I wanted to know your opinion on the subject of love, relationships, and marriage. Here is my topic: How long do you think a person should wait for a person that's in love with them to marry them? Shouls you stay with a person in a long relationship when that person isn't coming close to marrying you? Say for instance that you have been with a guy for 24 years and he hasn't asked you to marry him; do you think that this is a good relationship? How much time should you give a person to ask you to marry him/her? Lot's of questions but I kept it short.
ok first of all if you have been with the same guy 24 years you are probably married as far as the law is concerned. I was married for four years and I will never get married again. If a person wants to get married they should find a partner that wants to be married also. If you are inlove with the guy then a piece of paper doesn't mean jack shit. It is a lot harder to get out of marriage then it is to get into one. Just becasue he hasn't asked you to marry him does not mean he is not commited to you. Anyway good luck,take care. hugs, gilli
_______________ Thank you but this post wasn't about me. (I write stuff and I forget to write the disclaimer lol. Besides, 24 year relationship would be a little much for me lol. I was just curious to see how people felt. I know a person that is in the situation and I know another that got married after 13/14 years and I think they are happy. (I'm not married and I'm a little young to have been with a guy for 24 years lol.) Thanks so much for your response though and hope stuff is going well for you as well.
I don't think you should base your relationship on whether or not you are married or have been asked to be married, does not being married change the way that person treats you I think not. Anyway I think marriage is for the most part a stupid idea, and people should stop basing their lives on the idea that they have to get married at a certain point. What's the point if it's going to end anyway? Why not everyone stop worrying about forever and live in the now...okay, good.
Well, since I don't really believe in marriage, I think that a 24 year old relationship is probably a bloody amazing one. If you live with the person for a few years, you're usually considered to have a common-law marriage in the eyes of the government/law, just without the giant expensive ceremony and all the stress that can bring. Every person has a different view of marriage. If it's something that you really want, you should probably talk to your partner about it when you start to get pretty serious. Not first date material, but within the first year or two. Don't demand a proposal, just say that you would love to get married in the future - it's something you've been lookign forward to for x years and something you definately want to experience. Hopefully your partner will get the hint then
For me, personally, I really don't see marriage as an option. Not even a long-term relationship. I'm content on my own. I'm not a relationshipy-type person. Never have been. For anyone else...well, personal prefrences take priority. I know one friend who would no doubt expect a proposal if she had a really long term relationship, and I have another friend who has got engaged, but has no plans of an actuall marriage for a while. Different people will see it different ways.
There's one thing i'll never understand....why the need to get married? Why not live together and make a life together as a couple, but why do people need to sing that peice of paper to show everyone they love each other? is there some sense of pride in that? or is it just for the legal implications? i've never been the kind of girl who has always dreamed about the fucking whie dress and meeting prince charming...hehehehehe...i'm just ranting again...i guess i might have some issues with the whole mariage thing, even when my parents are happily married after 23 years.... I guess you are the only one to know whether you're ready for such a commitment. i mean i know i couldnt, not now, but then it's an individual thing i guess.
I think marriage is awesome. To some I guess it's just a piece of paper, but I think it's probably (for some) about more than that. There's beautiful symbolism in a marriage, beautiful meaning in it - I doubt I personally could feel that from simply living together and never getting married. As for the actually wedding, not everyone needs a "fucking white dress" .. I mean these days, everyone is free to essentially have their own ceremony, their way. To me, as well, I think marriage is like the ultimate committment to another person. I mean people can say they're committed to eachother living together, and maybe they are - I know one couple that's been living together for a long time, they're definitely soul mates But personally I really want that opportunity, with the wedding vows and everything, and sharing that day with people that are close to us. But again, to each their own To answer the original question, what you "should" or "should not do" when it comes to relationships and getting married or not getting married is a personal decision. Do you want to get married? Does your partner? Are you in places (emotionally AND financially) that you're prepared for the responsibilities? Everyone is different. But in the case with the 24 year relationship...because I personally do want to get married, I doubt I would be dating someone for 24 years without either getting married or moving on .... I guess these are important things to talk about with your partner!
