When did your "desires" begin to shift more towards males?

I've heard that man's sexuality indeed defines who he is.

IMHO, if a man loathes the fact that he is bi (or gay) this, I feel, translates into loathing HIMSELF, which, I feel, is totally, frickin' sad.

NEVER feel less than a man, just because your "tastes" are not what some would agree with.

BE PROUD of YOURSELF, AND the fact that you will NOT allow ANYONE to dictate to you on how to live YOUR life.................

 

It can be said that there are no "set rules" for any bisexual man; whatever your "desires" are dictating at the moment, DO NOT BE AFRAID to "answer the call"!

Hey, as I've said, it is YOUR life, and, hell, you DO NOT have to answer to ANYONE, regarding what turns you on and what does not.

Enjoy your "desires" to the FULLEST, whatever they may be!

 

I couldn't agree more. The compulsion to act on my desires when they finally exploded out into my consciousness at 30 (in hindsight seeing how much I repressed them from 14 onwards) was completely overwhelming, exasperated by my ferociously consuming gay porn before each time being driven out to find a real guy. Nary a thought of this being "right" came into my mind while feeding my gay lust and running out to fulfil it--the first time, or anytime thereafter. Each time the problem came coming to terms while doing the act and afterwards, with my unconscious mind, brainwashed by society's homophobia, preventing my full enjoyment being naked with other men and sucking their cocks.

My continuous failure for over 20 years of not fully accepting my bisexuality and continually lying to myself that there is something wrong with me for desiring other men sexually was quite a personal tragedy I feel. But the gay desires and uncontrollable lust continued. It was like--no not like, was--an internal battle of conscience to accepting who and what I really was. There's nothing, and I mean nothing, wrong about having homosexual desires and acting on them, and enjoying, really enjoying, sex with other men. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sucking another man's cock and drinking his cum, or tongue fucking another guy's asshole, or inserting your cock into another man's bum and making love to him, or having another man insert his cock into your ass and fucking you, or even passionately making out with another man. It is 100% natural and to be truly enjoyed. In fact, it is something to rejoice in.

When I finally came to terms with it all, the relief was inexplicable and profound. I not only accepted the gay side of myself, but I loved it, and I was proud of it. I finally had a taste of what gay pride might mean. Sex between any two people, outside of rape and pedophilia, or circumstances where it harms others, is a beautiful thing, period. And my personal joy even got better when I developed my first romantic crush on another guy at 60. It was actually possible for me to fall in love with another man? Damn, yes! And I love that about myself even more. I can now freely live my truth, in all aspects, loving everything about another man, and doing everything with another man, like it's been with women all my life. Who doesn't want that, if it's true for you? Whatever your own personal truth is, just live it! Be it!

 

....so many men.....so many stories.....so many exciting discoveries and challenging tribulations.....so many journeys, and not a one that's a "carbon copy" of another.........

 

The loathing comes from the social conditioning we all get that says if you have feelings for another male - sexual or romantic - you're an evil sinner who's going to die and go to hell (unless you repent, cease and desist in this stuff, and accept Jesus Christ as your personal Savior). You add in the ongoing social and moral angst toward homosexuality and over a relatively short period of time in your life, the self-loathing is installed and designed to prevent you from, basically, learning a truth about sex. Guys call it "internalized homo- or biphobia" and I've been calling bullshit on this since these terms came into existence because, again, the self-loathing gets installed and right along with what morality says is good and bad.

Wanting to suck your best friend's cock is bad; conning your neighbor's daughter into sucking your cock is okay. You aren't going to feel bad about cumming in her mouth but you're likely to, at some point, feel pretty shitty about sucking your boy's cock, let alone him cumming in your mouth. Fucking your best friend, who is a confessed bottom, in the ass is bad; fucking your neighbor's daughter in any of her holes is biblically bad but, hey, guys are supposed to fuck girls, right?

Yeah but that's only half the truth and as evidenced by the millions of homo- and bisexual men in the world today. It's like I said, oh, maybe a month after I got introduced, that it didn't make sense to hate homosexuals because if it was all that evil, why are there so many homosexuals... and it's not possible for all of them to be wrong. Yeah, I was a smart little motherfucker to be able to figure that one out. I sucked a man's dick and tasted his cum; got his cum all in my butt crack and it felt weird but good. Immediately went out and sucked my friends' dick and we had a field day sucking and "fucking" each other and that got better once we all learned how to stick it in.

