Just need some support. After totally breaking things off with my boyfriend, I am finding myself very lonely. I am strong enough to not go back to him, but I do feel quite a void inside of me. I don't want to jump into anything just because I'm on the rebound. But, honestly, I really want some attention. I can certainly live without it, but I need to hear it from other people too! hahaha! that doesn't make much sense, if I already know that, but it's good to hear. I have been expressing a LOt of control over my female emotions, but I need a few words of encouragement! My hands can only do so much! But I know better to jump into anything and hurt myself or someone else. I need my own life that I am the center of. all I need is a few comments to boost my strength!!
...and in order to get a life that you are very comfortable with, you need to search yourself and find things that interest you; getting involved with your interests will definitely help you not only to keep yourself occupied, but perhaps you will find new friends, and the 'one'. I remember what it was like feeling lonely and depressed when I lost my loved ones.
*hugs* c'mon girl, you know life will get better... you'll find someone else, someone who won't flip out and become abusive when you break up with him. Someone who will love and respect you just as much as you do him. I think it's amazing that you pulled yourself out of such a long relationship without completely breaking down (I would've)... life kinda sucks now but it always gets better somewhere down the road.
Try and keep yourself busy doing things… I found any type of physical activity helped tremendously, especially long walks. I played a whole lot of frisby golf (got pretty good too!). What didn’t help and made things so much worse was drinking and getting all fucked up to avoid it. It took a while before I really got a grip on things. I think you’ll get there faster. It sucks loosing that intimacy with someone, but at the same time, there’s also a great opportunity to really focus on yourself and do exactly what you want when you want and be beholden to nobody. It’s a rewarding feeling to take advantage of that, imo.
I've seen some of your posts about your situation and I totally respect you for leaving and not even thinking about going back. It's hard to do when you love someone and it's so easy to make excuses for their behavior and give in to your emotions. When I came out of my last serious relationship (we lived together a couple of years as well) I felt like I needed someone else to fill that void and I dated a bunch of guys I wouldn't have normally settled for just to fill the void that he had left. It's normal for there to be a void there...and I think sometimes we loose ourselves so much in relationships like that and then when they are all the sudden gone we don't know what to do with ourselves or how to feel better. If you stay strong just keep in mind that time will do for you what you need. Being by yourself again will take some getting used to but I guarentee you that once you get back into yourself you'll be so happy and comfortable there. You have to let yourself be enough for you.
Im not sure if this has happened to you, but sometimes after being with somebody for a long time, if it isnt a healthy relationship, you can lose your sense of self without realizing it. I am in your same situation, as in i am recently single after a 2 yr relationship and finding myself lonely and wanting attention just like you. with me i realised i am a lot more outgoing when i am single for some reason, because i feel like i need to meet new people. with him, i was fine just having him as company so i never branched out. I would say getting in a rebound relationship is not a good idea. If you find somebody interesting, maybe try and keep it as friends for as long as you are comfortable so you have time to clear your head. I have been in a rebound and all it does is cause hurt. Well at least in my case it did. Its not always a bad thing to have some alone time with yourself and discover you more. I am going to start making some of my own clothes, like cool tank tops for summer, because i like those handmade hippy shirts they are just too expensive for me, i have never sewn but i know it will certainly keep me busy, and i will have some new threads to wear to feel good about myself in to when i DO go out! you could also make some hemp necklaces, or some art.And excersizing helps a lot too. i dont know what your into but these are things i am into and am going to start exploring more to see where my talents are. So you could do the same with your interests. Lastly, just dont be afraid to go out! I have few good friends but i initiate going out a lot more now since i am free, it keeps my mind off things and really helps to hear their opinions, plus you can meet new friends that way too. good luck with everything
I think you should be proud of yourself for not feeling the need to go back to him, but most of all you need to learn to praise yourself and rely solely on that. I don't mean like rewarding yourself with material posessions when you maybe last a month without your boyfriend or something, but I mean maybe taking time out every now and then and thinking about how much you've accomplished and how far you've come. It makes you feel good about yourself! Other than that, maybe get a hobby! Anything you want! Something that includes other people so that you can meet others, that'll give you all the attention you want hehe
headymoechick: I'd love to be there for you .. . hold you . . . nurture you. But I haven't completely broken off with my up & down gf, so I'm not available. Maybe in the future. But please know that I respect your words, which have touched me. I wish you the best.
keep a journal. i think that is something that really helped me through some breakups. i feel the need to let it all out, honestly. instead of trying to have others help you, try to turn to yourself. find some inspiring book, i like kerouac, gets me to appreciate life. i hope things will work out for you. think about the great people you will meet at the shows and festivals you'll go to this summer. peace and love
Sorry your hands are tired! I send you much love, hugs and encouragement! You can do!!, Cut his fuckin' head off!
I'm cool. I'm getting my place back and everything is turning out how I wanted. Just a few bumps in the road. I've been a good girl. I feel great practicing so much control over my emotions. It feels good to think about me and respect myself a little more.
ill be a friend. but wait until youre comfortable being single, before you get into another relationship.
I just need to clarify once more, not all guys in Seattle are like this. Headymoe- I'm glad you're looking in a positive direction and things are a bit smoother than the first post. It's not suprising to feel a void when getting out of a relationship. When someone becomes a part of your life, when they're gone, you feel a bit of a hole. But that could happen when you part with a friend or family member as well. Totally natural. *big hug* You'll be fine. You're on the right track. Keep it up and feel free to IM me or any of us other Forums Family members anytime you want, k? We'll do what we can. Now do me a favor and SMILE!
I wish he would leave me alone and stop making me feel so bad. I can't take much more. I almost want to take him back to make him stop freaking out on me.
Thats why he is freaking out. DOnt do it stay strong. I think the futher you stay away from him the better!
He can only make you feel bad if you let him. I say no contact is the best thing just after a break-up, don't take his calls, don't answer the door, don't go to places that he's going to be at, at least for a while. If you have mutual friends that you don't want to give up, at least make sure they know you don't want him around if you're going to come over. If you get back together with him, you'll be reinforcing his behavior. I wouldn't suggest that, although I'm sure you're saying it out of frustration rather than truly considering it. Instead of being nice and taking him back out of pity, be nice and force a distance between the two of you so he has time to get over it. If you have to get a restraining order to keep him off your doorstep, get one. Do whatever it takes to keep him away.
