My Hubby's Slut cut my girl's hair!!

Long story short...my hubby and I have been separated for 7 months now. Since then, I have found out quite a few things..one being a two year affair.

He took the girls to a lodge this weekend..it was only supposed to be him and the girls.I found out that not only did several people(who I dont know)went and stayed in the same room with the girls but the trash that my husband screwed our family for took it upon her grubby little hands to butcher my daughters' bangs.Now I have to take them to have their hair professionally fixed.

The wench isn't even supposed to be around my children let alone touching them or altering their appearance!!!

I'm so beyond livid and my "discussion" with my hubby has only revealed the truth about him.That he is a soulless,heartless,leach who has the schoolyard mentality of an 8 year old boy.He doesnt give a flying shit that it upset me to have his little bottom-feeding piece of ass around my children before my side of the bed is barely cold!

we had an agreement not expose our poor kids to any of our "social" lives until the divorce is final and that the girls have some realm of scope that we arent moving back with daddy.He so broke that agreement.

Is there anything legal I can do? Can I legally bar this whore from being around my kids until the divorce is final?

I'm their mother...why do I feel like my status is not legally respected let alone socially respected?

Has anyone ever been through this? I can't sleep at night right now knowing that this horrid woman is around my kids playing mommy with them. They are MY children NOT hers.

 

Yes you can do something..you do have an attourney right? Ask the courts that he see the children without the "friend" ( and not just until the divorce is final ask for maybe up to a year to allow the children to adjust) that having a 3rd party at visition is confusing and injurious to the children. Pointing to the badhaircut..I am sure the judges ruling will depend on the childrens ages of course but it is worth a shot. But I must address your attitude...name-calling and mud-slinging will not help your situation. I know you are angry,hurt,and emotionally distraught but you are a Mommy too that deeply cares about your children and loves them emmensly..You cannot really change the person that he is and putting restriction on his activities may only cause him to act out more. Your children are not stupid they will see who the real hero is. Just like he could not honor his commitment to you he may have trouble honoring his commitment to the children as well. Be preapred for that..and the broken heart that goes with it. But above all even in your state as it is NEVER belittle or be unkind to him or about him in front of your children. Always take the higher ground..as much as that hurts. The children will see the people that you both are and love you accordingly. It may take time and alot of patience..but it is well worth it. I would also choose a little less public forum to rant ..this is public information and may be used in court against you. (as in alienation?) I would never again put the words you have used to describe his behavior in a written form again. Find a friend..or perhaps just the wind..

 

I have had a minute to think about this and I must also say that if I were you I would seriously consider some counseling..you will be a better parent all around if you deal with your issues now rather then re-living them every time you see your Ex... Also TRY to build a relationship with him post divorce so that you can both be better parents for your children. It also keeps the communication door open so that you will know what is going on in the visitation arena with out having the shock. You may not love him anymore and it may be very hard to trust him now but there was a reason you loved him once... find it, and concentrate on that and relay that to your children. Forgive him..let your anger and annimosity go and TRY to be his friend...be firm in your boundries and your resolve to be a better parent, your children will love you for it, he will respect you for it, and you will be so proud of yourself for such an accomplishment. And even if no-one is saying it..you are loved. If you need a friend I am here..Chany

 

chanygirl's got a good message for ya cynical - you don't look pretty with all them toads hoppin out of your mouth (my mom used to tell me that when i wuz cussin up a blue streak) i know it hurts, but you're gonna have to be strong to show to the courts that you are a stable, good influence around your own children. i was pretty livid that my ex had his new girl around my boys when we were going through our divorce. i talked to my boys though, just whatever they wanted to tell me - i didn't want to totally pry every bit of info out of them like some parents do - and found out that she was very nice to them and even though it hurt ME that they liked her, at least she wasn't treating them bad. hard, hard, hard times to get through

and NO MATTER WHAT - the will always be your children, make sure your actions don't jepordize your situation - by acting the calm, rational, caring parent, i got custody. my ex? he acted like a jerk, got supervised visitation.

 

As a daughter from a broken family and having had both of my parents remarry since then i do feel for this situatioon. I was 6 when it happned and found out this year (now im 18) that my mum had been having an affair. HOWEVER i uderstand (and always did see) that my parents werent right for each other. The only thing that upset me was the hatred between the parents which enflicted upon me.

This woman is probably not a whore... you cant help who you fall in love with. and it hurts to try to understand that from the side of the other partner. ... however .. thats what happens. This is not the other womans fault (though cutting your childrens hair without your permition is a little rude) all she is guilty of is falling in love. The gu ymy mum left my dad for didnt like children, though he was never unkind to me. But i saw that he and my mum had a connection. I think honesty is the only which will help your children. Yes it will be confusing for them... however hiding things will in the long run leave them more confused. For years i got so so soo many different stories about why my parents werent together any more. And hatred for the other from both of them. all i wanted was the truth... no hatred or emotion in what they said.. just the truth. It should be your childrens choice if they want to see this woman, not yours. (i am presuming your children are old enough to make decisions here... appologies if they are not)
My step mum is my greatest friend, i do indeed love her like a mum. But thats only because she treated me with respect unlike my parents who treated me like i shouldnt know anything. My mother and i drifted far apart (contenants away) before i found out the truth...

