Hi everyone, I'm new here and I'd appreciate some thoughts and advice on my problem. My girl has done two things that you could consider betrayal. 1. She had a bf but she didn't love him anymore. She loved me. But then she slept with the guy after she promised not to. I forgave her but it still hurts me. 2. She liked a guy that she always talked about, even to me. All she talked about was him and how she admired him. Of course I got jealous, dammit. Everytime we talk it's all him him him. She ASSURED me that she didn't like the guy. I found out that she did and she was all giddy about him, trying to get his attention, giving him stuff, always talking to him. I still forgave her after that. Now how do I remove my doubts? I'm seriously hurt and even I tell her I trust her, when I remember these things they still affect me. If she's sincere, it would be bad if I doubted her... how do I trust again?
I would say she's just messing you around BisMilla. She sounds like she's using you. Constantly talking to you about another guy, giving him gifts, always wanting to get his attention. Even sleeping with another guy. Talk about not considering your feelings in the slightest !!! Sounds to me like in her mind she's thinking 'I'll hold onto you but lets see if I can do better.' Dump her BisMilla. Don't let a girl hurt you and walk all over you like that. You deserve better then that. Warlock
Gotta agree with everyone else man, sounds like she's up to no good. If you let chicks walk over you like that then they always will. I know it's hard and will hurt but getting rid of her will be better for you in the long run. Better to ditch her than to hang on only to get fucked over in the future... The fact that you posted this kinda hints you think thats a pretty real possibilty. Maybe ditching her will teach her something about how to treat a boyfriend as well... Too many girls act that way and actually get away with it becuase thier boyfriends care too much to get rid of them. Show her you're stronger than that.
i don't think it's an issue of you learning to trust her, as much as an issue of her needing to PROVE TO YOU that she is even worthy of trust!! don't let anyone walk all over you; any relationship is give-and-take, and it sounds like you're doing more than your fair share of giving with not much in return. &welcome to the forums, bismillah... peace, sophia
Thanks for the replies I do love her... she broke up with her bf for me. But sometimes she is not very expressive of her feelings. And the fact that with her first bf, she dumped him for another guy, and dumped that one for another. And with her last bf, she liked another guy and finally me... so that puts more doubts on me but I still love her. Now, I know she loves me in some of the times she shows it, but most of the time she's not expressive. I HAVE to solicit her feeling... I'd have to feel bad, be sick, be injured or something for her to be expressive. @Sophia: Yeah, I think you're right... how should I go about it with her? I'd want to tell her that she needs to show her share of loving... but knowing her, she'd get hurt or get mad... she has quite the temper and she's... domineering... sometimes I give up my opinions because she doesn't agree.
I suggest that you go out and find some other girls to do the same thing with and get back at her. Although i dont know the whole story, and she may have something else going on in her life, iether in her past, presant or future that may be making ehr act this way.
I think you should try and talk to her before you decide anything, but if she gets all domineering and upset just tell her calmly how bad your feeling about this and that your not attacking her but you REALLY need to talk. She sounds like she's not considering your feelings at all. The only way you can sort out the problem is talk about it or leave her, if you can't talk to her then maybe write a long letter and explain everything to her. Having it all written down might make her realise shes treating you bad. If she doesn't change the way shes acting you should leave,maybe she will realise how much she loves you then. I know its easy for us to say and not for you to do,but you don't sound happy now and you sound like a good guy. So good luck!!! Hope i have helped:&
Great input guys, I actually talked to her about give-and-take. Even though it's not as I expected, it's a start. Thanks. More comments are appreciated
Huh? Who'd she promise? Why? If she was actually dating you at the time, that's cheating. If she wasn't, then so what if she went back and had one last roll in the hay with the boy? It sounds to me like she just happens to be good friends with a bunch of boys. Yes, it's making you uncomfortable and YES you two should talk it out, but because she gets along well with guys doesn't mean she's gonna go cheat on you.
Is this still going on? Your tenses are sorta mixed up on the second issue, you say "All she talked about was him and how she admired him." but also "Everytime we talk it's all him him him." If you think she is okay and you just find it hard to trust her, then give it time... trust takes time to build and trust broken takes even longer to re-build, but if she's not doing anything with other guys now then it will... don't feel bad or guilty if you catch yourself doubting her though, that's normal if she has lied to you in the past. If you think she is still lying to you about other guys (seriously have cause to think so, not that vague uncomfortable feeling that comes from past lies), then you really need to have a serious talk with her. It may be a good idea to tell her that you love her, but it's still really gotta stop and you won't give her a new chance for ever. And then don't. It will hurt to break up, but if you let her go on and on, it'll hurt too.
She cheated, kick her ass out. First thing I would've done. If she does it once, she'll do it again, shes scum.
What the hell kind of girl "loves" you, yet makes sure you know she likes some other guy? And she IS doing this on purpose. I haven't much experience, or any really, with women, but logic says you would keep liking for another guy secret from your boyfriend unless you: 1.decide to dump the boyfriend for the other guy, or 2.have some motive for shoving it in his face. I hear so many stories about this kind of stuff, women playing games with and controlling their boyfriends. It makes me a little apprehensive about finally finding that first girlfriend; will she do that kind of shit to me? Judging by the frequency of the stories I've heard, it doesn't seem all that unlikely. Hell, women have played me like this before. At least I didn't get seriously involved with any before they did it though. But yeah, dump that awful bitch. I don't think her enjoyment of the relationship comes from being with you. I think it comes from controlling you and playing with your emotions and shitting on you (figuratively, of course).
as far as I am concerned, if they will cheat WITH you, they will cheat ON you... Remember that, and kick her to the curb. Try to stick with girls that AREN'T taken.
i would say that you should definitely get rid of this girl. If a boyfriend of mine was talking about another girl all the time, he would be done right away. You need a girl that only cares about U. Not any other guy. To me, trust is probably the most important part of a relationship. if u cant trust them, whats the point? She sounds like she doesnt know what the hell she wants and I'm sure you should be able to find someone more true to only u.
