Tonight I need a virtual shoulder to cry on...

I need a virual shoulder to cry on tonight. As a small number of you might know from one of my earlier postings I had a Son who never quite made it to two. He died a couple of years ago. Well tonight I am missing him everso desperately. Just that bit more than usual. I don't want to talk about it as such, just please let my cry on your understanding shoulders please?

 

i am so sorry that must be really hard...

 

Aw, Stasia, so sorry. You can cry on my shoulder if you want to...as long as you don't mind me crying too.

 

I was reading an article today. About half of all baby emperor penguins die. I am sorry, I don't know how you feel. Death is not very present in my life... yet.

 

i dont really know what to say to make you feel any better because i can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling...i did have a friend go through the same thing about a year ago, and i know how tough it was for her. just know that you are surrounded by people who may have never met you, but do care about you. i dont know what i could do or say to make you feel better, but i just want to say i'm so sorry.

 

Stasia,
Let your tears out..afterwards you'll feel better..
We know it's hard for you..and many of us can't imagine the pain..
you have to go through..remember 1 thing..this is a hippie forum..
so remember the song of The Beatles...here comes the sun....
we cannot bring back your son..but...we will give you that little
sparkle...that ray in the sun..which keeps us going on..
in this often unjust and cruel world...Stasia..come on..
We are all here with you..united...because we are hippies..
so...not my shoulder..but a thousand shoulders..
we are offering you..put on some good music...and forget..
what's bothering you..your tears...forget about it..

old tiger(Emiel)
Belgium

 

Thank you everyone for repling with such beautiful seniments. I was just having a very low 'all alone' moment. I was crying desperate and hopeless tears but then when I read all your messages some how how I didn't feel quite so desperate, I didn't feel quite so hopeless. Then I read your reply "old Tiger" What a beautiful spirit you are! I immediately went and put the accoustic version of "Here comes the sun" by George Harrison ft. Paul Simon on and sat in the dark at the doorway of my balcony listening to it and having a smoke, watching the stars and my smoke I exhaled dance away in to the night sky. I started to cry even harder, BUT in a different way, a smile started to filter through. I have you to thank for that.

I do know that my presious little son is not really gone, just in another 'room' that I dont yet have the keys for. He is the sparkle where the sun light shines off the ripples in the river, the warm glow of the sunbeam kissing the horizon, the spirit hidden in the wind that makes the autuem leaves dance down the street trying to leave the ground to fly. I do strongly believe that, so in a strange way I don't always feel the overwhelming feeling of loss for him, I just reminis on alll the beautiful life memories he gave me and quietly miss him without making to much of a fuss wiping away any tears before they become visable to anyone else. I do have those selfish moments though where I don't care where he went, I don't care why he had to go away,...I WANT HIM BACK HERE!! Lastnight was just one of those nights. So I am sorry. Also I must thank you all for being so wonderfully sweet in my bleak and lonely hour. I am feeling so much better this morning after having a cry for a few hours untill the tears litterally ran out. But I do feel so much brighter this morning. I'm feeling a lot more 'balanced' So thank you all and esp. "Old Tiger" May I wish you all a truely happy and pleasant week. XXXX

Love, peace and empathy,
Stasia. XXX

 

Anastasia,

I'm glad you let your tears go..it brought you solace..
nobody of us..can understand your pain..which is embedded deep
in yourself..only you know that your son Lewis Bohdan shouldn't
have gone so soon...that pain..is something which cuts deep..
wounds heal they say...but certain wounds...are deep..
We as hippies should be able to give you at least the moral support
you need in difficult times..never feel ashamed to express your inner
feelings..to know someone here and there..with whom you can feel..
that little understanding..which should be in hippie minds..
well,Anastasia..that's a bit of ointment on your wound..
in spite of distances,languages,religions,and thoughts unexpressed..
just that..can make this life a garden...
value each day as if it was your last..
and treat each person as if they were a reflection of yourself..
Happiness is only a word in the dictionnary..
to achieve it...we'll have to fight for it...
and if anyone on this forum needs a helping hand..
or a shoulder to look for support in difficult days..
let's give it to each other..without any limits..
old tiger(Emiel)
Belgium

 

