My fellow females...please give me advice...

Well first I would like to say thank you to you gusy who answered my pregnancy test thread...but to the matter at hand

I am freaking out...My boyfriend/fiance got kicked out of his home today...the situation is really screwed up..His father is an alcoholic and had been allowing him and a frined to stay in the house in exchange for working 6 days a week doing construction and taking care of the farm (while not paying either one of them). He is 18 his friend is 21. Well this morning he called me to say he got kicked out...no real reason was given to him it just happened. Well I feel awful...I dont know what to do becuase I desperatly love him and want to help him. I have looked into communal living in our area for a little while because he wanted to leave when the time was right but I am worried that if we just leave......what would happen to us. None of us have graduated high school yet, myself and him are almost done , we have one quarter left of our senior year,(well he would have to go to summer school). This whole thing is just surreal, I dont know where to go from here because He has nowhere to go and my parents will not budge on letting him stay here in our home, even for one night. We are just all so young and what complicates this even worse is that he doesnt have a car due to a wreck a few months back and I have a car but no liscence. I just feel like I have to help him but dont know how, I have to do somehting but am so confused and lost...I mean we are so young and naive and I know that but he is literally sitting at a friends home right now with no idea where he will even sleep tonight. As far as my parents go the only advice they can offer is for him to talk to his father, because his mother is not an option, but his father kicked him out on a whim...he is a drunken asshole...I just...Im sorry for this, I needed to get this out...I mena if anyone has any advice I appreciate it but I just couldnt sit here and cry like this anymore and I dont have any friends to really talk about it with...it isnt so much my problem as his and Im not even sure if this is the right place to put this but I just need to get it all out and try to figure somethign out...thanks you guys for listening...

 

Aww, I'm so sorry sweetheart. I really don't know what to tell you, I know you're so overwhelmed and not sure what to do, but I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.

Big hugs to you...

 

Thank you so very much..it is really apreciated...thank you

 

I'm really sorry and I don't know what to say either, except that I am genuinely sorry for both you and boyfriend and I sincerely hope everything will work itself out...You'll be in my thoughts...Let us know how things go, ok?

 

What about a local YMCA, or a shelter even if it's for a night or two. They aren't the greatest places, but they might be able to help. He also needs to start looking for a job as soon as possible.... but not having a place with a phone might be a problem (unless he has a cell). Maybe the YMCA or somethign can help him find a job.

 

I feel for ya, but there isn't much you can do. It's not your fault. Please don't think about dropping out of school when you're so close to finishing.


Too bad for him he doesn't live near my mom. WHenever one of my teenage brother's friends has a problem like this they can sleep at her house if they'll do the dishes.

Does he have other friends he can stay with? I know this is really intense now, but you should try to finish school. And don't feel bad. I know that you want to help, but it's not your fault that your parents don't want him to stay at your house.

 

Can the school counselors do anything? Normally they're worth shit.. but they might have some resources on where he could go.

 

That's kinda weird. This sort of situation happened to me and my boyfriend a few years ago. not the same circumstances by any means, but same sort of problem. What I suggest is telling him to go to the local YMCA, or a church, where they can point him in the direction of a shelter and food bank.

You know what I did? The night my boyfriend got kicked out, him, a friend of his, and me all stole a bunch of alcohol from the Yacht Club where he worked and knew how to do it. We got drunk and Erik went back to his buddy's house while I went home. I got caught by my mom being drunk (I was 16 at this time) and she made it whole big production about it. I had to work at my old job (Wendy's) really early in the morning the next day. I got up, and I don't know what came over me, maybe it was still hte alcohol, but I packed up everything I could fit in my car, and I left home. Erik was already there. Apparently, his friend was too trashed to tell him mom Erik was going to sleep in his car and at 4 when she got up for work, and chased Erik out, thinking he was a bum. We never went home and made it on our own. It's been a long hard, weird road and I don't suggest this path to anyone who can't live in a car, poor as hell, and still be happy. Back then we were. We still went to school and would have graduated if an incredible travelling opportunity hadn't come our way. We lived on our own for months and still went to school everyday until that happened. I don't regret any of the chioces we have made, because everthing worked out great. We have an apartment and car and jobs and stuff. It's really hard though. I don't know what to tell you. You are all 18 or older. You COULD get an apartment together as long as you guys get part time jobs at a fast food joint or wherever possible. I suffered at Wendy's for a long time before another job opportunity came my way.

