You don't have to read my story to get to what I'm asking, just scroll to the end, the last 2 or 3 paragraphs is what this thread is mainly about. At the beginning of my sophmore year I was introduced to marijuana. At first I didn't really like it because it made me so paranoid. I was only so paranoid though because I was betraying my dad. He would be under the impression I wasn't spending the night at some nice, straight-edge kid's house. Enjoying a good board game drinking soda. I continued to smoke and party every weekend until about Christmas time I realized I could smoke in my room and get away with it. So I just started smoking everyday, partying more and more, betraying my dad more and more. And he was becoming very suspicous, he began asking around about my friends, what they were like, what they did. And one day about 2 months ago he found a pack of ZigZags in my van. He smoked back in college and knew exactly what these were used for. The next morning he told me not to get ready for school. Well I got dressed, and waited for a long time, and eventually he told me,"Come on, we're going." So we drove all the way to the other side town not saying a word, and I had just come back from a party at Spring Break that was way away from where I lived and my dad forbid me from going to. Then all of sudden he pulled out the pack of zigzags and throws them down on the seat. And he says,"You and I both know what these are for. Are you smoking dope?" I told him yes, and he didn't freak out or anything. We pulled into a resteraunt, had a totally quite session of lunch and when we were done started talking about marijuana and it's side effects. And how my dad used to smoke back in college and all the stuff that he did when he was a teenager. Then we left and it almost seemed like he was gonna be alright with me smoking, I was almost excited. Then he said that we had one more stop to make. We went to this shady area of buildings and parked the car. I was thinking for a second he was going to spark up a joint and we'd smoke it or something. But...ha....no, he told me to get out of the car and follow him into an Insurance building. Turns out they do piss tests there and so I took it. I told him not to waste his money but he wanted to make sure I wasn't doing any other drugs. Then we walk back out to the car and says, as of right now you aren't in trouble. But you aren't allowed to hang out with any of your friends that smoke pot and I will be regularly giving you piss tests to make sure you aren't smoking. And if you fail another, you will be severely punished. He said he would get me a parole officer and all of that shit. So I haven't smoked for about 6 or 7 weeks, but I still sneak out and go to parties and drink. Well, it was all going well until last night. I made a terrible mistake in saying I was going to spend the night at one of my friends house. Well I went there, because I wanted to make an appearence to his parents to show I was there just in case my dad called. But his parents told him he wasn't allowed to go out. His parents don't punish him at all though, but call my dad. I suppose my dad lets me stay out once last night and doesn't call. So I have a pretty good time thinking I'm getting away with it. Waiting all today for my dad to get home to find out whether or not I was in the clear. Walked in the door, my dad had an angry look on his face and I was like...fuck, nope, definently no in the clear. So he took away the keys to my car and van. All I have lost is driving privelages, but my dad can't keep doing this to me. He keeps taking away one freedom after another. I know this is my fault, but he can't just take my child hood away from me. These are supposed to be the best years of our lives and he is depriving me of them. If I'm not allowed to hang out with my friends, I just sit at home and do nothing. Pretty much everyone at my school smokes, and the few that I don't I have no interest at all in hanging out with. So my question is, what should I do? Go completely rebel kid and party, or respect my dad and piss away my childhood years? Right now, I have $220, and when I get my next paycheck I will be in excess of $300. Since it is summertime I was wondering whether or not to just run away for as long as possible, party my ass off. Have the most amount of fun I can and then come home, get a parole officer, have any form of enjoyment, privelages taken away from me or I can just not have hardly anymore fun until college, sneak out occasionally, always being fearful of the day he comes home and is pissed off because he found out. I just don't know what to do. I wish he would just give up on me. I get decent grades in school, I'm sporting about a 3.0, 2.8 or so, have a job, and I had all this when I smoked. My dad always used the excuses that it made me lazy, made me get bad grades, and of that crap. And most of all it's illegal, but it shouldn't be at all. I doubt there is much chance that my dad would give up on me. He would just continue to make my life a living hell until I fell to his Nazi'istic ways of life he wants me to live. I know it's better for my future life if I buckle down now and do well in school, keep and clean record, but wtf is the point of just working all of your life. Working to get good grades, working to get a degree, working at your job until you retire when you're 55, walking with a cane not moving much because you have arthritis, attempting to enjoy the money you've earned.
hmm, this is a complicated situation. were your marks the same as before you started smoking weed? is it interrupting your needs, like your job or school or family life (besides the ill-affect its having on you and your dad) ? what purpose do you smoke for...is it for relaxation, or is it to feel "rebellious" by breaking the law? if its because you want to be a rebel then thats not a very good reason and you should rethink this whole weed-smoking thing. marijuana shouldn't be about being a rebel and breaking the law. you'll only be proving the government right when they say it's an awful drug (damn propaganda). if you smoke the dope for relaxation and stress relief maybe you could try to explain to ur dad that the government overreacts about the "dangers" of weed...that the government keeps weed illegal because they can't tax it. they over exaggerate on its affects and never compare it to the devastationing long-term (and short-term) affects of tabacco and alcohol. explain to him that smoking is a better alternative to drinking because you relax, you don't get violent like when people drink. assure him that you don't drink/smoke and drive. (i suggest you stop! if u do lol) explain that tabacco and alcohol is a much worse drug than marijuana. tell him that marijuana is NATURAL and, having some hippie beliefs, you would rather smoke a natural plant than drink man-made liquor (if you believe this). maybe you should ask your dad more about his college experiences. why did he smoke weed? why did he stop? did something bad happen to him or his friends? as he got older he may have forgotten what it's like to be a teenager, or maybe he's realized some profound knowledge that you (and i)haven't learned yet. ask him to teach you. it'll help you bond, lol. keep in mind that your dad's trying to be straight with you, and raise you well. tell him to keep in mind that you need to learn lessons for yourself, and that you need to make mistakes, and have experiences for yourself. this is how we grow. also keep in mind that you're only 16. Yes, you feel completely mature but next year you will see drastic changes in yourself, and for the years after that too! i thought i had it all figured out at 16, but oh how the tables have turned! i wouldn't run away to party. you could end up in a far worse situation than your in now (as responsible as you are, the people partying around you aren't always as bright). ending up in jail, on coke, or with a parole officer isnt worth a few months of total "freedom". remember you'll be of legal age in a few years..it'll go fast and then you can do what you want. hopefully your dad will accept you how you turn out. I'll quote the rolling stones as something to keep in mind: YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT, BT TRY AND SOMETIMES YOU JUST MIGHT FIND, YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED! peace, love, harmony and GOOD LUCK! sarah.
