How can I make it through life?

Believe me, drugs and alcohol just aren't cutting it any more. They used to be my way of coping, cos if I was stoned or drunk, nothing mattered.

Then, the other day, I was sitting in the car with my boyfriend and three of his friends, and I was half drunk, sitting there, holding a bottle of vodka, and it just hit me that this isn't where I want to be in life, but at the same time I knew that there's no other way for me.

Sometimes I seriously think that people like me aren't supposed to live past 21. Eternal teenagers. I feel like there's no way out.

I'm really scared. Does anyone else ever feel this way? How the hell are you supposed to live through this? It's impossible. I'm stuck til I die. Fuck, I don't wanna die.....

~Moro

 

once you use drugs or alcohol everyday for a while, this type of depression sets in. after you go sober for a couple of weeks, you wont think those thoughts anymore, and drinking and pot can be fun again!!

 

Quit drinking and doing drugs. If it's hard to do that, get a job that pretty much requires you to slow down your habits a lot.

Relegate all your bad behavior for the weekends. You're still young anyway. You shouldn't be having these thoughts until you're 20.

 

how 'bout MORE drugs and alcohol!!

joking, try taking a break

 

yeah a long break. They fuck you up more than you think. Not at once, but slowly.

 

It's not just that, although I think a break would be good for me (to be honest though, I'm probably gonna keep doing it).
Everything just seems so difficult. This isn't where I wanted to be at 16.
My parents kicked me out, then took me back so that they could get rent money from me to buy a spa pool for themselves. I'm working 7 days a week and half my money goes to my parents.
They wont let me eat their food. I have to buy my own, and last week my wallet was stolen. It's been returned now but without the money, so I don't have food and while I starve until pay day my parents are hitting me up about the rent!

I'm 16, I'm a high school drop out, I work for minimum wage at a supermarket, and last night I couldn't sleep because my skin was hurting for me to cut it. I only got to sleep at 4am after breaking my pencil sharpener and slicing my arm up.

I lay there thinking about what sort of pills to overdose on and that really scared me because I've tried suicide before but I've never felt so serious about NEEDING to die.

I don't want to die. I really just don't see any other way.

 

yeh sorry to say, you suck. see there are people who take drugs for fun and pleasure and those who do it just to escape and caus its what they know. you are evidently of teh latter.

but there is hope!

this is how i see suicide
if you dont like your current life, why get rid of life altogether? i mean youll never get it back. why not use the life youve got to just go and start another life.

hell being a junkie on the street is better than being dead.

and why cut? i mean why not go and end your life with a huge sense of fulfilment like jumping off a building or trying to save someones life

go to firewoman college
or do scientific research

fuck, why just cut and die? what a waste. those people are idiots and have no respect from me. ive got firneds whov tried it. but if they tried it again, i just wouldnt feel sorry for them. id be sad they were gone caus theyre my friend. but i wouldnt feel orry FOR them. you know? like when someone innocently dies its like they shouldnt have died, they could have lived a nice life. but if they kill themselves in the bathroom on random night, they deserve it.


sorry but ive got very stong feeligns about this and its one of the things that disgusts me and i believe is partly due to the way people are brought up these days and waht they are tought

 

OK I agree that I use alcohol as an escape. I drink to get drunk.
But weed is my fun thing. I guess it's mainly the alcohol that's getting to me.
I think I may be a borderline alcoholic or something.
I dunno. It's just fucked up.

 

its no surprise that you would have such depressing thoughts whilst under the influence of alcohol... especially when drinking the vodka... just not quite a happy drunk... thats why i dont drink much, because alcohol is a depressant... Do you have any family history of alcoholism? if so, you may want to look at quitting drinking altogether... if you are really depressed you can get drugs for that that do help... drinking wont help your problems though, only make it worse. I dont usually think marijuana is the cause of peoples depression... maybe paranoia, but Ive never really seen any evidence that suggests marijuana causes depression...

 

fuck the drugs are bad for you but i dont think this is the problem, you seem like a nice girl with two very shitty parents!

I dont mean to be rude but it doesn't sound like they care you are not in school at 16!?

well hopefully you will be stronger for it in the end but your prediciment seems to be your parents fault imo.

 

no they don't care. it's their fault I left in the first place because they decided they weren't gonna 'waste their money' on putting 'someone like me' through school. I didn't really like it there anyway...

 

you sound ill and i'm not trying to be mean. Cutting yourself is a much deeper issue and escaping into drugs and alchol is always a root to a deeper issue. take all the strenght you might have and take your self to seek help like therapy. there are free clinics. if you look at some of my recent threads you will see i know where your at i'm just older.

 

I know that I have depression and need help, but I've spent the last four years talking to different counsellers, and the last one told me that I was just a normal teenage girl.
No one seemed to get it that i'm in pain.
I used to want help like that. I was all keen to talk to someone about it, but my parents wont pay to keep me alive, and no one's helping anyway so i'm sick of it.
~Moro

 

This may sound like risky advice, but given your situation I think it's worth considering:

Get away from your parents.