Do what you know is right in your heart. You always know.

 

Well we sort of took the same rout as you..only ours wasnt as productive...Last night we sat in my room, listened to Alice in chains smoked two joints and took a box of Coricidins each...we rolled around my carpet like puppies...I told my friends that I had "dig a pony" and a radio commerical in my head and then we slept.

I am even now still feeling horrible and I dont know if anythign is better with his dad becuase he snuck in and slept in the camper at his house....

rrgh, I cant belive I thought something that would make me talk about a cat stirring cake batter would fix my problems...

 

Do you have any other guy friends? Maybe you can get one of them to let him stay for awhile. (Parents are a little better with same sex partners for some reason.)

 

I packed everything in my car and left to be with my husband too. At the time we were living 1500 miles apart. One time when he was visiting for a week we were just like, "fuck it, lets move in together." My parents were horrified.




Of course I was 19, and moving to a great city with lots of opportunity. But it was still hard, nonetheless. There were times when it didn't seem we were going to make it together. But now we have just begun to settle into a comfortable place in our relationship where we are not only able to take great care of eachother, but able to invest and plan for the future as well. I have to say that I am proud for how well my husband and I have done, considering how little we started out with. And my parents (the ones who were horrified) have already told me how proud they are of how well we've done too.

So I definitely don't suggest it since you are just months from ending school. But after that, its up to you. It's a hard road, a very hard one, but is it one worth taking? That's somehting you gotta decide by yourself.

 

yes, it was hard at 16. We ended up getting an apartment though. Every step we have taken has been worth it. We both have good jobs (Erik got the new one we had been hoping for today!) and have proven to everyone how important we are to each other and how strong we can be.

 

i dont know if this is an option, but ask your mom/dad/guardians for advice.. maybe they would let him stay with you for a while?? i dont really know what to tell you except... seriously stay in school... you are so close to finishing...

good luck mama!

 

Well so far his dad talked to some of his friends and sasid he wanted him home...he got dropped off there earlier today so I am just hoping for the best...

 

I'm hoping for the best as well. School will be out soon!! Maybe you should start making plans to live together in a responsible setting. you said he father is an alcoholic. It can't be good for him to stay there a lot. Try and set up some plans now so that when you graduate you can have an idea of what you want to do after school and maybe that will be his chance to get away for good. I'm sure his dad loves him, but don't forget that he's in a bad setting and the sooner he leaves, the better.

 

I was reading this thread thinking, "Those poor kids." And then I read this and thougth, "Those DUMB kids." Really, you need to be more responsible than doing shit like this if you want to live on your own. I have a dd your age. I sure would help a boy out, if I felt he was going to amount to something. But I wouldn't (and in once instance, similar to this one, did NOT, because of this kind of stupid behavior) But this stuff you described here is, well, kid stuff. Let him stay at the Y while you grow and mature a while, and JESUS, lay off the Triple Cs.

Neither of you are going to make it on your own, if you blow your time and money on this shit. If you had sat there and thought up a plan as to "Shit, what are we going to do?" Then I would still be with you. But that last post put me into hyper mama mode. Grow up, and let him get by on his own while you do so. I have learned, as the mother of THREE teens that fewer than half "his dad kicked him out because his dad is a big fat asshole" sob storeis are actually ONLY the parent's fault. In most of these cases, the kid himself is just as culpable, and there is no reason to RUIN your life by leaving your home and your school to do what? Roll around on the floor fucked up on Triple Cs. Please, honey, get your shit together and let this boy sort out his own problems.

