When did your "desires" begin to shift more towards males?

KD23:

In later years, long after I had retired (after I became a little bit more "savvy"), I often wondered if any of the gay-bashing, high-roller homophobes were secretly hiding their secret desires, but were not man enough to "come to terms" with his true M2M feelings.

If I had a dollar for every ignorance-spouting bigot I encountered each workday, let me tell you here and now, I'd sure be sitting pretty $$$$$$$$ these days.

Ignorance, like hatred, sadly, knows no bounds........

 

Remember that image and reputation are everything. Appearances must be maintained lest our secrets be revealed. There is a reason why "I won't tell if you won't" is, for me, the forerunning of being discrete and why discretion is always a must... lest our secrets be revealed.

 

I think you just made a VERY profound statement, my friend; agreed 100%.

After all, MUST keep up that "respectable facade" for the world to see, lest anyone become wise to your "dark", hidden desires, regarding other men..............

 

It is society's fault that bi- and homosexual have to, all too often, operate from the shadows but we've been doing it like this all along, waiting for the world to change and accept that bi- and homosexuality is just as much of a part of what it means to be human as the enforced heterosexuality is said to be.

When you feel those desires starting to shift, be mindful of the social standards but do not let them inhibit you and as they have so many others. If it's something that you really want to do, you'll find a way to do it. Now, go ye forth and be sexual.

 

KD23:

Once again, your words indeed hits home, and again, focus on simple common sense.

Anyone thinks that the world will eventually do a 360, and eliminate ALL forms of discrimination, hatred, and bigotry, they are indeed even more idealistic than I am.

As you said about waiting for the world to change; just ain't gonna happen, my friend.....just gotta "roll with the punches",and "travel your road" as best you can..........

 

The world will change. Eventually. Just not any time soon. Your choices are to continue to wait or find a way to get out there and experience another man's lust. Become a consummate cocksucker; be able to take the longest and fattest cocks in your ass and as easily as you can put a finger in there. Don't be squeamish about burying your bone in a guy's butt (and be safe doing that).

Or live with the regret of not doing any of that because you waited.

 

.....it would a;so seem (again,using simple common sense) that IF a bimarried guy is about to "come out" to the wife, to do so in the right "climate".

Now, by that I mean, if the wife is in a good mood, and, also, IF you think she can handle the news in a calm, mature manner, and not go totally off the rails, and have a major meltdown.

Said man cannot simply insert his true sexuality in the middle of a "normal" conversation:

".....yeah, it's been really busy at work, and I gotta get the car looked at this week, and, oh, by the way, I'm bisexual, and I've been having sex with my best friend Bob, and a few of my biddies at work, since before I knew you............."

Here again, the overall "climate" for revealing his true sexuality to the unsuspecting wife is CRUCIAL, for obvious reasons.............so much hangs in the balance............

 

"Discretion" is more than just a word.......it is a more formidable "weapon" than you think.....make it work to YOUR advantage............

 

"Weapon" isn't the word I'd choose in this instance. Discretion, for many a bi guy, is a must. Marital status does not really make a difference when it comes to being discreet. Certainly, a lack of discretion is a great disadvantage for all who are involved or as my lady loves to say, "Snitches get stitches!" Discretion... just is. I grew up with "I won't tell if you won't!" and telling could not only get someone in trouble, but it also betrays a trust and besmirches your honor; if your word is no good, you're pretty much fucked and never in a good way.

When you're going at it in a casual way, eh, discretion isn't usually that mandatory (but should be observed on general principles) because it's highly unlikely that you know anyone that your partner knows and even if you did know someone that he knows, why would you tell them what the two of you did? When you have that FWB and the two of you knows who the other knows, discretion is definitely a must; I suck you off, I'm not going to tell one of your friends that I blew you and had you begging for mercy and calling for your mother. I won't even tell your wife or girlfriend if she asks; if she wants to know what you've been up to, she should talk to you because I'll have no idea what she's talking about. But if some of your friends come looking for me to blow them, I'll know that you told them and you and I are going to have words... and some of them might not be nice.

I had enough of that when I was growing up even if it did allow me to have even more sex with more guys.

They like to say that you don't shit where you eat but when it comes to having sex, well, that rule is either strictly observed or thrown in the trash; have sex with people in your neighborhood or who is a co-worker can be construed as shitting where you eat and you shouldn't do it... but if you do, discretion, again, is a must. Friends don't fuck each other. Yeah, they do and if so, discretion is a must.

 

my desires shifted the other way.. I started out mm (me: 11 he: 14).. lotsa fun.. then emotions kicked in 8th-9th grade.. and it was no longer just lust.. but mm(+) lust lingered and became became MM(+) recreationally in late 1960s-mid1970s.. then I got married.. I still lust for both M & W, but marriage has been good for 1/2 century.. the "I do" means "I don't" play anymore.. but, I have an active imagination!

