I hve a confession to make

I'm terribly afraid of Hispanic men. Its just that whenever i am walking home there is almost always a hispanic man yelling something at me from a car window, or if i pass a hispanic man on the sidewalk he will say something. I have been called sexy, honey, baby, every possible name possible and once i had a drunk hispanic man try to follow me home. I keep trying to tell myself that not all hispanic men are like that, and that i only notice the ones that do, and that all over races do it too, but i feel like a bloodly racist and i probably am. What do i do about this?

 

Hon, most Hispanic/Latin men are quite nice. They do tend to like womyn and tend to be open about their interests. They are no more likely to harm you than a Caucasian man or anyone else. If it bothers you, just ignore it.

Latins like ladies, for the most part, and their culture is more open about expressing that like for ladies. You are usually in no danger.

 

I thought it had something to do with culture. Thats waaaay better than how my friend's mom put it, that it is their "tradition to look at women's bodies." Ugh.

 

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That is a terribly ethnocentric way of viewing the world. In many parts of the world, it would be far more disrespectful not to comment on a woman's beauty. Similar actions tend to get very different reactions depending on one's culture -- kinda like if you made the "A-OK" signal (tip of thumb & forefinger together, other fingers standing up), people in the US would think you meant everything was OK, but people in certain other countries would take that as the equivalent of you flipping them off.

Yes, if the man is following you home, call the cops. If he's just calling out stuff, either ignore it or respond with something like "I ain't your mamacita, pendejo (asshole)."

Not all hispanic men are like that -- it depends on which country they came from, individual personality, how long they've been in the US, where they live/work (small immigrant ghetto or racially mixed suburb, for example), and who they are with, to name a few factors. There is a lot of machismo in many Latin American cultures, so even a guy who would behave the way we think of as respectful when alone may call out innocent catcalls when he's with his buddies. In some groups (including plenty of white, native born American guys), if he DIDN'T make some crude comment, his buddies would all give him ten tons of shit, calling him "a fag" (amazing how homophobia goes along with machismo attitudes) & a million other names.

I'm not saying to just get over it -- I would tell them to shut up & leave me alone -- but don't be afraid of all hispanic males just because some make big macho displays in public. You're in no more danger than you are among a group of white guys or any other ethnicity, and in far less danger than at, oh, say a frat party with nothing but white boys.

 

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YOu have to ask yourself though, does she look 14? Do they know that it bothers her? And you also have to realise that they are part of a different culture than you. So what you find offensive and rude might be the norm for them.

 

I have to admit, it DOES seem like alot of Hispanic men are kind of "slimy" I suppose. Once my best friend and I walked from the movies to Dairy Queen and back, probably about a mile each way, and we got honked at 9 times from the front and 12 times from the back by Hispanic guys.

It really does have to do alot with the culture. Latin men have a tendancy to be veeeeery flirty but it doesn't come across well with the language barrier alot of times. Plus, I've noticed that it has to do with alot of peer pressure to, as someone else said. I always think it's kind of funny when a Hispanic guy gets egged on to come talk to me and I start talking to him in Spanish and see the looks on all the guys' faces because there's a sort of anonymity that's broken down when they realize that I understand at least part of what they're saying. It's funny.

Would you feel any less threatened if it was some redneck construction worker whistling at you? I don't think it's Hispanics so much that you're afraid of, just creepy guys in general.

 

I don't think you're racist - I feel the same way. In arizona there are a lot of mexican people, and i have no problem with the mexican race, but most of them are just like you described above ^ yelling and whistling out their car doors, giving weird looks, basically being perverted moreso than the other guys dont feel bad about it, but yeah thats a good idea to keep a cell phone to dial the cops if it continues

 

Maybe you should just say something. People often don't realize they're making you feel uncomfortable when they are. But if you say or do nothing, they're not going to think twice about it.

 

I'm a hispanic man....I dont blame you for being scared.

 

creepy people are definately creepy So you happen to notice some hispanic men being creepy around you moreso than other people. C'est la vie. There are creepy people of every ancestry and of every creed - that will never change. The best solution I've found is to ignore them (and, occasionally flirt with a girl instead, though that could egg some on worse)

 

Just start being really ugly, that'll solve your problem.

