a story of confusion

hey, not sure if I'm writing this to vent or to add to the board. I'm really just looking for some feedback. I'm 19 and I'm beginning to think that I'm (at least) Bi. Around 13 I started dressing in guys clothes. My mom came to me one day and asked me if I was gay. At the time I was hurt and offended by the question and made an effort to dress more "feminine". I've had 4 lesbians/ bi girls over the past couple of years and either hit on me or ask me to "admit" I liked girls, including one of my closest friends. This kind of scared me too and I completely shut off the option in my head. Since my junior year of highschool I've felt the need to tell anyone I know that I'm not a lesbian to save the question later. I've had maybe 3 crushes on guys and aside from a date or two have never had a relationship. Quite frankly guys kind of scare me somtimes (I mean sexually, I like hanging out with them and all). That all changed this year when I met a really great guy and fell in love with him. I think I subconsciously knew he was gay the entire time and I'm now wondering if I fell in love with his more feminie qualities. He came out about a month ago, and we've been talking alot about it (he's still my best friend and I quickly became accepting of this role). About a week ago, in the midst of one of these conversations I said "thinking about sex with women just makes me gag!" which I knew was a complete lie. I went home that night and though A LOT about what I've been doing to myself. In that short amount of time I've begun to feel like a missing piece of me has come into place. I'm also finding (to be a bit personal) that I'm more excited thinking about girls then guys. I don't know if that's a preference or if it's just because I've denyed myself that for so long. I'm still not completely sure how I feel but I think that sexuality isn't something we should put so many labels on & from now on I'm just gonna go with the flow. I'm looking forward to maybe trying a relationship with a woman. This story really doesn't have a point other then to allow me to vent (and I guess it's sort of on topic) so I guess a good "moral" or w/e would be to trust your gut and not worry so much about what others think.

 

your situation sounds really simliar to mine! confusing isnt it?!

 

I know that it's easy talking for me..
but you shouldn't worry so much.
don't think about what your sexual preference might be
just go with your gut.
If you'll fall in love with a girl, you'll fall in love with a girl.
If you'll fall in love with a boy, you'll fall in love with a boy.
No biggie.

just.. don't shut yourself off of anything.
but I guess I'm only saying what you've already realised yourself.

 

well good for you for taking that time to be honest with yourself.

 

Dear TheBirdHasFlown,
I know how you feel, at least I think I do. For a long time I tried to convince myself of my straighthood but eventually the longing for women just became overwhelming and I had to admit to myself that I might just be a little less than heterosexual. Then I let myself go and started fantasizing about women and found that it was so many times more erotic than fantasizing about men! I couldn't believe it, I was bisexual. I guess you grow into it, but its best to be honest with yourself and others. I'm happy for your self discovery.

 

Thanks so much! You pretty much hit the nail on the head. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who's done this.

 

Oh, you're definitely not! The feeling is more mutual than you can possibly imagine!

 

I agree with Sabel. Being bi means that you have the capacity to fall in love with any person who appeals to your heart and soul, regardless of whether that person is male or female.

Consider it a blessing, rather than a curse.

-- Skeeter