If I was like that....

How do you feel when your girlfriend/boyfriend is looking at other men/women while you´re with her/him?

That has been bothering me for awhile. First I thought I was just overreacting but lately.. he´s been looking at other girls. Once we were looking for pictures of landscapes on the Internet and found some site that had pictures of girls. Not a p*rn site but almost and he said "mmm, what do we have here". Maybe it´s nothing but it made me feel kind of... like I wasn´t there or like I was one of his friends (male). And when we are somewhere, for example at a grocery store, he keeps looking at other girls and is not even trying to hide it from me. Now I don´t like lying but he hasn´t done this before. We´ve been together for almost three years now and I´ve been thinking that could he be bored of me?

When he was at a bar with his friends he tried to pick up a girl (and succeeded in some level), it was just some kind of bet they had between friends, he said. Well, I didn´t think it was such a nice thing to do to her or to me.

He´s been telling that I should lose some weight (maybe 5 kilos). He compares me with other girls (like if you lost some weight you would look like that too). I don´t know if he tries to motivate me with that but he does that quite often and it bothers me. We have had our problems (I´m not sure whether I want children or not) but we have always solved them.

I´m just a bit confused. What is he trying to tell me? That he´s checking other girls for future if things don´t work out between us? I´ve been thinking that this is what men do but he hasn´t behaved like this before. Just these last few months.

I don´t know what I should think of this if anything.

 

Alot of the signals I've read point to the fact that he is trying to set something up, get it going, then leave you for whatever reason. If he is uncomfortable with your weight, but you think you are find, then sorry about his luck--he should accept you for who you are, and the things he is doing to now is bullshit.
Do not be totally surprised if this one ends in heartache, so to protect yourself, pull back a little in the relationship and see what his reaction is.....protect your heart and your interests.

 

If my boyfriend told me if i lost some weight i would look better like other girls, that would hurt to the core. that just doesnt seem healthy to me. I think you deserve a guy who loves you for who you are, and is not so caught up on looks. i can see if it was an unhealthy wieght someone saying something because they are concerned, but i'm sure thats not the case here. I agree with the other poster, it kind of sounds to me like this might end in heart ache too, and maybe you need to take a break. But i would pull back a bit form the relationship and see how he reacts, or confront his ass when he makes those degrading remarks. thats unacceptable.

 

Sounds like he's losing respect for you, as his girlfriend. I was in a relationship where my boyfriend at the time, would act one way with me yet tell his friends that he was banging other girls (which he wasn't). When i found out i totally felt disrespected and ended the relationship on the basis that he was obviously not happy with being with me.

 

He's not treating you right if he's acting like that. You deserve better girl! Sure, it's natural for both sexes to look, but from the way it sounds, and the way he's been comparing you to other women, he's not showing you any respect whatsoever.

Big hugs to you and good luck...

 

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drop him. drop him NOW

I'm sorry but anyone who cares about you wouldn't compare you to other people. Wouldn't tell you regularly that you should lose some weight. Wouldn't try to pick someone up while he's dating you. That is above and beyond disrespectul.

 

Get out of there. Picking up other girls is not okay, and nor is comparing your weight with other girls. Right now he is either waiting to see if you'll slim down, or to find an ample time to dump you without himself feeling too guilty.

and I must say..

I loudly suggest that you don't take this advice. Don't play games. Because if you do this, you'll be playing his game and you'll be just as low as he is. Hold your dignity, babe. Let him wallow. Solo.

 

I think that he is trying to send signals to you that he wants more lovin'. It may be his subconscious way to try to spur you into giving more affection, and sex I suppose. You know, to make you work for it. It doesn't necessarily mean he wants someone else. I mean, it could, but it's not for sure.


Now I don´t like lying but he hasn´t done this before. We´ve been together for almost three years now and I´ve been thinking that could he be bored of me?

But when you mention this, it begins to sound like your boyfriend is maybe an inconsiderate, immature jerkoff. What kind of guy likes to play a bullshit game like that? Certainly not the kind that I think deserves to have a loving girlfriend. Guys who pull that kind of asshole shit deserve to be fuckin' LONELY. And meanwhile, here I am, lonely, and I would treat a girl with nothing but love and respect. Go figure.

What's he trying to tell you? "I'm an inconsiderate boor who doesn't deserve you, and I am trying to push you into wanting to dump me and find someone who treats you nicely and loves you unconditionally and accepts you the way you are."

That's what I think he's trying to tell you.

-Jeffrey

 

Like I said, this chick is never wrong.

ihmurria, if you lived locally, I would hope I could muster the balls to ask you out and be a boyfriend to you, because you are SO incredibly respect-worthy, hot, together, appealing... How do they say... "You got it goin' on!"

What do you look for in a guy, anway. (I know, you have a boyfriend now anyway, right? I don't mean to be steppin' on that... Just curious.)

-Jeffrey

 

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I'm hinting that he's missing something. I'm not a guy, yet I still get the impression from guys here and there that they've found relationships that go beyond 'sex n' games' that are a little more special; fulfilling. Emotionally as well as sexually.

 

i dont think that is right of him....telling you to lose weight is totally disrespectful and i think that you should drop him...i mean as far as the looking at other girls...my husband does that still to this day and it doesnt bother me...i look at other guys as well and judge them but he has nver compared me to them unless i asked him too.. but when he tells you basically that ykou should look like them it is totally wrong and you should just swallow your pride and confront him about it and then dump him....you deserve so much better.

 

get out of that relationship, its not healthy. i went through a similar experience a long time ago and it made me realise i dont need that kind of bullshit. needless to say i got my heart broken cos i didnt end it in time....save yourself the heartbreak. you're better off alone than with that asshole. seriously, love is respect too, and he hasnt got any towards you. good luck sister.

 

it's one thing to show concern about a health problem if you are substantially overweight. by substantially, i mean 30 lbs or MORE. it's COMPLETELY another to compare you to other women! he should like/love you for who you are and your uniqueness and not make you feel like you should have to conform to ANY kind of image. that is purely disrespectful and he is, quite frankly, a douchebag. dump him.

 

this mentality on relationships pisses me off. games are not part of a real, adult relationship! honesty, communication, and respect ARE. playing games is disrespectful and immature and most of all STUPID. people who play games in a relationship or try to get the "upper hand" are big, fat douchebags.

 

Damn Men!!!

 

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well. I'm disappointed. I think I'm going to go have a cry. My god. NEED ME, WANT ME (for more than getting off) damnit