Totally agree Honestly why do people do all this waiting. It's the age of equality, so ask them your freaking self. When the moment is right it'll happen. If you want to go for it, if not well that's grand. Free country and all. Not sure if I'll get married. Might go for a handfasting just as show of 'right we're going to make this forever' (or give it a damn good shot) for all important parties. Can't be doing with all the legal stuff though. See no need for a bit of paper to prove what we know already.
Marraige isnt a neccesity, but if ONE partner wants marraige and the other doesn't that is probably an irreconcilable difference. If one wanted to get married, and some guy was stalliing for years on end, I think the womyn should end it (or visa vera, if the womyn didn't want to get married and was leading the man on.) If BOTH parties don't want to get married, then I see no problem. I do think people should know each other for at least a few years before getting married. You want to know how this person will handle stress, greif, financial problems, pressure from other family members, children ect. You can't know all that about a person in a few months. But that is only MY opinion. Everyone needs to make their own choice. But talking about WHAT you expect from a partner is mandatory in all cases.
Should you stay with a person in a long relationship if they're not coming close to marrying you? Yes, if you love that person. But if you're one of those people who just NEEDS to be married, then that's your choice. Personally, I'm not a big fan of marriage, and I would rather be with someone for love, not for a legal binding. If you've been with a guy for 24 years and they don't want to marry you...yes, I'd say that's a great relationship. And...the reason why I think that is because that guy is staying with you because he obviously WANTS to be with you and loves you...not because he's legally tied to you. If you're with someone for that long...why would you NEED to be married? Obviously you're with them for a reason...would a marriage make the relationship just that much better? (I know this isn't directed towards you, I'm just ranting...lol). How much time do you give a person to ask for your hand in marriage? It depends on who you are as a person, I suppose. If you want to be married, you should be with someone who feels the same as you, and who would want to propose within a reasonable amount of time, I guess. I mean, my cousin had been dating her bf for 7 years and just got engaged the other day. Is 7 years too much? I dunno...I guess it was right for them. Personally, I don't know...they are living together anyway, so a marriage at this point is kinda like...eh, it's not a big deal...we know you're going to be together anyway...lol. As for my own personal preference, I don't really want to get married. I like being with someone for love and because I want to. The legality of it all doesn't interest me.
Exactly.... You should really know a person before you decide to get married... But Marrige isn't that big of a deal.. I dont think I have to get married by a certain age or time... Id like to get married... But If im with a man for 24 years and everything is perfect except were not married... Why change it... I personaly could give up marriage in that case...
Well, my husband and I were together for 3 years prior to becoming married. I was impatient for marriage even before that. For me, I knew that I couldn't keep going on without a firm commitment, even though I loved him with all of my heart. We were living together for a year before we became married, and I never felt comfortable with the situation. The reason we moved in together in the first place was because my mother skipped town and I had no where to go, unless I had decided to leave with her, which I (we) certainly did not want to do. So my husband suggested that we move in together. While I was excited, I also felt some guilt. Hey, I was raised somewhat old-fashioned in many ways, even if it was a more "do as I say, not as I do" hypocritical upbringing. The way I see it is, because marriage is harder to end than just walking out the door, I think it may offer more stability to actually be legally married. Maybe it makes people work at their relationship more? I don't know. Maybe it doesn't really matter either way when it all comes down to true love. All I know was I had my limitations. I wanted marriage, I wanted children. Not that a piece of paper changes things, because my husband and I felt married to one another way before that. But it was important to me, and my husband understood and supported that.
