The Shadow in the Light You read it but the words mean nothing You hear it but it does not translate You taste it but it's flavor you do not You smell it but the odor is just that You feel it but all is smooth You know it but you do not understand Your perception deceives you It is a cloak that hides the truth Paint that covers the blank easel with meaning All that you see All that you sense All that you know It is all a lie An elaborate illusion by a master magician You may see But you are blind There is dark hidden beneath the lights The only way to see it is with the lights off The lights will confuse you They will show you your surroundings And distract you from what really matters Who you are is not affected by where Only once we can shut the lights off can we see All that which matters All that you love All that you hate You are the passion inside Imprisoned within a slave Chained up by what he knows His understanding is your constraint The key to your freedom is a little switch Turn off the lights All you have to do to see is close your eyes To hear, stop listening To taste, stop chewing To smell, stop sniffing To feel, let go To know, forget
"The key to your freedom is a little switch." i think that's a good line. also, "To feel, let go. To know, forget." i like the way it reminds me of zen. don't know if that's what you intended? but it has a nice spiritual tone to it.
Paint that covers the blank easel with meaning There is dark hidden beneath the lights The only way to see it is with the lights off The lights will confuse you They will show you your surroundings And distract you from what really matters Who you are is not affected by where Only once we can shut the lights off can we see All that which matters The key to your freedom is a little switch Enjoyed this, reposted my favorite parts. Hope you repost it when you are done with it, ty~*
It is extremely weak at performance and word-usage, yet you do transpose your ideas clearly; maybe a tad too clearly. I felt that this poem was too superficial.
Hey um may you have been listening to some floyd while lisntin to this? Sounds like you were, but thats cool if you were, not saying you ripped it off but you took their idea and made it your own, which i respect, cause its telling us how you feel about a song.
too superficial? I never got that.... I'm kinda new too poetry... what do you mean about weak at performance? oh, and thanks for the criticism
no actually I never really listened to Pink Floyd, I watched The Wall once, and I've been meaning to download some stuff.... all the more reason I guess
I mean that you are trying to portray higher ideas in such an obvious and un-poetic form that they make no impact.
oh.... I didn't notice any of that.... the only thing I see about what I posted here is a little chunkiness but I refined it... I did change alot of the wording too... I'll repost when I'm completely done maybe you can tell me if you like it better...
Thank you for sharing. Your words are ripe with meaning. I'm reminded by wise saying: " Let thine eye be single and thy body will fill with light " I know the thine and thy is archaic but it felt right.
Yeah I feel ya Rubin, but Duck, you've got some good lines -- "Paint that covers the blank easel with meaning" and all -- but your poem too long and thin, ya dig? Like that thing that Bilbo Baggins said -- "like butter scraped over too much bread." Condense it, man.
I kinda understand what you are saying but I'm not sure if it would make it better or not, I'll probably make a shorter version, and compare it with this one I kinda don't want to mess with it too much because I made it very fast and it was I guess kinda out of passion, I feel like if I mess with it too much I'll take that away.