The chance of your children looking to her as a mother is sooo soo small when they have a loving mother already. I didnt really have a mummy. My dad however i had a wonderfull daddy and NEVER looked upon my mothers many boyfriends in a father way.. even her husband now.


I feel more faith in your childrens love for you and grasp on reality is needed.


Im sorry if i have presumed a lot in saying all of this. I intended no offence i speak only from the little information you gave in this post and my own experiances with my own and my partners familys having gone through the same horrible situation.


Any offence caused or hurt was not meant.

 

I am so sorry things are so awful for you and your kids, Otter. I don't have any advice, just a hug for you. Keep talking to the mamas who have been through this before.

((((((((Otter)))))))))

 

Thanks everyone. I know I let off a stream but there arent many civil words to describe how I feel right now...I feel violated and beyond betrayed.The most primal motherly urges in me have exploded.

I do not say these things around my kids and I always act with good grace around their father even though I want to just rip his cold heart out and spit on it.

When we first seperated...I had hoped to reconcile...I started to suspect something when he seemed overly reluctant to try and mend things.I then found all the love letters this woman had wrote to my husband. It was gut-wrenching...especially when she openly attacked me as a wife and mother.She made bold claims that she could be twice the mother and wife I could be.

Fleassy..this woman knew about me and our family.Not only didnt she care but she actually wants my family...wants to mother my children.I hold her as 100% responsible for all of this as my husband.

You may not be able to help who you fall in love with but you can also use good judgment and common sense....both of those say..."dont mess with married men who have children unless you are willing to deal with the aftermath and one ticked off momma-bear"..which I dont think she is. She has no idea who I really am...I could be some psycho glen close-stalker who boil her dogs alive or something.I'm not but she doesnt really know that I'm not.

Homewreckers get little sympathy from me since I have seen the disastors they create firsthand.Especially to children who once had a safe and secure home.

My children and I had to flee from my husband early in the morning...taking only what we needed and moved back in with my parents.I now work full time and we all help raise my children.My goal is at the end of the summer to move out on my own.

This woman cannot be around my kids....just as I will never bring anyone I date around them until after the divorce is final and the kids can comprehend somewhat that they now have two seperate homes.

I contacted a lawyer this morning and it turns out that I have plenty of options..however, a full out injunction against this woman is almost impossible to uphold unless she gets caught with my kids redhanded..and I cant do that unless I stalk my husband and that's illegal and creepy.

but thank you for letting me vent and for the advice.

 

I know from experience, that anything you do with an attorney might not be the best or most peaceful thing.

Make peace - not war.

 

So sorry Otter! It's okay to vent here. drumminmama 's got some great advise there. I hope you can put it to use. That woman had no right to cut your little girls hair!!!! What were they thinking?!?

Yeah, I know about the mama bear thing . . . I've felt it before too!

Kathy

 

I am not in your situation and I am sorry to hear your pain but please vent when you need to as I think this is a good thing to get things off your chest, get a few different views in feedback and generally get it all out...I think I would be pretty grumpy if someone did something to my little girls hair whoever it was...I am the one who has to wash it and brush it every day since she was a baby and I would feel that part of our relationship had been violated if someone took it upon themselves to change her appearance without my involvement in the decision...of course this is something we will have to deal with when they are teenagers and doing it to themselves!! (only kidding, that would be their choice)

You are the one doing the day in day out work and should be respected for this and to just interfere with things such as hair, clothing, food etc really is quite disrespectful I think...no matter who had done it.
good luck with everything going on by the way and don't be in a mad rush to get out of the grandies way as they are probaly enjoying the oppurtunity to bond with your little ones and help everyone out...
hugs to you and your kids
stephanie

 

Dang girl I would be pissed too!

I'm sorry you have been going through such a hard time.
Cyber hugs your way. {{{{{{{HUG!}}}}}

You are a strong, smart woman, you will overcome all this. Make sure you get the fool for every penny you can. You need to be able to support your children comfortably. Keep the faith, sistah.

 

yeah, civility bites the biggie sometimes. damn, it was so hard for me not to fight with my ex or badmouth him in front of the boys - he used to... never mind, i don't even want to go into it right now.

keep those letters. try not to read them again any time soon though. and drumminmama has excellent advice. my boys & i signed up for karate classes together. that turned into a very positive experience for us.

keep your head up girl, it WILL get better.