Do you have an eating disorder

Okay.. i just want to know how many of you have an eating disorder or have had an eating disorder (especially bulimia)

Here's my story, I've been bulimic (at times I wish i had the self control to be anorexic...i know that's sick), and I've dealt with it all on my own. I've told two people since about the age of 16, when it started (i'm 24), one of them was an ex-ex boyfriend, who broke up with me almost immediately after I told him (it was a dysfunctional relationship anyways) and the other person was a guy friend. As of this point of my life I feel like I am recovering, I have a "bulimic episode" maybe once a month for the past couple of months...i just want to talk about it with someone. Has anyone else experienced this.. and if so... share. My problem is that I lose control and actually decide to overeat and before I overeat to an extreme, I have already decided that I will purge. It's been very helpful becoming a vegetarian. I have vegetarianism to put my energy into. Okay... so speak up ladies...

 

well i never was bulimic or anorexic really but i was a freak about what i ate. it was always on my mind. all i ever could think about was losing weight and it made me depressed because i felt like i wasnt skinny enough. i limited myself to the bare minimum of what i could eat. i would count calories and eventually became vegan for about 9 months after excluding meat from my diet and then dairy products. i would set goals for the maximum amount of calories i could have per day. some days it would be no more than 250 calories...which is outrageously rediculous.

i eventually got over it when i started spending more time doing things to get my mind off of food and weight and actually giving into eating foods, even junk foods! (o my!) but yea today im bigger than i was a few years ago when i was that way, but im also a lot happier and less stressed about what i eat. i still wish i could lose weight and still go on diets and what not, but i'm not depressed all the time like i used to be about it.
it's important to have fun yo. so you're not so stressed about things like your weight. all women suffer from misconception of their indentities, but that's no excuse to think we need to starve ourselves or go bulimic to have ourselves look a certain way. we're all beautiful when we're true to ourselves.

 

I've dealt with both Anorexia and Bulemia since I was 9 years old. I have been "good" for the past, I want to say, 4 years, but I do have my lapses. I have never once gone back to any of the starving, binging or purging episodes that I once did, but I get into that "frame of mind" and start cutting out things I eat and watching every bite I take more closely, I get obsessed with how I look in my clothes to the point where I won't leave the house because I hate how I look, and I am really never satisified with my weight.

I wish I didn't have this kind of mindset, I wish it more than anyone can possibly imagine! I had counseling, visits with nutritionalists, but nothing ever seemed to nick the problem. It's within myself, and goes back to a lot of things stemming from my childhood.

I am a very controlling person, and as a child, I felt it was the only thing at the time I ever really had control of in my life. Unfortunately that type of thinking followed me into adulthood.

I try to look at myself in the mirror and see a beautiful person, but it's hard to sometimes.

{{{HUGS}}}

 

I was anorexic when I was a pre-teen. My life was out of control at the time...my parents were splitting up and my mom, sister and I were living out of our car for awhile. Food is something I could control, therefore, that was my way of coping with what was happening. It got to the point where I was eating a few crackers a day and water. That lasted about a month...it all stopped when my mom found out about it and would WATCH me eat and watch me like a hawk...things got better and more stable at home, which made me forget about it for awhile.

Then my mom died when I was 17...things got out of control again, but instead of sinking back into starving myself, which I did do for about a week or so, I concentrated on vegetarianism and I've stuck with it since. It still a way of controlling my life...which seems to be out of control most of the time...but it's certainly not as harmful.

For me, it was never about being skinny, it was about control.

 

About 5 months ago I told my ex-boyfriend I was throwing up my food every now and then, He knew I had done this occasionally before we dated but he told me he would dump me if he found out I still did. Well I hid it of course, I didnt do it that often maybe once or twice a month for 4 years...I talked to my doctor and told her I stopped,although I only stopped for about a month and have conrtinued to do this. The guy I am with now knows I have this problem but we have never discussed it much, I know if I ever started doing it more often he would be councerned but I think he understands why I do. I used to be very overweight and I refuse to get back to that point and I still want to lose weight. For me when I unintintionally eat "too much" I havbe to purge, it isnt that I will be depressed and eat alot then throw it up, I will be in a fine mood and just be really hungry and eat alot and just cant stand having it in me...not about control at all, just literally about needing to stay small and needing to be smaller

 

Uuuhm.. From the ages of 9 to 15 I was ED-ed. I was bulimic, then anorexia, then a compulsilve over exerciser, aaand then anorexic. I was hospitalized more times than I can count, and I still don't eat normally (I won't eat all day and then I'll completely binge on everything at night). It sucks... For me, it's not about control or being thin or anything. I've just always wanted to be unattractive to others, because I don't want them to get involved in my fucked up life. Heh.