And doing it to girls, too. How can something everyone says is so bad feel so good? Because it's supposed to feel good because we have decreed that having sex not only feels good but it healthy and normal. Now, you would think that the self-loathing that's part of our social conditioning would get broken in short order, like, okay, fairly normal for a guy to feel bad about that first sex with a guy and he's thinking internalized something or the other but, a couple of days later, he's not only thinking about what he did that first time but he's also thinking about doing it again. Internalized phobia my left nut but, then again, whoever coined these phrases are part of the "plot" to keep men and women heterosexual - and more men than women.

He loathes himself because he was taught to do that. The social conditioning contains the morality we're all forced to live by and then you add in familial conditioning that (a) serves to reinforce the social conditioning and (b) instilling a prejudice against anyone who isn't straight and right along with dire consequences if "little Billy" disobeys these things and experiments with sex with his male friends.

It's more proof that strong emotions can totally override logic; you have this self-loathing because you know that the idea of sex with a man feels exciting but you're not supposed to feel it but logic says, "You know that guys have sex with guys and it can't be all that wrong - and your feeling aren't lying to you..." and the message that gets the most attention is the emotion-laden self-loathing. Oh, my friends, the psychology is so fucking fascinating! If you feel the self-loathing, you've been mindfucked and don't feel bad because we all got mindfucked... until we got unfucked. Yes... the truth will set you free and in this, the truth will set you free to get all the cock you can manage to get.

My social conditioning got broken almost immediately; a lot of guys can take days, weeks, months, even years before they can break the conditioning and some guys never do - and those are the guys I feel sorry for because they have this never-ending urge to have sex with a man but cannot get past the conditioning to do anything about it - and calling it internalized biphobia.

By the way, if you think that a man's sexuality defines him, that's actually the wrong way of things. My bisexuality doesn't define me - I define how and why I'm bisexual and I am in control of myself - and my sexuality doesn't control me. Think about that one.

 

papa/KD23:

I thank you both for sharing so much of your personal life experiences here with us.

You share so much in the refreshing realm of common sense, honesty, open opinions, and a great deal more.

And ALWAYS leave us with something POSITIVE to contemplate, mull over, and learn from......thank you again,my friends!

 

What's funny about a gay man coming out is that when he does, everyone automatically assumes that he's the "girl" in the sex he's been having so he's been sucking a lot of cock and taking it in the ass and I've felt that this is stupid because even if this is true about the guy - and it may not be - um, who owns the cocks he's allegedly been sucking and taking in his ass? People don't think that it could be a straight guy doing the topping.

Bisexual guy comes out and... he's some kind of greedy freak that can't pick a side to stay on. He, too, is sucking lots of cocks and taking them in the ass and even I figured out quickly that shit like this comes from people who aren't homo- or bisexual: This is heterosexual bullshit that seeks to incorrectly define the whole and not look at individual behaviors.

Bi or homosexual means you start out hiding this from everyone. Why? Because one of the things you learn is that faggots - and this is what gay and those crazy motherfuckers who go both ways - really are and you should hate them (or worse). So, it's best to hide your sexuality unless you want to spend your life fighting for your right to be what you are.

Oh, and I've been the only Black person in room full of white people who think they got jokes... and they found out that I wasn't laughing. Is it true that all Black guys have big cocks? Um, hmm, lemme take your wife in the other room and she can come back and tell you what I have in my pants, okay? No? Yeah, I didn't think so...

If you're not 100% heterosexual, we are socially and morally taught to demonize anyone who isn't. Now it's all about how you deal with knowing that, okay, I'm bisexual and, shit, there are gay dudes who can't stand me, let alone straight men and women. I was either 15 or 16 when I decided that I didn't give a fuck what anyone else thought or had to say about my sexuality since I knew that they didn't know what the fuck they were talking about and, yeah - I had the "muscle" to back my shit up. Do I have sex with both men and women? Why yes, yes, I do - what about it? Be careful with the next words out of your mouth; your words won't offend me, but your gross ignorance will so, yeah, be careful because the shit is about to get very real.

It's not that I'm bisexual - it's about (a) how I carry myself as a man and a person and (b) who I'm having sex with is none of your business... unless you want to make me an offer?

