K, so yeah, hubby's in the military, and I'm bi. Yeah we're married and I'm monogomous, but dammit I'm bi...that's who I am, that's not going to change. I've BEEN open about it with everyone but my parents (just can't go there yet). And when the Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell policy comes up in convo on other boards (military based), and things inevitably go to shit with all these stupid stereotypes and myths about GBL people, I try to chime in, from the perspective of a bi woman, who's totally normal, to give my opinions. Big deal. It's usually not! Usually there are people who are very receptive to my views, or they just ignore that part of the post completely. But I joined one recently specifically for wives...a different one than the one I usually post on...and the ONE time I mention it...in ONE sentence about how someone once said I could get hubby in trouble being bi, the WHOLE convo about the DADT policy turned on me! What the hell!? I probably won't be frequenting there anymore...which is a shame cause I really liked it...but they are just too much. I mean WOAH. GRRRRRR.... And hubby wants to be a lifer....yikes....me and the mil...it's gonna be a long strange trip.
That is very strange I wouldn't think that it would matter at all since you are not the one in the military and honestly I thought they would've gotten rid of that stupid policy anyway.
My Daughter-in-law is bi. My Son is in the Air Force. She is fairly open about it they live off base I don't know if that helps or not but she doesn't make much effort to hide it in any way. Her 2 lovers rode in the family car for example at the funeral I just of my Grandson. There were plenty of brass there. One night I was there one of them was with us as we went about town & my Daughter-in-law & her held hands, hugged & kissed openly in various places like the restaurant we were at & Wal-Mart. OK, again, those aren't on base but the town is definitely a military town. What I saying is around town it doesn't seem she sure doesn't seem to hide it at all. From what I can tell no one has given my Son or her any trouble about this. Maybe somehow all of this gets under that particular bases gaydar, I can't say. They are about to be transfered. Now newsgroups are an entirely different thing. We all know that we say things online that we wouldn't say other places. It sounds like this group you encountered has a pervasive homophobia. It's sad when we run into that. I have seen it on other groups & in fact look how many times homophobia even shows it's vile head around here. We happen to be a cohesive group that takes care of the fools when it happens but if that wives group have an ethos of homophobia someone who doesn't fit into their shallow thinking box I could see them rallying around to defend themselves from the outsider. Of course all of this doesn't have to happen at all. The whole DADT thing is pernicious at best. Sadder yet is that it is an improvement over what the military did before. At least the witch hunts aren't still happening. We all know that GLBT liberation needs to happen in the military. There is a long way to go yet.
in military parlance .. the service member is responsible for the the actions of their dependents. For instance, you (non-member) shoplift in the BX, then you husband will get in trouble for it too (unless you're the base commander, who's wife shoplifted at the BX at Lakenheath and he didn't get into trouble and she just had to buy/return the object, nothing else said about it). Same goes for speeding tickets, you get one, your husband has to go on the carpet before his commander to explain why you were speeding. its all BS and one of the reasons why I seperated for the AF. I never understood what happens OFF base should make any difference to the military. If I had a civilian lover or a military member that wasn't in my command chain (up or down) what's the big deal ? It doesn't hurt anything or anyone, as long as my job performance doesn't suffer it shouldn't
You realize that it is don't ask don't tell. They get in just as much trouble for asking you if you are gay bi whatever than you do for being gay or bi. The only way that they can find out is if you walk into the CO's office and start making out with someone of the same sex. I mean most men would probably think that was great, but can't picture two men doing it. Makes no sense. Anyway, just don't get caught in any pictures and don't be ridiculous about it in public, unless you want your husband to fry. I'm not saying its right at all. Trust me I'm a gay US Marine. Doesn't get much harder than that in the military. Good Luck and so you know a military career when a couple is married is a married couples decision. He can make just as much if not more money in the civilian sector as he can in the military. It's just not as easy. Life's never easy and when it feels like its starting to get easy put up the defenses.
I was very much bi when I served in the Corps. I managed to have quite a few sexual events but you are right, stay quiet. They can get you for anything so just b careful. I was single then also.