My dd had a boyfreind like this. She freely admits that LETTING HIM GO was the best move of her life (since then he has quit three good appreticships, and gotten kicked out of the Army. Please don't tell me his parents, AND three of his bosses AND the entire Army are a "bunch of assholes." This boy still hasn't grown up, often doesn't have a place to stay, and my dd is in nursing school and making something good out of her life. THANK GOD she got rid of him.)

Sermon from Mama Maggie over.

 

I dunno. I probably would have kicked the kid to the curb as well. After reading about the situation, I was left with the impression that the kid is a lazy leeching little asshole. My first impressions have been inaccurate in the past though.

 

I would agree with your point except for a few things...

well first your right...it was stupid...instead of coming up with a plan we freaked out like children and didn’t handle ourselves...to be fair however both of us have been 100% sober since that day...usually we both smoke weed or drink a little...something like that but after that night we sat down together and talked about it and felt like complete jackasses...we didn’t know what to do so we tried to escape the problem for the time being by doing something so we wouldn’t think about it...The thing about Skye (that’s his name by the way) is that he is such a hard worker and tries so hard to be a good person...he looks out for everyone around him (an example is that at christmas time a friend of his got kicked out and Skye talked his dad into letting him stay in their cabin out back in exchange for working for his dad)..They both got kicked out...The problem is that we are kids...I realize that...I am 19, he is 18...and while his life has been much harder then mine (manic depressive/alcoholic mother, alcoholic abusive father) neither of us has ever had to make it 100% on our own before. Even since he got kicked out he stayed with me during the day since we were on spring break and with another friend when he couldn’t do that then snuck back in to his dad’s property to sleep in the camper. As far as me. I am the last person to help with this. My parents sheltered me for so long. They made a point to keep me removed form things like this. However my parents also have unusual views on childrearing...for example my father has made it very clear that it is no problem for me to do drugs or drink as long as it is not in our own home...I don’t know...There is not a single thing in this situation that would make me consider leaving him, he did not want to stay at our house because he knew he would not be able to earn his keep right away...we do really love each other...He is a good person and a good boyfriend...

I appreciate the concern form everyone but the pill thing was a one time thing and it will not happen again...it was irresponsible and dumb...

and as far as spending all our money on it neither one of us has spent a dime in over a week...a friend gave him the pills (and actually friends have provided the pot and alcohol lately) I know that doesn’t help the free-loader assumption but the only reason is because we have friends who will come over and know it is a safe place to smoke/drink so they share...it isn’t like we ever ask people to buy it for us....


i dunno

 

Ok, I have to apologize for that last post..it was rather bitchy...I was really worried about him...I talked to him and it looks like he is going to move to Boone (where he grew up) and finish school there...I will probobly move up there after I graduate

 

well, first I have to say I really hope things work out relationship-wise.

Second, I don't think you, or anyone else should lecture you on getting fucked up. You already know all the consequenses of CCC. And you're 18, for crying out loud!! Everyone does stupid, irresponsible things when they are young. It doesn't sound like you guys are doing this every weekend. You had a big getting fucked up day. So what? You still showed up at school. You're still alive. You didn't do anything stupid on the pills. You shouldn't have to apologize for partying. You can mix work and play quite nicely. You can responsibly be irresponsible

I just wanted to tell you that. I don't think it was fair for Maggie to get on you for getting all fucked up in a stressful time. When you were high, it felt good, didn't it?

All you have to do is be careful. you sound like you have a really good head on your shoulders. you should (everyone should) be allowed to be a little stupid and crazy sometimes.

So good luck. I hope your relationship stays strong. Keep his spirits up. It must be hard to have a father like that. Graduation is almost here. Keep your chin up, too, girl.