 

papa:

Do NOT shortchange yourself; you think that you would have been able to negotiate all the hardballs and curveballs life threw at you throughout your lifeyime if you didn't have COURAGE?

Think about it, my friend!

 

KD23:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA+++++++++++++++++ (as usual!)

 

I echo what GG5 7 says! You had the courage and conviction to come out to your whole family, stand firm in the face of the resulting shit storm, came out the other side to become the man you need to be and happy in your relationship with a man. You've done w hat a lot of men say they need to do but they've not done yet. And you never stopped getting the cock that you knew you needed.

 

Right on,my friend!

 

KD23:

In your many adult years of "playing the field" with many married men, would you say that you encountered more men whose wives were OK of having M2M relations, or, were most of the men you were with doing it "on the side", as their wives would be anything BUT tolerant if they knew of hubby's "other side"?

 

Most were doing it on the side with maybe five or six whose wives knew, supported and encouraged them and, importantly, did not try to take control over something that has nothing to do with them unless, in a couple of situations, the wife wanted to jump in and I wasn't going to tell her no.

The majority of married men worry about their wife finding out more than anything else. On the one side of things, they want to tell her and to share this with her but on the other side, there's that fear of telling her and she turns into the next Queen Bitch of the Universe, starts making demands, talking divorce, taking the children, so on and so forth. And the bad part is that this can happen just telling her what he's been thinking and feeling so you might be able to imagine how this can go sideways if he got caught (in some way) having sex with a guy.

Some wives were like, "I don't want to know anything about it!" and guys think it's a "free pass" but it really isn't because she might not want to hear about what you and Brad did in the garage yesterday but she knows you're out there having sex with men and that can come back to bite you in the balls. Some wives wanted to be in full control of what hubby was doing, from selecting the men to meeting them and giving them the third degree while restricting hubby to just being a cocksucker and making any anal sex forbidden and I've heard a wife or two say that anal sex is something that only happens between the two of them... but she's not of a mind to take it in the ass (and that's probably why hubby wants to fuck guys who wants it in the ass).

Most of the guys I knew about tried talking to her about it and... she either didn't want to hear that shit or she started crying and laying a very major guilt trip on him, citing that he (a) doesn't really love her (b) doesn't enjoy having sex with her (c) doesn't like the way she sucks his dick (and if she is). Collectively, when you get to understand that a lot of the horror stories you hear about this are true - and especially if you know a guy who got shredded and cleaned out because he had this need - it's no wonder why a lot of men won't tell her about it and why they try to be ultra-discrete in finding guys they can have sex with and, hopefully, without leaving any evidence that she can use to cut him too short to shit (and sometimes, literally cut him).

"How come you never said anything about this before?!" she screams at him.

"Because I knew you would act like this," he said.

 

KD23:

Another excellent response, and, indeed, one where it becomes glaringly clear that, in so many "bi married husbands and their wives" scenarios, it really is anyone's guess as to just how the wife will react to her spouse's having sex with other men.

As you've said, it can really go either way, and, if things take a violent negative turn, it, literally, can tear more than one life apart, and get pretty damn ugly, for sure..........

 

Married men have three major issues here: Marriage vows, forced monogamy, and what some women believe that marriage is supposed to be like. Legalities, long-standing morality, and belief in the Happily Ever After fairy tale that females are (a) told or (b) told to ignore and decide on how their marriage is going to work, her expectations, stuff like that.

I tell guys about this, but I also tell them to not focus on the negatives because it's almost been "proven" that if you think the worse, the worse will happen. Murphy's Law says that if it can go wrong, it will go wrong. Realistically, you shouldn't believe or assume that if you talk to the wife about this, the shit is going to hit the fan, but you also have to be aware of the fact that it could. I've told guys that if they play "Let's Make a Deal" with her, if he's not prepared to give her anything she wants and whenever she wants it, don't go there with her.

 

Again, well said my friend..........tell it like it is!

 

Though we've discussed this before, you do wonder about those bisexual men, who, before "tying the knot", reveal to thier intended that they are bisexual, and enjoy sex with other men.

I do wonder about just how many bi men have "taken the plunge", in this sense, before the wedding day.......

 

....can't help but think of the "don't ask, don't tell" policy, for obvious reasons, in regards to our ongoing discussion.............