how do i find out if he's bi/gay?

theres this kid who im kinda crushin on in band class. his name is eric. hes real cute, but he never has a girlfriend. and when i told all my friends i was bi, i told him. it didnt really react. i cant just flat out ask him, because he might get mad i even thought he was gay (thats how most of the people in that town are, even if they are gay).


any advice?
thanks!

 

No, you can't flat out ask him. If he didn't share any information about himself, it probably means he didn't want to share any information with you.

The fact that he never has a girlfriend even if he is real cute doesn't tell you much. He could be questioning his own sexuality, but he could also be really shy about having a girlfriend.

There's always the gay grapevine, but asking questions that might get back to him is super risky. About the most I'd risk in your position is to mention his name to some people you know who are gay and see what they say.

Frankly, it sounds like he's not going to tell you what you want to hear. The closest you can come to asking him is to tell him something like, "Eric, when I told you I was bi, you didn't really react. I really like you as a friend, and I hope that my being bi isn't going to be a problem for you." Of course, this is the sort of thing you do only when there's nobody around.

If he still doesn't seem to react, or if he seems to squirm, drop it. Even if he is gay or bi in that situation, he doesn't feel comfortable sharing it with you and boys trapped in a corner that way can get really ugly really fast.

 

i did have the "how does it make you feel" talk with him, and he said he said he thinks its really cool that i have the balls to come out to my friends in a town like this. and it seems like he been hanging around me alot more lately. but i invited him over to my house with 2 oter friends, and he said no. im very confused.

 

Hi,
I think he is more confused than you are. You pretty much did what you can without flat out asking him for a date. If he's hanging around you more than maybe he is curious but really shy or scared about the whole gay/bi thing. I wouldn't pressure him but give it time and see what happens, he may be scared about being labeled as gay/bi. If there was some way you can assure him that it would be descreet and private he might think differently. But everyone is different and at that age he may not have the confidence about his own sexuality that you do. Tough situation, I really hope it works for out for you.
Jon

 

find some time where you can be alone with him, just kinda toy around it be like i am just wondering have you ever though about being with a guy? then be like know your not gay i am just wondering, then be like well if you are or you need to talk i am here. i really hope hes gay or at least bi, if you need to talk to someone i am here and i am bi but i am also figuring things out right now. maybe thats what hes doing, give it time also he might be gay and not tell you because hes not intrested in YOU that way ya know, he might be gay and only want to tell someone hes intrested. Oh and a prooven test find a close friend to be by him then have a reason to bend over and get that friend to tell you if he looked if he did then theres a chance that hes gay and intrested. so good luck babe bye all!

 

you can always touch his sausage one day and if he doesnt kick your ass, he is gay.

 

Just because Eric "never has a girlfriend," as you put it, doesn't necessarily mean that he's either gay or bi. For all we know, Eric could simply be a "lone wolf" who's not interested in ANYONE. There's just no easy way to tell.

It's not up to you -- or anyone else -- to determine which way his social/erotic/love life goes; only he can determine that for himself. And he'll do that on his own time, not on yours.

Patience, my boy, patience.

-- Skeeter

 

Hey hon,
Yeah, I wouldn't stress too much. He may be bi/gay curious, or know he is and hasn't worked up the courage yet to come out. I know that I came out to my bf about a month ago, and he is only now admitting that he's 'a little bisexual'. He's really struggling with it, and even though he know's I'm bi, it's still really tough for the poor guy. He is really protective of it, (after he told me, he was like...oh shit, i didn't mean to do that) and so could you're guy, if he's bi/gay. Don't pressure him too much, we all know how tough it is to make up your mind.

My suggestions are not to pressure him, make time for him, show him that on some level you care for him, don't avoid the topic of being gay but don't overdo it. I'm not sure that makes a whole lot of sense.


Also, I have to congratulate you on coming out in a town like yours. I also live in a town like that (well, my dad does, and I visit my dad) and I know how they are...closed minded little bastards. ; D I love 'em though.

