Need advice and love

It's me again. I am still in search of a midwife that is going to the Rainbow Gathering this year in the US. I have posted before but no one really has gotten a hold of me. It seems that I am really alone right now in the planning of my child's birth. I have lost a lot of hope in my friends and family here where I live, but I know my real home is at the Gathering. I think that's why I want to have my baby there so much because I know that there are loving brothers and sisters who will be willing to share and be apart of such a beautiful experience. It seems everyone here in Babylon is tied up into one thing or another. My best friend said she would not be apart of my birth because she does not approve of the father of my child who will also be present. I don't think I consider her my best friend anymore. My doula has just taken a new job and said that if she had to work on the day of my delivery than she couldn't break away. I don't have a supportive midwife and only an authoritative doctor who seems to be very "by the book." Some of you may think I am crazy to want to have a baby in the woods, but this is what my instincts tell me to do. I have been having nightmares about having my child in the hospital. I don't even want to go into the details of my bad dreams, but lets just say they are really bad. I am due at June 30th and this is my second child. So I don't expect to go early, but hey anything could happen. I want to take the appropriate measures and I have informed CALM and the AGR mailing list that I am coming. (maybe some of you have seen my posts) I did also post this thread on the Rainbow forum page.
I cannot figure out why I am getting flaked off by each person that I would trust being there for me. I am one of those people who pride myself in being there for others and then when it comes to them being there for me, they've got something else to do. I am a busy person myself so its understandable, its not like I sit around all day. I am a full time college student and I work pt at a food co-op. I also have a step child and one of my own, 4 and 2 years old. So yes I have my hands full. But I manage to still make time for others. In fact, I want to devote my life to service, being a nurse. I am engaged and don't really feel supported by my mate either. He is so abosrbed with himself. He is always stressed out and takes it out on me and the kids. He says he's never felt happiness. I only see him smile when he goes to hang out away from us and when I leave town to go visit friends and family. My mom ruined my last birth and it didn't turn out well to make a long story short. I don't have any real blood brothers or sisters. I don't know what to do about my situation and basically I am coming to you as parents yourselves to see if anyone can help.
Is there anyone out there who can help me with some advice...
Should I just go to the Gathering and "expect" that my rainbow fam will be there for me? With the risk of something bad happening without a hospital closeby(I hate thinking about it that way) or...
Should I stay where I am and be forced into the hospital birth without the real assertion that I will have a doula or midwife?
I do not want to take my troubles and make them yours by any means, but I am really at my last wick's end here and getting worried. I don't even feel the spiritual connection with my unborn child like I should because of my anxiety and feeling so alone.
What can I do?

 

I really hope that you find the support that you need to carry this through in a way that honors you and the birth of your child. Since I am in Germany, I haven't really been following the US rainbow scene, and I have no idea where it is being held, how remote the location is, etc. But personally, I don't know if I would put that type of trust in the chance that there will be truly qualified people there if there are complications.

Both of my children were born in California where MediCal pays for BOTH midwives and doulas. Is this an option in your state?

 

I am sorry you are not getting the support you need. I hope your birth is safe and blessed.

Did you get any response on the Rainbow Forum? Do you have any freinds from the last gathering you can call for some suppport?

I wish I could help.

 

i really feel for you hun.

My situation is a bit different, but i think my anxiety has been similar.

I spent the first three months of this pregnancy obsessing over midwives and the "perfect" birth, since my first two were born healthy, but the experiences were spiritually disasterous in my opinion. After talking to everyone i could get to listen, emailing tons of national organizations, and actually resorting to calling people at home (that didn't go over well, lol), i found that the nearest midwife is three hours away, and the one i could have seen for either of my other births (had i known it) retired recently.

I could, in theory, move to another state where it's legal for a midwife to attend a homebirth, or i could give birth alone. I have been tempted to try the second option, but it just doesn't feel like something i want to do. So, i have given up in a sense, and started seeing an OB. The whole arrangement seems unfriendly and invasive, but since i've made this choice, i have to admit i'm alot less stressed. I too have learned that i can't count on anyone but myself to take care of me, so i'm going to swallow my pride, give birth in a hospital, but THIS TIME it's going to go my way--i have to trust myself that i can refuse anything that makes me uncomfortable, and that i can make a good experience out of an ugly situation.

Each child has a lesson to teach it's parents. Perhaps this one is teaching me to make due with what i have, or to balance the bad with the good. I don't know, but i have to believe this will go well, or i'm never going to get any peace.

If i were you hun, i wouldn't assume there will be someone at the gathering to help you. There just might not be, or they just won't want to. You can't assume anything in life. You need to decide if you're prepared to go this alone if need be, or to make tangible arrangements. Maybe i took the easy way out, but i chose to make arrangements. Alot of people would choose differently.

 

There are usually midwives around at Rainbow. When I had my first prenatal exam at the Michigan gathering in '02,and the midwife told me to keep the experience confidential with regards to her identity. I suspect the reason you aren't getting any confirmation from anybody is that sort of legal business. You could be anybody,you could be somebody out to bust hippie midwives pretending to be a pregnant sister.I mean I know you aren't but understand that from an "I could end up in prison" standpoint I'd probably be kinda paranoid in that position. You have to do what you feel in your heart, and if I'd been due in the summer I'd have just gone and trusted things to be ok. But do consider the reason nobody wants to be on record agreeing to deliver your baby out there is probably legal crap.It's a sad reality of living in this "free" country of ours.

 

gurl...i feel for you, im kind of in that situation too. i dont want my baby anywhere near flourescent lights and beeping machines when she comes out. i live in indiana where midwives are illegal and though i have found a couple, they are out of town at the time of my birth. im currently looking up info on the farm though. and these hormones arent helping my anxiety much. have faith that things'll turn out in the end. i believe in happy endings unconditionally.


@

 

aim for the stars but don't be disapointed with the earth!!


I wish you luck in your hunt for a natural birth in the place where you would like it to be...my own experience showed me to expect the unexpected so good luck and don't take any of it as a given and enjoy and relish whichever way your darling enters this crazy world as whatever way that is it will be special to both of you!
lots of loving
stephanie and amira