Sweetheart, thank you for your very kind supportive words. They DO make such a difference. You are a true life angel.
The same way my second born Son, Abayomi Phoenix who has single handedly saved me from my planned self induced 'departure' from this world is. My sweet, sweet second born child is the ONLY reason I am strong to endure a life without my darling Lewis Bohdan. Abayomi Phoenix has truely saved me just by 'being'. The way I see things (when grief hasn't got a chockingly tight grip on me...) is that Lewis Bohdan showed me what true love and the purest happieness looks and feels like so that I would recognise it when I was blessed with it a second time around. Which, now I have had Abayomi Phoenix, I know I have been. So that makes me one very lucky hippy really. Lewis Bohdan taught me SO much and Abayomi Phoenix saved my soul and my LIFE, so yes, I really believe I am one very lucky hippy indeed.

 

Stasia,

So sorry for this mistake..in my posting I have done a correction..
Could you do the same in your posting,please..
you see,in life..a mistake is easily made..
some people come into our life..and quickly go..
some stay for a while and leave footprints in our hearts..
and we are never ever the same..
May the son you lost not only stay in your heart..
no..this loss..will make you stronger..to raise the one who's still
there..if every mother should act like you...
there would be less misery in this world..for me you are a HIPPIE
in the true sense of the word..Hippie doesn't mean long hair,smoke
pot..no .HIPPIE is a state of mind...it means be good to the ones
you care for..and that love..you will get it back..
and that feeling of strenght..will grow..the more love&peace you can
give to others..will give you true peace of mind as well..
Emiel(old tiger)
Belgium..

 

Stasia,
If you ever feel down again..please let us know on this forum..
We will do our best to make you see different..
only little we can help you out of your pain..
but a lot of little things..make life wonderful sometimes..
True friends are like stars..
sometimes you don't see them...
but they are always there..



Emiel(old tiger)
Belgium..

 

Sorry I did not reply to this as soon as I read it I was still in a tearful mood and not really feeling up to talking (Which if you knew me in life away from the internet you would know that, that is not really like me. I always need to talk. Conversation is one of very few human art forms left...)
Anyway, sweetheart, you must be so in tune with me! You mentioned the whole "footprints" thing!! I can't believe you did! That has always been my very favorate notion ever, so much so that I have two footprints (slightly abstact/swirley that I designed myself...) tattooed at the top of my back, inbetween my shoulders, one for each of my children!!! Both my children, Abayomi Phoenix and Lewis Bohdan (and any potential future children I may one day have...) not only leave footprints on my heart, but my back too!!! Lol. You are definately tuned in to the same 'frequencey' as me with that one my darling!
Also...."why thank you kind sir"....calling me a 'true Hippie' is a big compliment to me. Nice to see that someone noticed that being a hippie is NOT just about smoking dope and dressing like a 70's throw back or natures child, NO!...it IS so much more than that. (although all of the above are just fine!! Fun even...)


It's no good lighting up a joint, slipping on some 'jesus sandles' and calling yourself a hippie! I have to be honest, it kind of does annoy me when I see or hear people labling themselves a 'hippie' just because cause they wear thier hair long and smoke a little pot!! Sorry to sound so unforgiving but it does kind of annoy me. If they truely are interested in being a hippie, for real, I'd say it's no different to wanting convert realigion. You do you research, get your self even just part way educated on the social history of it and make sure you at least 'try' to actually learn about it and practice it in your everyday life. Just as you would do a realigion if you were realigious. Thats my point of view anyway,...yadda, yadda, yadda......

 

Stasia,


This link I send you if ever you are not feeling O.K..
it's about friendsdhip and love..that's wat being a hippie
is all about..or what it should be about..
the only unsinkable ship in this world is FRIENDSHIP

http://users.pandora.be/stockfleth.greta

old tiger(Belgium)

P.S.Great music+real nice words on this link..
let me know what you think about it..

 

Thank you so much. You're a real sweetie! I esp. need that right now to as I am feeling kind of shitty at the moment too. Just had a HUGE nasty 'cyber aruement' with some insensitive prat on the weird confessions forum.

 

Stasia,

Come on now...brighten up your mind..
We all have good and bad days..that's life..
as long as there will be jealousy,envy and distrust..
there always be misunderstandings..
We,hippie forummers..well..we don't care about all negative things..
deep inside we are all hippies..and what's more..
to hell with the rest...we are 1 kind..all of us...hippies..
nobody will ever be able to destroy our real feelings..
so accept our hugs and a thousand smiles...
sometimes when we all are left on our own and feel loneley..
still remember that we are always carried by a golden tread..
called FRIENDSHIP...
old tiger(Belgium)

 

oops accidently post twice! deleted this one.