Let me go out on a skinny ole limb with my well-endowed butt and say what I think. I met a couple that has been married for 48 years. (Yea for them!!) I feel in my heart of hearts that anything less than marrige is second best. Call me old fashion but I think marrige is more than a piece of meaningless paper. Marriage is your word to God and your man/woman that you will love them with your whole heart and their life is now your life. (Yeah I'm corney.) I also believe that when you live with a person than you cheapen your relationship. (I can hear the boo birds now hehehehe.) I think that living with someone is the same as trying the sampler tray at a grocery store instead of buying the item. Sure it may be something that turns you on but will it will help you decide or have you already decided and just want the free goodies. Some people say it's finacial, others say it's freedom, and some say that it doesn't matter but I think the truth is that you don't feel enough love to want to give your complete self to another person. The fact that some people say it's harder to get out of a marrige than it is to enter one indicates that it's something other than love that motivates your life. I strongly believe that after you've been married for awhile and you break up than the hard part should be losing that person but in most cases it's not. It's, how shall we split the money, who will take care of the kids or I want to see other people. I feel that people view living together as marriage with perks and an out clause. Have all the sex, children, and keep your finaces seperate but when you get bored or things get too tough than you can leave and take what's yours with you.
marriage means nothing except legally. if youve been with a guy for 24 years what else do you want? that seems like a great relationship. unless marriage is just very important to you , then he should know that by now and if he does and still hasnt asked you then maybe he has some deep rooted psychological thing against it. but if youve been with him this long and marriage is important to you and he doesnt know that then thats also a bad sign. i think its probably just that it means nothing to him bc its justa peice of paper and if youve eben togethor this long why should it matter if your married or not
________ People never believe me when I say it's not about me lol. (But it isn't) I feel that a person must have some fear to not want to marry. I mean, why stay single? People are more worried that they can't get out of a marrige than trying to live happily ever after in one. What's more important, money or love?
Like Bellefire said though, to some people it's more than just a piece of paper. I think marriage is a lot more than a piece of paper too - I'm with her on that one. But I'll agree with you too, anastasia, with what you said towards the end - (and you too Maggie) ANY sort of relationship, whether it's common-law or married, needs to have it's intentions out in the open. Don't drag your partner on letting them think you want to get married and then suddenly say "I don't ever want to get married" after you've been dating for a few years or whatever... make your intentions clear. And know what breaks the deal. Like Hippychickmommy, she knew she wanted marriage and kids, and made sure her man knew that. Awesome! If you DON'T want to get married, make sure your partner knows that upfront, so they aren't let down later on. JMHO!
Yeah, I'll be the first to admit that I am pretty terrified of marriage myself. Although I have seen...hmm...I guess 2 really good marriages in my life, I've kinda been jaded and made very unsure because of my parents' marriage. I know, I'm not them, blah blah, but it still scares the shit outta me. And I guess on top of it, I'm just a very independent person, and I like to know that I'm me and I can just take care of myself and that's enough. Yeah, I know, it's selfish, but I'm not ready to be completely selfless. I'm with my boyfriend because I want to be with him and we're beautiful together and love each other a lot. Who knows...maybe one day I'll feel that itch to be hitched (haha, I'm corny), but right now, I'm just not at that point, and we've both discussed how we don't want to be married and we're both cool with that. I guess also, I don't like the view that, if you're married, then you'll supposedly try harder to work through things instead of just leaving. I guess that's good, but if you need a marriage to make you WANT to work through something, then there's a problem there. And no, it's not about money vs. love, at least not to me. Love is all I've got when it comes to my relationship. I'm not worried about finances...that's not why I don't want to be married. And I don't see how love has to mean marriage. I understand your view on it, Bellfire, and I don't put people down who see marriage as how they want their life to be, but personally, I don't see marriage as a necessity, or as a way of saying a relationship is more important or stable, or what-have-you.
Here is why I stay single: Because I WANT to. I am NOT worried about not wanting to marry. Ugh, my older relatives are like this. Marriage is not for everyone. There is NO rule saying that you can only be happy if you're married, and if you don't want to get married, there's something wrong with you.
______________________ I mean people that are in a fixed relationship not people that want to have there freedom.(I don't feel everyone wants or needs to get married but a person living with their love on should get married. (I ask why live with someone that you don't feel enough love for to marry.) Supper Girl had some pretty go words for me and I thank her. I also want to thank each of you that have answered my post. (I both value and respect your opinions so keep them coming
