Insecurities getting the best of me

i will try to make this short. I had a situation a posted before about my bf who broke up with me, but we still were having sex. I said i was going to put a stop to it, but it never happened. Well lately i felt as if i was stronger, i went 2 weeks without hearing from him and during that time i thought about how the situation is slowly breaking me. we would have sex and instead of cuddling like he always wanted in the relationship, he would throw me a tissue to clean up the cum that got on me, and put on his pants then go leave the room for a second, or say he had to go to his dads, or say lets go to the petstore! like before i can even get my pants on. this makes me feel horrible. so i told myself i deserve better.

So when i went over 2 days ago i was going to tell him we need to stop with the sex. But he seemed extra loving or something, i cant explain it, and i fell into his trap and never got up the courage to say anything. Of course afterwards he threw me a box of tissues, put on his pants and said he had to leave.

That was it for me. im done. i cant leave every time feeling used, even though he claims he cares about me. But i need some strength here. i feel soo stupid for not standing up for myself. It sucks when you love someone and care about them and you put up with stuff like this. I need to talk to him about it, and im scared to because i know how he turns it around to make me feel like im the bad guy, if he even comunicates at all with me, he normally closes himself off. when the hell am i going to grow up and stop being so insecure about this stuff, maybe by ending this it will help me grow? I guess i just need some support here, so i know that i can do it. and that i NEED to do it.

 

Yes, you are letting yourself be used by him when it is convenient for him to have sex with you; the getting up and leaving is the biggest slap in the face you could give to a woman, and for that I wouldn't have a shred of respect for him.

I am sorry that you were done that way, and pray that you will emotionally heal and find someone that won't treat you like trash, and will exploit the beauty that you truly possess inside.

 

When my husband and I were dating we had many "breaks" but every time we got together sex happened. Afterwards we'd fall asleep but then it would take several days sometimes weeks for him to want to be with me again.

I kept holding onto every shred of hope I had for us to get back together. I felt used, insecure. I hated myself. I hated the fact I had no strength or enough dignity to put a stop to it.

When I finally said I was done he said he wanted to get married.

We've been married for over 9 years and have two children.

Do what you need to do for yourself now. These feelings that you're having are only going to keep breaking you down. You are worth more than what he's doing to you.

I wish you well.

 

ok well if anyone is even reading thisanymore, are there any suggestions as to how i should say this to him without making it seem like im blaming him. i mean, all i can think of now to say is nothing but YOU this and YOU that, and i have always been told that saying You can make the person feel attacked and blamed and i dont want to do that, i want what i say to make since to him, and i am just scared that it wont. i still want to be friends with him, this is just too complicated.

 

Can you tell him that you feel your needs are not being met? Instead of pointing your finger at him yelling YOU instead you could say This is what I need and my needs are not being met.

I hear what your saying. I know you don't want to attack him but you want your point to get across. This might be a good way to do that by redirecting it at yourself.

 

I’m sorry you’ve gotten into such a twisted situation, voodoo… there’s not many details here, but I’ve read another thread from you about this guy, and he seems like a real piece of trash. You just don’t treat someone you care about the way he’s been treating you.

If you really want to talk to him, I’d take peanuts advice. Tell him what’s upsetting you and what you want from him. I don’t know if you’re going to get a response you like, though.