I am a sorta confused person. I mean I am mainly attracted to women, but due to the pressures of society I dated boys and eventually got hitched and raised 4 kids. I have actually enjoyed being with a man a few times. But not very often. Mostly if feels like rape even if it is with someone I care about. I am attracted to a guy sometimes but not often. I have tried to share all this with my family but they say "yeah, yeah" and then try to set me up with some jerk of a guy. I have dated women a few times when I was away from my family. I also got involved in a threesome twice. Both times a disaster. I have been attracted to women since I was 7. I snuck my big brothers Playboy's. I played pretend games that I was a boy. So I'm pretty sure I am a Lesbian. But if I am so hot for chicks then how come I did enjoy being with a guy those few times. Of course, I was very frustrated and horny and the dude was sorta effeminate. I live a pretty lonely life here in my closet and want to come out completely. But I'm scared too. I got a family of redneck Okies who are very homophobic. We live in NY at the moment. I am a few days shy of 46. Thanx for any support. Cricket Shadowolf
I completely understand the need to try to understand yourself & actually know that in many ways this is the process that is necessary to fully figure out who you are. The thing is you don't need to codify it to enjoy sex as it comes to you. Sure if you are looking to have relationships with women it would be foolish to go to places where you wouldn't find any so you have to define this that much but it sounds like you are getting hung up on the fact that sometimes you have enjoyed being with men. I have heard that sexuality is on a bell curve when it comes to definitions. You happen to be a lesbian who has a little hetero or bi tendancies, it sounds. Does it really matter? You sound like you have the freedom now to explore your sexuality. JJust go for it. If when you say New York you mean the city there are certainly many outlets for whatever flavor of sexuality you are into. I don't know if this will help you any but I know a lady who was at first was married & had 2 kids then broke up with her husband & went into a monogamous lesbian relationship with a lady & for years they lived together. She just broke up with her partner & is now dating a man. I don't know her enough to ask her if flat out idf she is bi or whatever but I would bet that she isn't really putting her energies into seeking that kind of definition.
I UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL I AM 36 AND JUST COMEING OUT AS BI AND I AM LEVEING MY WIFE. MOST OF MY FRENDS THINK 100% STR8T AND ALL OF MY FAMLY. BUT I HAVE TOLD A GAY FREND THAT I HAVE KNOWN A LONG TIME AND HE TOLD ME ITS OK AND AS BEEN OF GR8T SURPORT TO ME I HAVE ALLSO TOLD ONE OF MY SR8T MATES AND HE AS BEEN A GOOD ABOUT IT. IT IS LOAD OFF MY MIND.I FOND IT TO HARD UNDERSTAND HOW I FELT FOR A LONG TIME AND I WORKED ON THE GAY SEAN IN A BAR AND MADE A LOT OF FRENDS THER. AND STILL DID NOT UNDERSTAND HOW I FELT. SOME TIMES I SEE A BOYFREND & GIRLFREND IN THE STEET AND THINK I'ED LIKE TO COME BETWEEN THEM 2 LOL. I HOPE YOU CAN FIND YOUR WAY LOVE LOSTBOY7
I'm sorry if i missed this in your post, but are you still 'hitched'? If so, have you discussed your feelings with your partner yet? I think that you need to surround yourself with supportive people - and that doesn't seem to be your family. Do you know any gay/bi people? Acquaintances even? How about joining some queer social groups, and just see how that goes. No-one there is in a position to judge you. Perhaps do this first before you tell your current partner/family/homophobes. Don't go it alone because you don't need to. No-one needs to come out of the closet with sirens and strobe-lights ablaze - find some supportive friends to come out to (like the ones you'll find in this forum), and let it progress from there. This pretty much goes for anyone coming to terms with aspects of themselves, i reckon. Well, i'm young and naïve, and probably a little too idealistic in this post. I've probably missed the whole point completely too, blah.