 

i started with bulemia when i was 13 but after a few years it got too hard and hurt too much to throw up. so i became anorexic.for me anorexia was a lot easier and i could control my eating. there was so much stuff going on at home and there was a lot of pressure from cheerleading coaches telling us to be thin. so all during cheerleading season i have and continue to starve myself. once i started running track i found that i had to eat a lot and stay strong. so i couldnt starve myself. its so hard to just "turn off" the disorder. basically im anorexic during cheerleading season (august - march) and i eat normally during track season (spring). its not like im that uncomfortable with my body so much that i feel i have to starve myself. but its like im doing it for everyone else. i do realize i do it to myself and therefore i dont blame anyone else

 

I've fucked with eating all my life...

 

I have something, that's not a real eating disorder, but at times it really does effect my eating (among other things) a lot, and observing poeple usually see it as a form of self starvation.


I suffer from emetophobia, the fear of vomiting. So in hard times, I eat nothing, only one or pieces of bread a day, because I have the fear that everything else I eat will make me vomit. I have myself undercontrol perfectly for over a year now, I only don't eat fish and meat, and I am extremely careful on egg products, since that stuff can cause terrible vomiting things. I test every single egg before I eat it, for freshness. I am verycareful of eating at other places, especially restaurants.

 

i'm a stuffer. i wasn't allowed to express much in the way of emotion: pain, fear, rage, sadness. therefore whenever i'd get upset for any reason, i'd cram food into my mouth until i choked. i fought it for years, and now people are somewhat dissatisified because i speak up now. so while i never did the anorexia/bulimia thing, i definitely had my own set of agonizing problems. oddly, people don't really percieve or react to this sort of disorder in a way they should. you're not going to get any support from outside yourself, that's for sure. you're on your own.

 

I suffered from bulimia for a long time, but eventually hurt myself badly, somehow making my esophogus bleed and getting ti infected. That helped me to overcome the physical hurt i was doing to myself.

I have become a vegan, and I feel a lot better about eating now, but still have that kind of "good food" "bad food" complex. I am happy with myself when I eat good whole foods, and unhappy when I eat crap that does not contain animal products but is still not the ebst thing i could be eating.

 

i was anorexic and then bulimic as a teen, battled it on and off for years. after i had my son i stopped actively having either disorder, but now and then i will diet myself too thin although not anorexically so. but now i eat whatever/whenever i want. sometimes though if i eat junk or too much i feel horrible and fat. but isn't that the way of things for most women in our culture? it's what we're taught.

 

First of all *hugs*... It makes me sad to hear when other people have dealt with this too, because I myself have gone through it all.
My Dr. first diagnosed me with anorexia when I was 11, and I thought he was nuts. I didn't even realize what I was doing at the time...but as the days, months, and years progressed it began to become more clear to me... Finally when I was 15, I sought help for it... The whole 3 years that I was in therapy for it, it was 3 years filled with confusion, months of recovery, and then severe relapses. The disorder itself was like a person to me, a voice in my head controlling and consuming my normal thoughts and conscience. I did things that I would have never done...lied, hid my behaviors...etc, and I began to realize it wasn't ME... it's the disorder. And to overcome that could never be easy. In fact, I don't really think its something most people truly overcome... I have been eating healthy for awhile now, but still, everyday is a struggle. It's a struggle to get myself to eat...and when I do, it's a struggle to prevent myself from giving into the idea of purging.
As for your overeating, I'm just assuming that it may have a lot to do with the fact that your body has been deprived of what it needs for so long, that when you sit down to eat, you're just so overwhelmingly starving ... You also have to think about whether you are overeating or not? Many bulimics and/or anorexics tend to thing that they may be overeating when in fact it's nothing to the effect, because the disorder creates that idea... that food is bad, and shouldn't be in your body. I used to have this idea that drinking a can of diet pepsi was a LOT. Obviously, that's absurd, and no matter how disordered a person may be, they know that deep down. The problem is getting your heart and instincts to speak OVER the disorder's "voice" if you know what I mean.

The fact that you brought up eating vegetarian has helped you, pleases me... that's what really helped me begin to pull through and recover. It's easier to overcome the disorder when you actually feel GOOD about what you're eating. However, for me being vegetarian didn't help enough and I would still tend to relapse from time to time, and I ended up going vegan, and it has helped me IMMENSELY. Being vegan is more work, therefore it consumes more of your energy and you're not always stirring, thinking about your eating disorder... Also, along with that idea, now days when i eat, I'm not as afraid of food, because everything I eat is good for me, isn't derived from the suffering of an animal, and has basically no fat in it. I've actually lost more weight going vegan than I ever have from my eating disorder, and I've lost it in a healthy manner.

