Wrote it last night... i am not sure what i think about it yet... what do you think? any ideas for a tittle?? I chain- smoked in a coffin for a year… Endeavored to compose a further life From mislaid words on rusty panes. Desperate tears swelling down the chamber’s glass Imploring my mind to file down the bars of horror He once had secured me in… Peeling off my skin, Tenderly pending for the moment he’d finally attain the heart I sanctioned his each and every finger slithering through my consciousness Let his fever ablaze my innocence Carving his slaughter in the depth of the jade of my eyes… Peace and much love to all of you
I liked the first 'stanza' muchly, but then in the second stanza you kinda veer off and I lose the theme. I think it woulda been cooler if you focused the piece a bit more, as it is it's a lil fuzzy, perhaps around this line [I chain- smoked in a coffin for a year…] which by the way is a superrrrrb intro, a great metaphor could come from it.
