My fellow females...please give me advice...

"I have learned, as the mother of THREE teens that fewer than half "his dad kicked him out because his dad is a big fat asshole" sob storeis are actually ONLY the parent's fault. In most of these cases, the kid himself is just as culpable"

Perhaps but would YOU kick your kids out? I mean I'm sorry I have no sympathy whatsoever for parents who kick their kids out. Even when they're 18 they're your child for god's sake. I didn't even want my baby when I got pregnant and yet it seems as though I'm the only one who understands that it's not about my convenience (not you maggie but a lot of people have such sympathy for parents who give up on their kids) If they're messing up their life kicking them out isn't going to fix it...it can only make it worse. Nobody told you that your kids were going to be angels.

Plus this guys dad is an alcoholic...usually when the parent is a alcoholic it IS all their fault, and if the kid is fucked up in the head well where do you think he gets that from?

I still would suggest finishing school before you do anything at all..if he has somewhere to go now even better. But finish school...it's already hard as hell to get a living wage job without a college degree, if you have no diploma you're screwed...

 

not true. I have no diploma right now and I am doing great. I have a job with tons of responsiblity. I run a whole business practically by myself. I've been doing it for about a year and a 1/2 now.

I urge her to finish school, but it is unfair to say without a diploma, you can't do anything with your life.

 

Education and diplomas are paramount if someone wants a real job.

 

"I urge her to finish school, but it is unfair to say without a diploma, you can't do anything with your life."

Ok, well I have a diploma and don't even make a living wage..8 dollars an hour..It's much much easier to get a job with an education..how did you get yours? Plus it's just real rare to get a great job with no diploma or at least GED

 

I love you too much to give you away.

 

Starfaerie, i got my job by working my way up. I started at 6.50, hoping to get by until I could get my GED and start college. I was cleaning and filing papers at first. Then I asked if they wanted to me do some of the things I noticed the other girl who used to work here was having a hard time keeping up with, such as A/R (collecting money) and ordering materials. I learned how to do taxes and payroll for a small business. I learned how to calm down a raging corporate executive from New york City. I learned how to sell our product and advertise. I learned how to run this place, basically. I'm in sales, human resources, payroll, accounting, the maid, I sort the mail and send it out, I go to places to pick up and drop off material, AND I even volunteered to work in the factory to help. I also know how to weld, run a press brake, a shear for cutting large sheets of stainless steel, and manage employees more than twice my age.

I may not have a full education, but what you all dont' know is that when I dropped out I had a 4.0 average, and I chose to travel. I learned more on the road about life then I would have if I continued the "normal" path.

So I have business knowledge, hard labor knowledge, and knowledge about how to keep myself happy and enlightened.

 

oh, yeah and since last Oct. I am the only one running the show now. THey got rid of the other girl (who had 2 years of college training) to promote me. It's a great feeling of satisfaction when you know YOU are the one keeping a business alive.

 

I want you all to know that I don't advocate dropping out of school at all. I am highly against it and god forbid I have a child who will want to, but my point was, you aren't screwed for life if you have no diploma. I also DO plan on furthering my education when the time is right. I have a great job right now, so in my eyes, it's pointless to give it up to learn what I already know how to do. when I move I want to get a 2 year degree.

 

I think its funny how you were so quick to question what I do and how I got my job, yet when I say all that I've accomplished, no one has the decency to give the respect I deserve for making the best out of everything I have, and all the decisions I made.

 

I was going to but my computer was acting screwy...I think it is amazing and I wish that everyone could enjoy the success you have had...I have so much respect for you for all of those things and I really do appreciate what you said (and for kind of standing up for me...)


thank you

 

ah, it's really not that big of a deal. I just get all worked up when people say you can't do anything in your life without a million years of education. Education is important no doubt, but there are other things in life that are more important. Like hard work and modesty. You can all have the education in the world, but if you don't know how to work hard, you'll still never get anywhere.

 

The smartest people I know work lightly...have minimal education and go everywhere...that is why they are smart!!!

 

NO, I wouldn't. A lot of families are dysfuntional. I have seen a lot of kids who really screwed up, were given chance after chance and still made no changes. Some parents run out of options. But, no, I would never do it. IMO, getting therapy, or even commiting a child to a hospital is a better choice than kicking them out.

 

Green daisy, I am REALLY glad that your DXM trip was a one time thing. I know kids do dumb things (I have four of them, three of them teens) and I totally support your attempts to get yourself together.

BUT, don't let this boy bring you down. NEVER quit school for a boy. NEVER! If you two can stay together while you continue to get your education, and he doesn't interfer with it, that is fine, but don't quit. You NEED that education MORE than he does, with your being a womyn.

Blessings, Please continue to heal and grow!

Maggie

 

Moe, I have a child this age. "IT felt good...?" She is telling us she wants to be an ADULT. This is the time to show it. She owes me no apology. But when someone is talking about moving out at this age, and then describes such irresponsible behavior, what was I supposed to say? Triple Cs are bad news. She lived. That doesn't make it safe. (I almost would have had a much less intense reaction if she had said they had dropped acid, but the thing was they should have been planning their next move, not messing up their heads.) I was talking to her like I would one of my own teenage girls. It wasn't a "lecture." I wouldn't have said it if I hadn't been concerned.

Recreational drugs are one thing, but when you have WORK to do, it isn't the time to fuck up on them. Do you see where I am coming from? They had decisions to make. It looks like she may be on the right track. I just don't want to see a child lose her way. Triple Cs are a good way to lose your way, especially when you are in need of being clear headed so you can make a plan for your life.

