Greetings from Hannibal Lecter, M.D.

My name is Nathan and I live in one of those backwater, inbred, hillbilly toilets called Boulder Creek, in northern California. I am 31, a hermit (because I can't stand humanity in general), and a disabled manic-depressive. I've lost count of how many times I've been in the looneybin, usually chased there by pink elephants. I'm extremely jaded and cynical about every aspect of life and I believe in absolutely nothing. But don't worry, when I'm an old man it will be adorable and people will call me a "curmudgeon."

Before I went crazy, I worked as a shepherd. And before that, I was an exorcist. And before that I ran a school teaching people how to use their penises to send laser beams to a family of little rainbow-colored turtles on the planet Alpha Centauri VI. I smoke lots of pot - nutritionally, since my DNA is held together by THC molecules. I've quit all the others drugs, every one of which I've abused at some point. Nowadays, my nastiest habit is cigarettes.

I used to want to be a creative writer, before I realized that nothing is worth anything and that seems to have broken my writing bone.

One of my favorite activities is to go out in public, look at a big crowd of people, and wonder how many of them will eventually require autopsies. Also, I like to go to people's houses and slightly tilt all the pictures hanging on the walls - not enough to notice right away, just enough to notice something isn't right. I also like to go to car dealerships, and burst into sobbing tears right in the middle of the showroom floor, in front of other customers, to hurt the business.

My favorite song is that live, 15-minute "Deal" jam, by the Grateful Dead. My favorite number is Pi, 3.141592684, because it represents the numerical perfection of a circle. I also love it whenever a big hole suddenly opens up in the ground and starts sucking people in, because it relieves boredom.

 

lol thats hillarious.

 

lol nice post..very enjoyable