I don't know the cause of your disorder so none of that may help, but if you're worried about your weight, I can guarantee you going vegan helps a LOT.

Even if you start eating better, I assure you the thoughts you have may not disappear... I think about it everyday even though I'm a lot healthier than I've ever been. If you ever need to talk, private message me and I'll give you my email contact info and such... I'm always around to help a person in this matter. I know how it feels.

Also, try something that soothes you or calms you down such as yoga, meditation, martial arts, etc. I joined karate about 2 months ago, and I'm feeling more confident and vibrant than I ever have, and it helps a lot.

 

Hmm........lets see...... was annorexic from middle school until i got married three years ago. Now its just too damn embarrassing to starve and run like a chicken with my head cut off. Im definitly still weird about foods and weight, but my husband tells me to grow the hell up and get over myself........
I know it sounds mean, but really, annorexia is such a selfish disease. You cant deal with the world so you make yourself sick to give you something to obsess about. Just learn to fucking deal with the world, and the problem is solved. (uh-huh, easier said than done, i know)

 

wow, i didnt realize that anerexia and bulimia affect this many people. it all interests me greatly... wow that sounds wrong, i mean, i wouldnt ever do it, but your experiences and the physological means of it is interesting...

have you guys ever seen the livjournals or xangas that are like MUST STAY THIN or WILL BE THIN OR I WILL DIE.. those things? those things completely creep me out.

 

i found this one a pro-ana xanga site... a bit scary, if you ask me..




Ana's Pep Talk

Oh, so your craving food right now, huh?

What do you think you are doing?

Don't you dare go anywhere near food!

Don't touch it; don't even think about it.

What do you want to do, become a fat cow?

I am your best friend, and if you eat, you are failing me and letting me down.

If you eat right it shows what little self-control you have.

That pain in your stomach right now, that is me, and that is your fat melting away.

When you feel empty, it means you are empty of your sins.

Summer is coming up.

You want to be able to walk around in booty shorts and a bikini top, don’t you?

You want to walk around in a bikini with your flat, firm little stomach and your toned little thighs.

You to be able to run your hand over your stomach and feel your ribs.

You want to go to the mall and see that skimpy outfit and know you would look damn good in it.

You made a commitment to me.

I am your life and obsession.

Don't break what we have.

I will give you everything you want, but you have to give me what I want.

And I want you to stay away from food.

Go have some water.

Go drink some tea or coffee.

Or better yet - go to the gym, fatty!

Don't show me what little self-control you have.

Don’t defy me.

You know that if you go eat right now, you will end up on your knees puking it all up until you see blood and water and your stomach is aching.

You will regret eating as soon as those calories and that fat slip past your tonsils and down into your body to add to that extra roll on your stomach.

You are going to get cellulite.

You are going to look like the typical fat soccer mom.

I can give you so much - I can give you a great body.

Show me your control and I will show you a flat stomach.

Show me you love me and can keep me a secret and stay away from food and I’ll give you those shaped little thighs.

Show me you can run until you drop and I will give you a cute ass.

You love me.

If you eat now and throw away what you are working for, I will hate you.

And you will hate yourself.

You have a meal plan; you have goals and dreams.

Don’t throw that all away now.

Don’t give up what you really want for something you want now.

Don’t eat fatty.

You are still no supermodel like Kate Moss.





that scares me so much.... it makes me hurt for aneorixic and bulimic people..

 

OMG that is just totally psycho.
Can't even read all of it without wanting to give whoever wrote that a slap. Not only to bring her to her senses, but for prompting others to think/act like that.

Yup totally ditto
Never had a problem of that nature myself, but really try to understand and empathise with those who do suffer.

 

I am not really sure if you would call it a disorder because it is more physical then mental but I have a hiadel hernia which causes masive acid reflux which results in me puking food up a lot of the time its not bulimia because I try not to over eat but I do throw up a small amount of what I eat on a daily basis even with Nexium

 

I have a different eating disorder on the spectrum. I compulsively eat, even long after I've been full. I often puke because of it, not because I make myself, but because I overate so much. It's not even something I can control- I know I'm full and I know I don't want any more food, but I keep eating it. I've gotten better in recent years and keep grapes or slices of apple around to eat instead of junk food, but when this started was around puberty and I managed to gain about 40 pounds in a little over 2 years.

It's kind of the overlooked eating disorder. People always talk about anorexics and bulimics so it's more understood, but compulsive eating is still "gross". It's just as deadly as anorexia is too, it just takes longer to progress.

 

I wish you all luck, this a such a terrible disease.