Good luck!!! *hug* ^_^

 

We're guys. We're not women. We're not complicated. work it into a conversation; use famous movie sceens if you can.

You know that movie where that one guy is like, "I'm gona make you squeel like a pig!"? Yeah, that was awsome. I wish some guy would make me squeel like a pig; how about you?

see? That simple.

 

Alternative:

He's in band, he's gay.

 

Actually, he probably just wanted you to invite him over to your house, without other friends... if ya know what I mean, wink wink nudge nudge\


But seriously. Invite him over to your crib, have something fun planned so you can actually have a reason for him being there so it doesn't seem like you're hitting on him just incase he isn't into you, but if he is you can ya know, just throw out subtle gay shit. Talk about how hot some dude is and see what his response is (if he agrees, well that's a hint. If he disagrees, but has an opinion about how he's not hot, maybe he's saying he likes other kinds of guys?), really all you can do is hint at shit and be very vague untill he kind of gets it and decides to tell you he likes you (or doesn't). Ofcourse it's very possible that you can play cat and mouse for years without him coming out to you like that, but after a while of being with someone you should pretty much get an easy feeling of what he thinks about you. You're in school so you're probably not interested in investing a lot of time into something with slow results, but if you are then take this advice.

Become really good friends with him. You should anyways. If you do end up together, relationships are always better when the people know eachother very well. If not, you've got a good friend out of the deal anyways. But yeah. Do that. Learn about him and take hints if they're thrown out. When you two are close friends, think about things like how comfortable is he around you? If you two sleep over at eachothers houses will he sleep in the same bed as you? (That's not a very good indicator though, me and my homie sleep in the same bed all the time and he knows I'm bi and we change infront of eachother and everything, but he's not into that, we're just guys). Does he find random ways to touch you? If you two do sleep in the same bed together and he likes you, odds are he'll get a slight bit of nerve and make some random awkward move when he thinks you're sleeping (or when you think he is) like inch closer to you or throw his arm over you on accident.

Basically my advice is to make good friends with him. It's not hard at all to tell if someone likes you when you're close, no matter how hard they try to hide it.

 

thank you all so much! i am taking all of your guys advice and right now, were still just "band friends" but, i will keep trying! ill keep you posted on what happens.

 

I Cant Wait Whats The Verdict?

 

This has worked once for me, it sounds a bit stupid but could be worth a try.
If you get him to sleep over, say you only have one bed so you'll have to share (or if you have another, get really close) then, during the night when you're both getting ready to sleep, start to masturbate, do it so that it looks as if you're trying to hide the fact you're doing it, but do it obviously, if you get what i mean!
then, go downstairs to get snacks with him, see if he makes an excuse (May have a boner) or if he get's up and does have one.

 

Or, you could try what a friend of mine tried with me in highschool. He tried to play 'footsie' with me one night while we were watching tv. At first I thought it was accidental .... but it was obvious after a while that it was not. I was flattered, but did not feel the same way.

 

im still trying to get him to spend the night/come over. he said he would love to come over, but hes afraid to ask his mom (she keeps him on a tight leash, he thinks she wont like me, but i can charm the hell out of adults, so i think i can pull it off, if he lets me) so, at least i know he wants to come over! it might take a while for me to talk him into letting me talk to his mom. but i will try like hell to make this happen.

 

go for it. and don't give up. i've been trying to convince my friend not to give up on her crush but she just won't listen

 

If You Are Out As Bi And He Seems To Be Ok With It Just Ask Wot He Thinks
He Mite Open Up About Im Self

 

update:

today was the last day of school. i havent got him alone yet. yesterday, he (felt like delibritly) brushed his hard-on up aganst me. he said he is coming back to band next year because i "make band fun". cant wait till next year!!

 

now that sounds as obvious as a pink rhinoscerous. or however you spell it