unfineshed poem need help pls

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by marcella312001, Feb 15, 2005.

  1. marcella312001

    marcella312001 Member

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    I stand here alone on this empty stage
    a simple ghost of a bygone age,
    a child of nature in this world of stone,
    who cannot find her way back home.
    I try to fit in, in these city streets
    but my heart crys out for the forests, and stream.
    I look for the river's and sparkeling dew,
    and find only poisons discarded by you.
    this world you've destroyed was not yours to take
    it belonged to the children who sleep in the lake,
    it belonged to the crickets who sing in the night,
    it belonged to my children not your greed and spite.

    But you call it progress, this world you create
    by killing my forests, and poisoning my lakes.
    just how long did you think I would stand back and watch,
    while you took of my bounty and gave nothing back.
    You've taken my gifts and forsaken my name,
    now I will not save you from your own bitter pain.
     
  2. Desert Stargazer

    Desert Stargazer Member

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    this world so abused now is just a big splotch
     
  3. measa420

    measa420 Member

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    i try to hold strong,
    and never change!
     
  4. marcella312001

    marcella312001 Member

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    Thank you for your help it is now fineshed though and I would like your input on what you think of it.
     
  5. measa420

    measa420 Member

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    Beautiful
     
  6. marcella312001

    marcella312001 Member

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    Thank you measa420
     
  7. TrippinBTM

    TrippinBTM Ramblin' Man

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    I think it's already done. Except the 3rd and 4th to last lines don't rhyme, you should fix that.
     

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