Hi all. Some of you might know me and Jaycee from around the forums. Well i took a pregnancy test on saturday and it came out positive.... it wasnt really a shock... inside me i kind of knew.... thing is... its left me scared.... incredibly so. Me and jaycee have talked lots and lotd and we both just dont know what to do. I mean im not anti abortion, or anti adoption. Personally i would never choose adoption while a father was envolved so that leaves keeping it... or aborting. Thing is im at university just finishing my first year, and jaycee works as a graphics designer... life isnt perfect for a kid.... but it would be possible. However it would be hard... and we are both very young. On the other hand.... the idea of having a child... it makes me smile... and the idea of an abortion... petrifies me. we are both stuck, and have no one to talk to about this really. ...just looking for some friendly help and advice and if anyone can sujjest things we need to take into consideration whilst making this big descision.... would be very appreciated. We havent been to the doctors yet as we have been working all weekend at the fair ground (for extra cash) One more thing, it would be only a few weeks in i think but ive been feeling woozy all day and in car journeys (unlike me) and been having uncomfortable belly pains (i though they were period pains til i took the test) and things.... Jaycee said this isnt normal :s Any words would be appreciated... thank you xox PS (i'm 18 and he's 21... not that that makes much difference but you see the situation clearer)
The woozyness and the pains are perfectly normal for some people. My aunt and uncle were in a situation like yours. They were both young, and didn't think that theirs was the best envoirnment for a kid to grow up in. They opted for adoption, and now their daughter is married and lives somewhere in the north. She comes down to visit sometimes. If you think that a kid would have trouble growing up in your family right now, I think you should let someone adopt it. After all, everyone deserves a chance at a good life.
i find it really hard to give or even get advice on this. When I found out I was pregnant I was scared to death at first and I kept thinking about if it was really fair to the baby the things I was going through. I am against abortion so that was definatly out of the question. I couldn't see giving up my child either. I know how strong I am and how I know that my child would get what he needs and deserves before anything for myself. I grow more excited every day and the doubts aren't even there anymore (well occasionally they pop in my head) I also have the love and support from my family and Measa's so that helps a lot. but everyones situation is different. I don't know if my ramble helped at all but I wish you the best with whatever you decide and lots of love!
some people say, you can wait very long until things are 100% perfect for a kid. Then again, there are better and worse situations where you can become parents. Maybe try to get some counseling, they can tell you a lot about what's like and what support is available. It is not all that bad, having kids as a student. When you go out to seek for a job, your little one is out of most trouble, and doesn't need you anymore 24/7. As a student one ist probably a little more flexible when it comes to time managemen. It depends on the subject though too. But hey, the choice is yours. Talk to people. Find other students that have babies. Are there any Programmes for Mamas at your uni?
Well here is my situation, funny you mentioned yours because i too am going to school and just finished my first year and i am due june 30th so i was pretty much pregnant the whole 2 semesters. i already have a two year old daughter from a previous relationship and he has a 4 year old daughter from another relationship as well. at first, he wanted me to abort so i looked into it, against my better judgement and gut feeling. it has been something that has bothered me since he mentioned it. a big hurt but i understand why he felt that way at first. he has come around a lot but even lately the pressure has been on since i am so close to my due date. plus we already have kids, he had his first when he was only 17 and i was only 21 with my first child. i chose to keep my child even though i knew the father would not be in the picture at all. in fact, it actually turned out better that way in my case because then i don't have to deal with custody battles and child support and crap like that, legal stuff ya know. i am going to tell you some realities about what i have found, some of you may not like to hear it. i am not going to sugar coat it. you will lose your freedom. but making a decision like abortion is something that you will live with for the rest of your life, just like choosing to keep the baby. now is the time to really listen to your instinct and make a mature decision because you engaged in an adult act of love. i believe things happen for a reason and i try to maintain a positive attitude. i managed to have part time job at the food co-op and go to school full time where i walked to and fro everyday, even in the winter to save money and stay fit. i have cut back my hours and now am quitting for maternity leave soon, about 2 weeks. I have some support but i will tell you, no matter how much support you have, you have to establish it in yourself first. can you really do this? i mean the outcome is beautiful and i love babies. but it will teach you about your life and the sacrifice you will make. even going to school is a sacrifice for me right now because when i had a huge exam or paper due, i pretty much depended on my partner to watch the kids so i could study or i would feel guilty about not spending the needed time with them and put off my school work, leaving me with average grades when i could be doing so much better with A's. i will say that being a single mom has it's benefits when it comes to school . i am attending the states most prestigious and expensive school for about a 1/3 of what everyone else