just want to stop living completely. i want to cut myself off from this world and have everyone forget i existed. i dont even know why i think this, i just know that it overwhelms me sometimes. and you know what the worst thing is ?! nobody fucking understands! i tell my friends that i go into waves of depression or whatever and all they can fucking say is "man, cheer up" or "whatever, lets go smoke a bowl" and i always hate myself for hating others, my parents have always loved me and whatever but every now and then i just fucking HATE them. i cant stand to be around them. nobody understands me. i dont even understand me. death is so much simpler then life. why dont we all die? and you know what people i cant fucking stand? those rich, popular, faggot fake-stoners who contaminate my school and the world i live in. i always act so nice to them when in the back of my head im thinking about smashing their stupid little pimple-less faces into a locker. i know its wrong to hate people for no reason but i just cant stop myself from hating. i hate everyone! fuck, now i cant even finish complaining because its fucking fathers day and i have to go out for lunch with my family. this is always the worst. the whole time my parents just bombard me with questions and its always the same shit! "so, jake, ya glad yer finished grade 9?" or "so, jake, what do ya think of that girl across the street" and the whole time im just thinking of running away from them and smoking a joint.
If I were you, I'd take a step out of high school. I mean, school is such a temporary thing anyway. I've just graduated, but I dealt with it by looking into other things...traveling, keeping up with world events, reading, and writing. If you think your life is horrible, perhaps you should volunteer at your local homeless shelter or sponsor a child overseas. These types of things can help you realized how blessed you really are. It can also help you get your mind off of yourself and your own problems. I would also lay off the pot for a while, as it is not meant to be an anti-depressant. In actuality, in some people it can make them more depressed after they've smoked because they're so used to being high reality seems to suck. -Kate
ive been volunteering for this organiozation that delivers food to homeless people in a van to fill up my community service hours for school. to be perfectly honest, it didnt do much for me... the truth is, my life is probably very blessed compared to others. the thing is all i can focus on is the emptiness. i feel as though the only future that humans can have is conformity and i dont want that for myself. i dont want to live like i live; in a nice neighbourhood with two cars in the driveway and a spacious living room. a lot of the times it seems like the only way to really separate yourself from society is to expand your mind via psychadelic drugs. this is the second thread ive made about this and now im feeling like a shouldnt have written it. im much less angry right now though. im actually feeling rpetty good for some reason
Well, think about this: In order to be considered a non-conformist, one must conform to another's ideals (or your own ideals) of what a non-conformist is. Therefore, it is impossible to be a true non-conformist. However, that doesn't mean that your life must consist of 2.5 kids and a house with a white-picket fence. You are free to live your life any way you choose. If, after you leave home, you realize that your life still sucks, you will have no one to blame but yourself. -Kate
i totally agree. see? by making that comment he proved to himself that hes not the only one thats misunderstood...
i get tired of people thinking goth or freak people just believe in suicide or they are the only people that have actually done it.. WHATEVER..... peace chickens
i dont think it was hurtful at all. i think true goths should no more than anyone that most goths only talk the talk and dont walk the walk. that is to say, more of any movement consists more of posers. however, the purpose of this thread was not to insult goths so i am sorry to anyone i offended.