Phoenix88, I hope I can get this written before you decide to do something I think you'll regret. It's been 39 years since I've felt the way you do, but I think I can fill in the gaps enough to remember what it was like. From what I read, you're off to a pretty good start. I have to say it suprised me when you mentioned your paycheck, I really wasn't expecting you to be that responsible already. You should be proud you are mature enough to acquire and keep a job. If you were just laying around your parents' house getting high all day I couldn't stand behind you as much as I do. The issue of drugs is and always has been a grey area. Personally I don't believe they do as much damage as the government claims, but I can always be proven wrong by a sufficient quantity of statisticians and their rhetoric. You being of apparently qualitive mind and body only adds to my side of the argument. The only contradiction I have in your exposition is the leaving home part. Your dad conspicuously loves you, or he wouldn't have bothered to let you know how he felt about this, he would have been more like your friend's parents and let you do your own thing. There's something you should remember, the opposite of Love is not Hate, it is Indifference. I'd say you have 1 of the best fathers in the world, and when he feels you can make your own life-determining decisions I'm sure he'll let you do so. Until then I think he just wants to help. You may even find he'll still be good to have around when you find you really may not know everything (yeah, it's a bummer, but when you get old you realize it ) No, I don't think you should run away. And you don't seem like the kind of person who would want to anyway. Life's never easy, You'll find that out again next year So in summation Phoexin88, keep it cool right now, wait a few years then go out and party till you can't party no more. Between visits to the Porcelain God call your dad up and tell him to kiss your ashtray. Then the next day call from jail, apologize, see if he'll front your bail and borrow a pickup to go get what's left of your car. Then you guys can go burn one at the other end of town
stop bitching. your dad is nothing compared to mine, but he hasnt found out I smoke because I just havent gotten caught. And thats basically his job as a parent anyways, to watch out for you. Its not taking away your freedom, its being grounded for a while, and who the fuck cares anyways. it sucks, but get over it.
1st off, don't run away. I wouldn't even consider that an option, if you think it sucks having a strict dad, it sucks worse being homeless and hungry. 2nd, Most parents are like your dad, I don't know why you think yours is so bad. 3rd, Believe it or not, you've got your whole life to party, its not strictly confined to the 2 years between 16-18 I would say just ease off the partying for a little bit, and see if your dad cools down.
you should be so thankful your dad is even there in the first place, and even cares about you, and your health and future Without him youd probably never even think about college, work, paychecks and all the that shit cause it wouldnt exist. Fathers in this world are in few supply and fathers that actually show intrest are even more rare. Your freedom is important but think what would happen if your father never threatned or pulled priviliges Charges, criminal records, Probation and parole, jail, and most eventually prison I used to pray for fathers like yours, i wished i had one like you did, id be around friends and i hear them talk about their parents taking their cars, allowance and free-time, and all the time i always feel like an outcast, always wondering what it feel like to have someone that would do all that just to keep me safe, that would actually be involved, and i never had one story to tell like them and they tell me im lucky
my advice for you is to just chill for awhile and see if he builds his trust for you...if your 16 you only have a couple years until college and freedom..you can have tons of fun then..but partying and all that shouldnt ruin your relationship between you and your parents...your dad just is looking out for you..being a parent cant be easy and you got to respect him for that. also considering he didnt punish you after he first found out is alot less worse then other parents...hope things work out for you peace and love
Yeah, I wrote that right after I got in trouble, I was just venting some frustration and I'm thinking clearer now. I suppose I will just keep it cool for a couple more years and wait for college. Thanks for your replies.
i understand you, i'm in the same situation i'm a 3.87 student in honors classes(even when i'm smoking), i'm responsible, and my mom busted me smoking in my room like 2 months ago.....she didn't get too pissed but she said if i did it again, there would be no more boyfriend(which is who i got the weed from in the first place), no more band, no drivers liscense, and no freedom to do anything....but i've decided to just wait a couple years until i have my own place to smoke and i advise you to do the same.... it's the best thing to do.
After reading your post, thought that I would try and give you a fathers perspective or at least this fathers perspective . 7 years ago my son who was 10 at the time was walking to school , a block from the school he was hit in the middle of the crosswalk by a young man from the local highschool on his way home from an allnight party (end of school term). Robbie died later that night , and the young man commited suicide the day after. 2 young lives were lost in those 48 hours. And 2 families were totally destroyed. As he was my only son I can only guess at how I would react to find out that he was using grass. I can say that no matter how your father reacts he obviously cares for you and that you have your whole life left to live. Be patient wait till you are on your own and then party till you have had your fill. Hopefully you will find a way to work things out and find a happy medium. Whatever your choice is PLEASE ...... Be Responsible