is paying and if i go into nursing, or the medical field, then they will pay back my stafford loans. going to school and having kids is difficult but not impossible, it actually taught me how to manage my time better and really know how much i can handle and do. i was superwoman for finals, and accomplished so much. people i know that don't have kids had to get extensions on their work and i completed everything on time, rushed, but on time. how far along are you? i almost thought about doing a herbal abortative combination tea to remove the fetus because i thought it would be less invasive and more ritual and spiritual. i found a recipe for it in my herbal books. i study herbs as well because of my job i have taken courses in herbals. just a suggestion... i chose to keep the baby though and didn't even try this. i really want this baby at times then others i feel that i am losing that connection with the baby because of the stress in my life with my partner yelling at me and dealing with my two year old's tantrums. we have family close so that helps, but we try our best to do what we can within our nuclear family to solve problems and to stick with their routines. it's a little different that we are blending families, but we are doing pretty good i think. it gets hectic at times but we all love each other very much and for the most part the girls really get a long nicely, but not at first. i am rambling. i hope you really thing this one through. i had to and i question my decision at times, but i know i can do it. i think adoption is a choice to also consider if you can. it would be hard but at least you did not abort the baby. there are always people willing to adopt babies, most prefer it. you could really bring joy to some man or woman who has maybe tried for years to concieve and could not so adoption is a positive thing. i would say i am pro choice but i myself obviously could not make this choice for myself. the kids are really excited for me to have the baby, so i couldn't give the baby up for adoption even if i really wanted to, it would break their little hearts. so it will be nice having their help too. it sorta links our whole family together in a way. good luck to you pm me if you need love all around, chill
Thank you everyone. Ok as far as adoption goes i could never ever ever do that whilst i knew there was a father in the situation. For i feel that if i was to give birth not olnly would i be looking at the baby second guessing my descision but so would someone else. And i couldnt go through the pregnancy and birth just to then give it up... i'd want to love it and ook after it. im so so tempted to just screw everything and have this baby but at the same time i know things are so so much more difficult than that. What ever choice i make will effect me for ever. im so confused... what i just want to do is curl up in a little ball and get a big big hug from my step mummy... but she doesnt know yet.. and i cant tell her without telling my dad because that unfair on her... but i dont want to dissapoint my dad. i move back in with them in a few weeks so i guess they will realise sooner or later :s
if you have such a good relationship with your stepmom, why not talk to her! Don't see her as your dad's wife, but as somebody who is a good friend in the situation, an experienced women you can probably help you, at least with a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig Hug! Talk to somebody! Talking sometimes makes things clearer then just roumouring thoughts all day long.
It is very normal. I felt like this will all my pregnancies. The cramping should not be accompanied by bleeding, but often as the uterus gets used to the fetus, there are cramps similar to menstrual pain. Feeling dizzy or nauseaous is also common. I can't give you advice about what to do. Only you know what is best for you. I am sorry you having such a difficult time. I wish there was something that could help you. Talk to someone in your area, a doctor or a midwife maybe, and see what your options are, and what you really feel is the best decision. There will always be doubts, no matter what decision you make. ((((((((((Fleasy)))))))))
thanks you maggie.... i respect your advice very highly as i've seen how much help you are to other women on here.
I can't give advice for you, hon, as I have never actually had to make those decisions. But I do know that I love my boyfriend, and also how I feel about children and all... If it were me, I'd say screw the consequences and have the baby...But only you know what's right for you *hugs*
Fleassy, I had my first babe at 18. I wasn't going to school...I had been living in a small studio apartment with my boyfriend (Sage's dad) for a few months. I worked bussing tables at a restaraunt down the street p/t. We partied every night and my boyfriend had just gotten through spending a month in jail when I found out that I was pregnant. I was having the thoughts that you are having among others. I couldn't bring myself to have an abortion. I just couldn't do it. So I started researching into what kinds of help there was out there. I think my situation was a little different than yours. I moved into government housing for over a year. Sage's dad and I ended up splitting up. I went to college for two years, after Sage was born, only to put it on hold before I could get my degree. I was a single mom who worked full-time for 3 yrs. I have to tell you I can't think of one time that I regretted my decision to have him. I regretted a lot of things, but that wasn't one of them. Man, it was hard though! It helped to make me the person I am today. I have a loving husband and now another child. I never finished school, but that's okay, because that's been put on the back burner until my kids get older, and I am one of the most privilaged of parents, because I can now stay home with my kids and be their primary care provider. I just wanted you to know that things will work out, no matter what your decision is. Keep your head up and try not to stress too much!!! Things will fall into place.