Besides she already said it was a one time thing. She seems to be able to get her shit together. I hope..........

Moe, is it a possibilty that you are identifying TOO closely with Green and have a vested interest in her NOT doing it differently than you did? Does her leaving school, leaving home, being homeless ect make your choice when you were that age less problematic? Maybe something to think about. Let's think about what is best for this child, not justify our own choices at that age.

I'm a mother, a mother of teens. If I see a teenage girl falling into a HOLE, I am NOT going go shut up about it. STRESSING HER? I think living in a damn car, and not having a High School diploma will be a hell of a lot more stressful than anything I could say to her. Don't you?

Moe, I am GLAD that you are doing well without a High School diploma, but you are the exception, NOT the rule. Most of the people I know, at my age, who don't have to struggle and haven't declared bankruptcy 3 times have High School, College and Grad School education. SOME people do OK without it, but you are only 19. It will get rougher. I have to say that education is a neccesity. My kids HAVE to go to college, no arguments.

Food for thought.

 

well, if you would read what I said to her in the psychedelic forum about DXM and my warnings about it you would know that I was telling her the harm in what she was doing.

If you had bothered to read the three posts carefully and noticed that I ALWAYS said education is important and she should stay in school, you would know that my response about what I do was only to counter the fact that 2 other people said without a diploma, you are worth nothing and get do anything. I ALSO said I DO plan on furthering my education, but please tell me, why give up the job I have now?

I'm telling her what I did and how I handled things. I also told her how hard the path is and how much it can suck. It's 10 times harder, but it was the path I know I was supposed to take. I don't know what she is supposed to do, but I don't want her, or anyone for that matter, thinking that you HAVE to follow all the fucking rules of society or you don't get anywhere. Sure it makes it easier, it's the smart path, but it isn't the only one and that's all I'm trying to say.

If you had bothered to get that instead of picking through my posts for something to compain about you would get it. I have said over and over that it is not smart to drop out of school and be homeless or live in a car. Ever. So stop making me out to be this person who is advocating the lifestyle I chose. I'm not. But I do feel obligated to say something to those of you who think you have to have 20 years of education before you are worth anything.

 

Moe, I am not picking on you, nor am I trying to give you a hard time. She is a child. I am concerned about her future, and about her present. My post was NOT meant to offend you at all. I am GLAD you are doing well. But, with the struggles you have had, I would think you would want her to pick a different road.

That is all I meant. I DID read your entire posts. I always do.

You know I never said that! I am concerned about the STRUGGLE people who don't get an education have to go through. It has nothing to do with "worth!" Why would you, of all people, assume I would say that? You know I didn't.

 

I'm sorry I'm just super touchy because someone said something about if you want a REAL job, you need a diploma, and then I was questioned about how I got my job in the first place, like I didn't earn it with hard work. That puts me on the big defensive in the first place, and I felt that you picked apart my post and made it sound like I was urging her to take the same path as me. I know you are just concerned for her, but you have to realize that she is 19, as am I, and though we are not mature wise adults, we aren't children. THis stage really sucks. Do you remember it? Do you remember trying to figure out what you want in life and how to get there?

I see a lot of my friends and i just think to myself " this person has no clue how to pay bills. this person can't cook anything that goes beyond nuking fast food in the microwave. This person doesn't know how to work hard. This person thinks college is all about partying. And THIS was the path that is so much forced me?" I feel like an old woman compared to all my friends. I don't feel 19. yet because of the years I've lived in the planet, my words are rarely taken seriously. I have a lot of issues with society in general.

I didn't mean to take my frustrations out on you, but I felt as if you were saying that I was egging her on to go out and do something crazy. I'm not. But I did feel as if I had to defend myself when someone says education is everything. It's important, but I hate it when people think I am dumb or a bum b/c I didn't graduate. I'm actually really smart. And the fact that I AM smart drives me to really speak up when my intelligence is quesitoned.

I hope you can understand and forgive me for being short, and defensive. I can admit when I overreact. But I hope you can see what it's like from my point of view.

 

Moe, honey. I care about you a LOT! I do NOT think you are dumb at all! Education has nothing to do with that. Please forgive me for my comments, if they hurt you. It was not my intent.

I think it is hard when someone has a different path or history in life than you do. I was a college girl and I have two MS degrees. I certainly wasn't a party animal, and I cook most of our food from scratch. LOL! I think it is good when people from different paths communicate, so it erases sterotypes, you know?

I know you have had a hard time, Moe, and you certainly have done an EXCELLENT job! You are to be commended!

I just didn't want this girl to get lost in the shuffle. Or 10 years from now be unable to be employed if she lost her job, or end up in bankruptcy court. (Which is stuff I see a lot in the people I grew up with who didn't get a formal education.) I DO understand that this idea, too, is a stereotype, too.

Let's communicate so we can understand each other.

Love and hugs,

Maggie

 

"NO, I wouldn't. A lot of families are dysfuntional. I have seen a lot of kids who really screwed up, were given chance after chance and still made no changes. Some parents run out of options. But, no, I would never do it. IMO, getting therapy, or even commiting a child to a hospital is a better choice than kicking them out."

Well, I knew YOU wouldn't...I was just making a point....I understand some kids are impossible. But I mean I don't know, what do these parents think is going to happen? Do they think their child is all of a sudden going to grow up and be ok? More than likely they'll end up sleeping under in a doorway or in a shelter or something.maybe they'll even find people with drugs he/she hasn't tried yet..All I'm saying is to kick your kids out you have to be naive or hate your child. It should be common sense that nothing good is going to come from your kid living on the streets