tabitha, I believe

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by fulmah, Jun 1, 2005.

  1. fulmah

    fulmah Chaser of Muses

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    I saw you here in hell’s halls,
    all blue eyed and platinum fried,
    seismically stiletto stepping
    through this white collar zoo,
    your hips turning heads,
    implanting taboo.

    Déjà vu…

    At a coffee house,
    during a sudden storm
    on a midsummer’s eve,
    at a mosaic topped table
    on a heart-pine patio…
    Tabitha, I believe?

    Your step paused,
    you flashed back,
    it flushed your face
    and enlivened eyes,

    so let’s leave,
    we can make moves
    over daiquiris downtown
    at that place in the park
    the scrapers surround
     
  2. saffronfrancisburnet

    saffronfrancisburnet Member

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    hi
    this is a very good picture in words....

    your heart answers in this
    your head also.

    lovenpeace from saff....
     
  3. TrippinBTM

    TrippinBTM Ramblin' Man

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    I like the way you set the scene, in a way indirectly, but perfectly. I like the rhymes too. Nice work.
     
  4. Major Peacenik

    Major Peacenik Member

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    implanting taboo! nice one.
     
  5. EternalHunter

    EternalHunter Member

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    This made me laugh! Daring and subtle, I love it!
     
  6. osiris

    osiris Senior Member

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    *a thin smile*. Yes. And don't forget about the snake.
     
  7. gdhmomchild

    gdhmomchild Duct tape abuser

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    Nicely caught moment. Absolutely loved the first stanza.
     
  8. sylvanlightning

    sylvanlightning Prismatic Essence

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    The first stanza exudes a since of power and stealth. You can feel the magnetism. I enjoyed how it moved, for me, to a seeing her again out of the work environment... this being my favorite stanza

    She is flattered with your rememberance and the evening opens to you both in the heart of the city. Very well done. Good flow and pace. I love watching as people shed skins with each new environment or person. Thanks
     
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