..i don't know how to say this, and all aspects of integrity i may have gained on these forums i'm sure will be lost. I'm not myself. I don't know who I am anymore. I cried in the kitchen today for no reason. I can't write. I can't read. I can't draw. Who am I? I'm afarid of myself and my thoughts. I don't want to eat. I'm tired of pretending to my parents I'm okay. I don't think I am. It was gradually, and now suddenly. I'm exhausted. I feel like none of my friends care. I feel they don't notice. I resent them for that. I feel they do but do nothing to acknowledge it. I need help. Why am I feeling like this? Am I depressed? Will it go away? Without medication? How long will it take? Where has my life gone? Where have I gone? I feel empty. And you may laugh because I know I used to when I read tales of depression. Empty, could it be any more cliche, any more textbook. That's how I feel though. I can't describe it in any other way, I don't think I have the strength to. I want to go on medication but I'm afarid to ask. I'm afarid that if I ask and this goes away in a bit, I will feel stupid.
I kinda know what you're going through. Can't say I do completely, I've basically have been at the stage of depression since 6th grade (wow 7 years) and I just now got put on medicine By the sounds of it you have the full depression, you just don't want to do anything. Good, if you have to try to keep it there until you have enough information to make your decision. It's a lot better than being in the suicidal depression. If there is no reason, situational, for you to be depressed than something is wrong. If you get to that stage for no reason, most of the time it means you have the mental condition, not just the inability to deal with things. Medicine doesn't work for everyone. And not every medicine works for a specific person. It'll take a while for it to kick in (took me about two and a half months) but then you'll probably see some changes. Also when on it at the beginning try to put yourself out of stressful situations.
this string of questions is just something for you to consider, i'm not trying to make you uncomfortable and imply that you need to share the answers with the internet: was there anything that triggered this? and how long has this been going on? have you always felt this way, and it is just now intensifying, or is this something new? if there is a cause (like an event that triggered these feelings) then go to the root of it, meds just treat the symptoms. to my understanding, a chemical imbalance doesn't just suddenly happen.. it's usually triggered by something. genetics can come into play, too.. do you have a family history of depression? have you, or do you, see a therapist? if not, find a good one and talk to her/him first. you might need therapy and not meds. or maybe s/he will recommend them. in the mean time, try to elimate negative things from your life. don't listen to lots of sad music, or watch depressing movies/tv, and don't go reading any sylvia plath! those things can re-affirm your feelings and thus help perpetuate them. personally, i find overly positive things also trigger depression... like music that is too upbeat, it sounds fake and then i feel bitter, detached and cynical. so if you're like that, too, than over-the-top cheese-ball music and movies might make things worse. a well-balanced diet might ease things a bit... cut back on fast food and overly processed foods, and cut back on your meat intake (animals killed in slaughterhouses have lots of bad hormones in their meat, because the sympathetic nervous system -- fight-or-flight -- kicks in, and then these hormones are ingested). eat more fruit and fresh veggies, and drink lots of water! i have deep empathy for you, and i wish i could actually help in some way. good luck, i hope you kick the rot soon. <3
I have to disagree that medication "Just treats the symptoms." MOST depresssion is endogenous, meaning it was NOT caused by external events (although that could contribute to the severity) most depression is a CHEMICAL IMBALANCE, and although therapy is essensial when you are depresssed a good part of the time, the chemical problems also need to be treated. You probably need meds. They do work, they are safe if taken properly (sometimes it takes a few tries before you get the best one for your condition) and many many people lead more productive lives than they did before the advent of good antidepressants. (lawgirl I usually agree with you on most things, I just had to say something here. ) Pleaase, see a good psychaitrist (most pediatricians either don't prescribe antidx anymore, or are awful at knowing which ones to choose) and also have the doctor refer you to someone who can help you through therapy. Depression can be treated, and it is most effectively treated in most people with a combo of meds and therapy. I hope you feel better. Hugs, Maggie
Im not going to say i know how you feel, because i dont and nobody does because your an individual.... but i know how hard it is.... if not worse....
now that i re-read what i posted, it definitely doesn't sound clear. and i totally agree, that it is about a chemical imbalance. i didn't mean that all depression is caused soley by an external event.. but more like if a person has a history of depression, external events can trigger depressive episodes. let's say someone has a history of depression, and things have been going alright, she's been feeling fine... and then her pet dies suddenly, that can trigger the depression again. does that sound right? the o.p. didn't say how long this had been going on, or if it had ever happened before. maybe it only lasted a couple days, or maybe it's been going on for weeks.. maybe it's never happened before, maybe it happens all the time. she didn't say, so i didnt want to assume. i meant that if she doesn't have a chemical imbalance, and this is due to say, a breakup/car-crash/death, then meds would not be as appropriate. i just wasn't sure about the specifics of her situation. because (and maybe i'm wrong) one doesnt just have a short-lived imablance happen once in a lifetime... say one is depressed for three weeks, has never been depressed before and never feels that way again, there is probably something other than an imbalance (because if it does go away and you feel fine again, then you're set). does that make more sense? and surfhipe, if you don't mind me asking, how old are you? when she said she was afraid to ask about meds, i assume she meant ask her parents, and is still in high school.. and it just seems like so many high school kids go through a tough emotional time, but that doesnt necessarily mean there is a chemical imbalance, just hormones and changes and all sorts of other things, even down to peer pressures. likewise, a lot of people are diagnosed with depression for the first time in high school, so maybe it's that. but i didn't want to judge before i knew.