Hi all Right a descicion must be made... and so we talked... and i cried lots... and we thought and we talked. It seems as much as we both love the beautiful and romantic ideals of having a child... and i crave to feel a baby growing inside me.... we both realise that now is niether the right time in our lifes nor is it a good situation for a child. I went to the doctor's today, im having an abortion on the NHS and a consultation has been arraged for friday. .. i cried when she called it a termination of pregnancy .... it brought reality to the situation, the sterile and unsympathetic way the doctors must deal with things. to those of you who private messaged me, thank you so much for your support and for those who mentioned herbal abortiants ... me and jaycee looked at what you said and read through the idea of it..... to me if felt like plotting a murder... poisoning myself. i see the natural side of it... but i'd would be petrified of it going wrong and being left with a baby with severe problems due to my own doings. What ever i decided would leave me with emotional scars.. this way i feel is the right way for me at the moment though. Maybe in a few years, when we have somewhere o live, even if its a van, and when we have lived our own lifes a bit parhaps we will decide the time is right. I realised that if i wanted to have a baby i wanted to revel in every moment of being pregnant and love the child that was growing inside me... not resent it in any way for coming at an inappropriate time. its unfair of me to do that. When i have a baby i will love it deeper than anythining my life.... but at the moment... i guess im still a baby myslef. im still scared, and the belly pains worry me.. and i got a thick browny disscharge last night ... and iwas worried... even though i knew the descision had been made .. i was worried. My maternal instincts are having to be held back and its hard to do let me tell you. Thank yopu all again Fleassy x
Fleassy~ Hang in there girl! You sound like you have really thought through things and that you have made a descision that will be the best for you right now. It's a VERY hard descision to make and I am sure that you will be fine with the support and love of the ones you love around you. Good luck Fleassy, you are a wonderful women! Hugs~
Blessings, Fleasy. I don't blame you for not wanting to go herbal on this decision. It is dangerous, more dangerous, in a lot of ways than a medical termination. I hope you heal quicky, sweetie. Hugs and love on this difficult decision, Maggie
thank you... im still doubting the desicion... but i guess its the right one to do... confusions a hard thing to untangle but lots of tears are appearing hehe damn hormones. I guess what makes it hard is for months and months while ive been with jaycee (we've been together a year and a bit) ive dreampt of becoming a mummy... and what it would be like and how amazing it would feel... and we had a scare and when it was negative we were both slightly dissapointed... but now we are actually in the situation and reality is bashing us across the head.... its hard to work out whats right.
Give yourself a few more days to think this through. Many girls end up in severe depression over having an abortion. If you think that you might regret this later at all, just please think things through a little bit more. Tell your family and listen to what they have to say. You may end up getting a lot more support than you expect. I would totally understand if you still decided to go through with it. You want to give your baby (when you want to have one) the best life possible, but sometimes things happen for a reason. I'm so sorry about everything. I've been there and I know the tears just don't stop. Take some time to take care of yourself and rest. I know this is hanging over your head like a black could, but for right this second, even for an hour or two, I suggest taking some time to do something that will make you feel good. There's nothing you can do right this very second anyway, so why not try to make the best of the moment? When your head feels a little better and clearer, talk with Jaycee and maybe some family. Then I think you'll be in a better state of mind to make this decision. Not that you are out of it right now, but you seem to be doubting yourself. It's a really tough one. Either way, it's going to be hard and I will keep you in my thoughts. Stay strong, sister. Take care of heart and soul and think everything through. Good luck.
*hugs* Not that a depressing story will make you feel any better, but i agree that an herbal abortion (on your own) is not the way to go. When a friend of my husband's heard we were having baby #3, she confided in him that she was once pregnant, and her boyfriend and she decided they didn't want to be parents yet, so she found the information she needed to terminate the pregnancy herself. It didn't work. They took it as a sign that they were meant to have that child, and their entire outlook on parenthood changed. Unfortunately, the damage was done, and though the child was living, it was clear from the ultrasound that it wouldn't stay that way. Along with the pain any mother would feel at the loss of a child, she had to also deal with the fact that she had done this herself, to her own child, who she had grown to love and want. I would never encourage someone to have an abortion, but if it's the choice you've made, do it early, and professionally.
hey fleassy, you are being so brave over all this. but if you have doubts dont do it. i fell pregnant with my son 6 months into my degree. i left the course, as i felt it wasnt right anyway, but hun you have your first year almost done right? you can take a break from study, and still keep that first year done, it doenst mean the end of your education, im back at college at night, keeping my brain in gear, and im going back in 2006. we had no home, no money and it looked like the end of things for a bit, but trust me, any resentment or worry you feel will lessen, and then you will meet you child and see them grow and it wont be so bad. i was in your situation, i live in essex/east london, i know how hard it is to lose an income or survive on what little the gov gives you, (my hubby is ill and cant work so were stuck at the mo) but its possible to get everything you want. in my belief children come when they are ready, not you, and im not a dreamy idealist at all, im living it right now, im struggling, but im on my way and you will be too. you sound to me like you have doubts, you may feel relived that its arranged, but are you gonna be ok with it afterwards. i had to decide that when they told me both i and my baby could die at in my pregnancy if things carried on the way they were, it would have been a relief to not be pregnant believe me. but we are ok, and im so glad i didnt take doctors advice. or my families, who all told me, its the wrong time, you have to study now, you will regret it ect. Peace be with you whatever your descision honey.