It'd be one thing if they were loving parents who you initially ran away from because of a teenage urge for rebellion or something... but they don't sound that way at all. When parents charge a teenager rent even when they're starving, and they say things like it not being worth putting "someone like you" through school, then the line is drawn.

You're underage, remember? Call CPS (Child Protective Services) or whatever the equivalent social work outfit is in your area. And if they're not immediately responsive, call the police and charge your parents with criminal neglect. They do not have the right to let you starve, it is a criminal act to do so. One way or another, this should get you the opportunity to get into foster care for a short period of time. You can use that short period to sober yourself up and get your head straight (I'm totally familiar with the drug thing and don't see a problem with them overall, but downtime every once in a while is a Good Thing, and I've totally been there myself).

In a year or two you'll be out on your own again, and maybe you'll fall back on hard times, who knows... but at least you'll have a chance to straighten yourself out and figure out what direction you're heading in long-term.

The one thing I'll say is don't cut your life short with suicide. I've been at that edge myself, and I'm so very, very glad I didn't take that route. When I was a teenager and ready to off myself, I could never in my wildest dreams have predicted the amazing path that I'd follow over the subsequent decade and a half, and the incredible things I'd see and learn and understand along the way. Life is here to be lived. As the saying goes, it is only when you're ready to throw away everything, that you're free to do anything. And you are free to do anything!

Get away from your parents; with the way they've treated you, you owe them nothing and they are a negative influence on you. Get away from negative people and find positive ones; they will feed back on you and you'll see the difference!

 

Completely true... Find yourself a job where you at least (if you dropped out) a job that provides over 50+ hours a week. And though you are a girl, find a physical job. Like me, when I was younger, with family alcoholism, drank heavily. Smoked a lot of pot but cut that out mainly by 16. Drinking 2 liters of wine and a 6 pack a night really is fucked up for a younger person. I can seriously out due most in drinking competitions. But point is, if you don't have the time to drink, you won't. I have cut back to a beer before bed or maybe at most, 4 beers a night. Not only does a long job pay the bills if your parents are seriously that fucked up but it also will keep your mind off drugs and improve your mental health. Me, personally.. felt accomplishment when I could work all day and all week and go 3 months without a day off at age 16. Though that is kind of illegal in labor laws in the US. I got away with it. Go work your ass off girl and never think twice about what thought it is that keeps you drinking. You really don't have time to think about why you drink or anythign else. Almost a scapegoat to phsycology... igonore it in a healthy way.

 

something you should understand is that most of us go through what you're going through at some point in our lives. that's probably why that counselor told u that u r normal. you are. i moved out on my own when i was 16, worked minimum wage to pay rent to people who weren't my parents, and went to school. i'm not saying what you're going through isn't hard. the thing about these kind of experiences, though, is that the people who have had them and learn from them tend to turn out pretty well. at 16, u understand what it's like to feel intense emotional pain. u already realize that family members can be messed up sometimes. use this knowledge in the future to be more compassionate to others who may be acting a certain way because they themselves are in pain. as far as your future, the only thing stopping you is your own self-defeating laziness. there are programs you can look into that will help you in many aspects of your life-including education. you know you don't want to be a 30 yr old drop out. instead of throwing in the towel, make a drastic change. you're 16. 30 or so years from now, you could be looking back at this time as a very intense, but small fraction of your adventures here. or you could quit while you're behind. ultimately the choice is yours, and you're going to have to find your strength on your own. that's how it is for all of us. just know that the people who visit this site will be more than happy to listen to your progress through life, giving helpful hints along the way. something tells me you'll be fine.

 

I can't see how running away from ones parents could help. Its a two handed sword, brings new problems to old ones. You won't be 16 for ever, endure this with patience until you have strenght enough to move away. Drugs and alcohol, no matter what form they come in are just plain evil and never can anything evil bring good.
I hope things turn out well

 

dude, if you're just going to state something as dogmatic as "drugs and alcohol, no matter what form they come in are just plain evil," maybe you should back it up w/some reasoning. i understand you're young, and have probably been affected by some or several events in your life relating to drugs-or maybe you've just been told this all of your life-but it's the type of usage that leads to negative effects. alcohol is simply a drug that requires more respect than some, and it is currently being treated like a whore by most of our population. it's no surprise that it has messed so many people up in return.

 

i never said that drugs and alcohol are evil. jesus, read the thread before posting.

Anyway, just stopping in to say that my parents are raising the rent. I guess they want the spa pool sooner than before.

 

I say male yourse;f a bunch of goals. I knwo this sounds corny but make a list of goals you want to accomplish before you die(and I don't mean from an overdose). Make small goals and big goals too! Then whenever you have a bit of time, figure out a way to achieve a goal, no matter how small. Once you do it, you will feel better about yourself, your life, the direction of your life and so on. Then go for bigger goals, and have bigger ideas. Also, i say with any spare money, buy funny things to read for funny movies or TV shows. Family Guy and The Simpsons are good. Just try to be positive. Your not that bad off. Also like said before lay off the drinking for awhile. And don't cut yourself either. Bad for you. Wish you luck.

*p.s* a bit of E can also help out depression and stress, trust me.