 

yeah flirting with girls is the best way to get rid of men. I kissed my best friend infront of a guy who was... well... waaaaay too much flirting. He just said "No waaaaaaaaaaaay... " and was off.


Usually the ignoring method works perfect too.

And somethin else I wanted to say: you're fourteen, and biologically not a child anymore. Men start to see you as a women. And part of that is, that men start to get a potential interest in you. this is a natural thing, and is expressed different by every person. But you should not feel frightend about these things, if somebody is seriously following you, tell the cops. Maybe you can take a self defense, class. That usually doesn't help too much in an actual incident, but makes you trust in youself more, and that helps.

 

I just have to say, I am really surprised at the not even subtle racism in the content of many of these posts.

I understand the OP is young and was frightened. But fear is one of the biggest causes of Racism, which leads to hatred, and other less than honorable actions and thoughts, and I am just really surprised to see so much of it on this forum.

And I gotta tell you. The cops are not going to show up if you call then and say,"I'm a lily white princess and a Brown man honked at me. I want him arrested." If you live in my neighborhood, the cop is probably Latino himself. An attack is something to report, you don't call the cops because someone honked at you, or yelled "Hey, Mamacita!" out of a car window. If a drunk man tries to follow you home, THAT is a near assault. But catcalling is not. I don't approve of this behavior, but it is usually quite innocent. Ignore it. Before you know it, you will be in your 30s and ALL that will stop.

 

It has nothing to do with race. Not really anyway.

First of all, you must remember in a lot of hispanic cultures, women start to marry and have babies very early. At 14, you might be seeking a husband! So maybe to them, they aren't catcalling at a child, they are complimenting a pretty woman.

If it crosses the line and becomes disrespectful, it has nothing to do with thier race. All men (and women) have the choice to be respectful. Any one can act that way.

 

Better get used to it cuz Latino's will be the majority in this country within a few decades.

 

well, i get a lot of attention from hispanic men in the summertime. i think that's because they tend to appreciate muscular legs, which i have. (yep, even at forty maggie! lol) i do understand the fear factor here, but i think maggie is right. you really don't have anything to fear. i understand being uncomfortable from it, but yeah, yell something in spanish at them, or ignore them. i've always been uncomfortable when men of any race do stuff like that. i don't like to be the focus of attention.
a few years back, i lived in a primarily hispanic apartment complex. i never had a problem. (well, this was more than a few years--i was about 28 at the time). but anyways, i had a small child, and they would look at me sometimes, and call me mamacita, but they never said an untoward word, or catcalled. again, i think that's a culture thing. they respected the fact that i was a mother.
flirting with other girls never worked for me. lots of men think that's sexy.
raving sultan--you really think she should be afraid? or being sarcastic? (can't read that on the web).

 

By that logic, a black man has no right to walk down the street in certain neighborhoods. Yes, some women, especially young 14 year old girls that lack a certain level of life experience, have been known to see brown skin and feel threatened no matter what the guy is doing.

As Maggie said, catcalls may be unwanted, but there's not a damn thing the cops could do if they wanted to. Damn that Constitutional right to free speech. Unless one of them does anything actually threatening, like following her home, there's no reason to bother the cops.

As for the suggestions of flirting with a girl, I have yet to meet a man who would shut up & lose interest over that. In my experience, no matter what ethnicity he is or color his skin is, this type of man (macho -- like construction worker or frat boy of any color) is far more likely to get more crude, asking for a show, if you try to play that angle.

 

yeah, i've travelled many countries, and I places i feel safe is scandinavia and thailand. It's not a racist thing, it's just that they behave the way they are used to, or they are supposed to, eventually they might change sooner or later. My own feeling is not to accept it, because i really hate to be called, talked o touched in a way that is uncomfortable for me as a person, I NEVER ACCEPT IT, i say fuck you, i give a bad look back, i don't just think "it's not that bad". For me it is. We all have a lesson to learn is life, and this is a lesson they have to learn. I never take these things lightly, and it works, because now it's like those guys know that i 'm not to make fun of or flirt. It's great. Some girls loves the attention, ok for me, BUT I DIDN"T ASK FOR IT. I hate it, makes me in a bad mood, spreading a bad vibe, because the guy (s) started, this kind of mini assault on me... Yeah, all traditions are not good, and we are changing all the time....