This is what you have to realize ... you CAN change it. There is a way to change almost anything. Believe me, I was a hardcore computer nerd when I was 13 years old. I came home from school, programmed on a computer for 3 hours, ate dinner, programmed for another 3 hours, went to bed, woke up 2 hours early, programmed for ANOTHER hours, then went to school, where I *wrote programs in pencil in my notebook to type in when I got home.* I had virtually no social life, but I've changed that. I got rid of my acne by cutting out all sugar in my diet for a month, I reduced my huge lower lip by learning to bite it back naturally (where I stunted its growth and it stopped growing while the rest of me continued to grow). I didn't like my lack of muscle, so I started working out. You can change almost anything about yourself, you just have to learn how to do it! If you don't try, you will never succeed. Amen! You and me both, brother. This is what you must find out, above all else. What do you like? What is unique about you? Nothing? Then it's about time to go make something unique about you! I kind of liked medieval times, and stuff about honour and chivalrie and crap; so I made that me! Now I'm as close to a half-knight half-samurai as I can possibly be, and I'm making improvements as I get older and wiser. You don't have to know who you want to be right now; you just have to go out and try new things, in order to get a taste for them to find out what you want to be. =) You may find it hard to believe, but I do. I hate it when people say things like, "whatever man, we all go through it, cheer up, let's go do this-or-that." It's not like that, people don't get it. It isn't like that for anyone. The most important thing is to tell exactly what bothers you to someone, and have them help you find a solution to the problem. =) That helps me a lot of the time, if I have some internal struggle. I find that a lot of the time, nobody understands BECAUSE I don't tell them, so when I do, they start to understand, and that makes me feel a lot better. I hate 99% of all people. I hate society; believe me, I do. I don't even associate with it much anymore, I just kind of stay in my own little world, with the few people that are remotely like me, and they all hate society too. Welcome to being a hippie; the forgotten, the castaways. People like you, and I, and some of the people on these forums, we need to stick together. Well if its any consolation, I hate my father quite a bit. Not even because of the dumb bullshit questions, but because he never has anything good to say about me. When I get A's, he says good. When I get B's, he says I can do better. When I get C's, he gets close to pummeling the shit out of me, and he DOES do that if I ge D's. Well, not anymore, now that I had him listed as a child abuser for a year, because I reported to my old high school one of the hundreds of fights we had. I could have gotten him more. Lots of people are in similar situations, because parents suck nowadays. You need to just isolate yourself from them; just keep fantasizing about smoking that joint far away from them, and when you get the chance, DO it! Don't let them control your life; it's your life to live, and if you can't make them understand that, then live it anyway in spite of them. That's what I do. My dad actually booked a cruise to some place in the Caribbean for my family this year. The tickets were $1500 per person. He didn't tell me about it beforehand. So you know what? I told him he can fuck off, that I'm not going on the trip, that MY life is not HIS to book as he sees fit, and that he's a shithead for not paying a dime for my college education while he wants to take me on vacation. That's kind of harsh, but if that's what you have to do to make them realize it, go for it. People like you make this world beautiful, when you purposefully don't conform. =) We need to tell all the people in this world that represent conformity to fuck off, and then do something that doesn't conform. Wear your T-shirt inside out, wear your jeans backwards, do whatever you need to to make it known that you aren't one of everyone else, and tell them all to go to hell if they don't like it. They can't do anything about it anyway. Sometimes, it's good to conform. But if you always conform, then who are you? Nobody. So make sure you don't always conform; mix it up! That's what makes you YOU. They aren't goths. I know some people who are true gothic, but they're capable of dealing with depression and suicidal tendencies. The fake goths, the goths that are part of "society" are the posers. But they are only goths because society calls them goths. All you have to do is stand up and say, "You're not a goth, you're just a poser." And you know what, to you, they're not goths anymore. =) They're just dumbassess. Let them be dumbasses, you don't need society anyway!
hikky z gave some pretty detailed advice that i im not sure i can top. but lets start from scratch, your life sucks you "cant" change who you are, you dont even know who you want to be and as a result you're depressed. why not pick up some dice? for each number (1- 6 or 1 - 12) assign a personality, for example 1, you'll be a "goth" 2 you will be a rude asshole 3, you'll be as polite as possible 4 you will be as quite as possible and avoid talking to anyone 5 you will talk to everyone and anyone! and 6 you will be a nerd and obsess about study. you can roll the dice on a 50 50 where you will (act) be happy or depressed, smart or stupid etc. roll the dice to see if you will talk to the hot chick you "cant" talk to, you can give whatever odds you like, a 1 in 6, 2 in 6, 50-50 whatever. it works, effectivly you will be braking down you're personality and you can "be" anyone you want whenever you want and what do you have to lose? your life sucks remember warning: may induce schitzophrenia!