 

Hello, to all you old hippies out there! I hit the tail end of the hippie movement, and was teenager when I started to adopt the hippie lifestyle.
I will make a list and you all can determine if I was a true hippie or not.

1) My first introduction to hippiehood was dropping acid at the age 14.
2) But it wasn't until my brother was sent to Vietnam, I really bean to change.
3) Soon after I got rid of the makeup, started wearing hiking boots, wore old holie patched & embroidered jeans, macramade belts & old flannel shirts (goodwill).
4) I quit shaving my armpits & legs, but because of my Native American heritage I didn't grow much hair anyway. This was devastating to me.
5) Stopped wearing a bra.
6) Hung out in hippie parks.
7) I sold "Willamette Bridges" & pan handeled in downtown Portland.
8) Began eating & drinking natural foods such as, soy bean patties, goats mild & sprouts.
9) Hitch hiked when hitch hiking was fairly safe.
10) Actually slept in "Goodwill" box & an abandoned house several times, and was homeless but didn't know it.
(basically I came home from high school one day and my folks moved)
11) Began Protesting the Vietnam War.
12) Helped to burn efigy of Nixon outside his hotel in downtown Portland.
"Tin soldiers & Nixon's coming were're finally on our own, this summer I hear the drumming four dead in Ohio!"
13) Attended rallies such as, "Free Angela Davis & All Political Prisoners!"
POWER TO THE PEOPLE!
14) Lived in old house with 7 other hippies and 7 dogs!
15) Drank electric wine & dropped a lot more acid.
16) Help to sneek approx. 25 -30 people in to Led Zepplin concert.
17) Listen to the Fireside Theater, Frank Zappa, & all the classic ROCK of that time.
18) I was extremely affected by the movies, "Joe" & "Billyjack".
19) Read Johnathan Livingston Segal, Sidhartha & Hobbit
20) Wore petulie oil (please excuse my spelling)
21) Attended "Bull Frog" 1 & 2, & Satsup in WA.
22) Wrote poems and painted anti-war images on house walls.

Do I qualify?
Anyway, so much more to share & I look forward to learning more here.

Thanks for this forum!
Rjchinook

 

stasia.
heres my shoulder please use it when ever you need it
just remember if you cant find a friend then im on line most evenings if im online send me message i well try to allways respond.
after every storm there cumes a rainbow some times its here soon after some times it takes weeks or years hold up ur head and march on frow. there are days when the storm returns just put on the worlds bigest smile and shine on frow.
may this reply find you happy and well love hope and rainbows sunflower

 

Thank you darlin. I am feeling so much better now, I really should not let horrible people get to me. I know it, but I just do some times.
But I figuer anyone who cares that little about anyone elses feeling/happieness probably has a lot of things about themself that they are deeply unhappy about so hence why they care so little about other peoples feelings. I kind of feel sorry for them now instead of myself. So in true hippie spirit I am now allowing it to wash over me like water off a ducks back. It's a good philosaphy I think, don't you?
From now on please lets return to chatting how we should be, hippie happy!!! Not having to babysit my 'upset' mind, because I am, really, I am feeling good now. I just hope ALL of you that have been so kind to me are all feeling good too. If not then just remember smiles are highly infectious, and I am smilling right at you all!!! (See, you are smilling now aren't you??)

Love, peace and empathy
Stasia XXX

 

Stasia,
So glad to hear you are O.K.now..
and such a great thing you share your problems with us..
I deeply respect someone who openly can admit to others
that he or she feels bad or down..everybody is like the moon..
and has a dark side which we never show to anybody..
let's call it our inner wall..where everything is hidden which we
don't anyone else to know..well..Stasia..you proved otherwise..
because you have the guts to tell us what's wrong with you..
so..we can all offer you a helping hand..and oh..these smiles of
yours..oh..yes..we all feel very happy about that..
I think a lot of women can take an example on you..
cheer up now..listen to some good music..and you feel all the
positiv good vibes coming to you via this forum...
and remember..we are always here to help you out..
old tiger(Belgium)