 

.....I've always been of the mind, that, regarding married bisexual men, so much depends on "honesty" and "trust".

As an example, say a bi married guy is having a drink with a guy that caught his attention at the bar.

He's never laid eyes on this guy before, and he tells him that he is either single or divorced.

When, in truth, he's married with a family.

How is the "unsuspecting mark" supposed to know that this married dude is just bullshitting his way to getting laid?

True, maybe the guy could care less that that the guy coming on to him is married or not.

What it all boils down to is the "trust" factor.

Does this guy have an STD that he is not disclosing?

Does this guy have multiple partners he is keeping "under wraps"?

Of course, some might argue that, it's only a "one night stand", and "trust"and "honesty" do nit enter the picture.

IMHO, ANY sexually active male, involved in sex with ANYONE outside of his marriage, should always keep common sense and discretion on his side....I think that this would prove most beneficial to him in the long run....................

 

A "lot of guys" are married with a family but could be likely to (a) pick up a guy at a bar, (b) wants to be picked up at a bar, (c) may or may not tell the other guy that he's married, which may or may not make one damned bit of difference given how many guys are looking for a married man to have sex with (and maybe more). If you know anything about men, you know that if they're trying to get laid, they will do and/or say whatever they have to in order to facilitate this goal, from little white lies to great big ones... but experienced guys just seem to know when someone is shoveling too much bullshit at them.

If you want to know if he has an STD, ask him. This is the part of the show where if he happened to test positive for chlamydia, there are no overt symptoms - and that's provided he got tested in the first place. It's almost unthinkable for a guy to know that he has an STD but he's still out there having sex since, in some states, failure to disclose such a thing could get you arrested on some serious charges, i.e., failing to disclose you have HIV I or II or even AIDS could get you an attempted murder charge. Not sure how many guys out there are willing to risk this kind of action so disclosure would be a must and more so when one can presume he's being treated for whatever ails him.

Common sense mandates that if you're not healthy enough to have sex, um, don't have sex and don't be out there trying to get some until a doctor says you're no longer infected with whatever. Now, if your hypothetical guy was really smart, he would have looked up all of the possible STDs/STIs and be aware of symptoms and work to be able to recognize said symptoms. Like, if a guy's eyes are yellowed, eh, I'm probably going to tell him no; if he "smells sick" - and you can smell this over any cologne he might take a bath in - I'm telling him no. Absent this - and provided I feel like he's being honest - we can go to the men's room so I can look at his cock and give him a couple of tugs to see if anything comes out of his slit that ain't crystal clear. I'm also looking for cuts, scrapes, abrasions, sores, scabs and where any have been removed. Sure, I could do this once we got to wherever we were going to do our dirt, but this kind of "exam" would only be done on the spot if I had reason not to believe him.

So, what if he has multiple partners? Not my concern and more so when we're just going to go to the closest motel, get our freak on, and go on about our business. Make no mistake: Trust and honesty are very much in the picture because, these days, the price for lying about your sexual safety could be extremely high. If I'm sitting in a bar and minding my own business and some guy comes over to hit on me, he's... innocent until proven otherwise. At the very least, I automatically assess him as being a physical threat or not... while planning on how to subdue the threat if it should appear.

Common sense says, "Trust, but verify..." and you ask questions and if he's trying not to answer or says anything you don't like, you send him on his way.

Would a guy be paranoid and suffer from stranger danger if a woman approached him and wanted to get laid? Would he care whether or not she was married? Would he even think to ask her if she's healthy enough to have sex? Would he even give a fuck if it's her habit, every Friday, to hit a bar, pick a guy, take him somewhere and fuck him silly? You gonna believe that she's on birth control if you were to tell her that you don't have any condoms on you?

I've had this discussion with my protege, and he had been slinging disease cards all over the place regarding men but then I asked him the same things about women that I asked above, and he was halfway through answering me when he realized what he was telling me. Not so trusting of the hot-looking guy with the nice print in his pants... but he'd bed the woman without giving it much thought. Even with women, you trust and verify and you trust your instincts and judgement and, as I love to say, when in doubt, do nothing.

 

....it would seem to me, that, if a bi married guy is away on a business trip, in a city where no one knows him, that this would be the ideal situation for satisfying his desire for M2M sex.

On the flip side, this could easily "get out of hand" if said male puts himself in a place where any sort of M2M sex can be quite risky, indeed (bathouses, etc)

But....if the guy's balls are blue enough......and he finds it impossible to restrain himself, well....

 

In any setting, the question is, "Is this worth the risk?" The answer may be simple because it's either worth the risk or it isn't. I've been on many a business trip and gotten dick from men on similar trips and especially when a business trip is their only chance to get the dick they want and need. Is the risk any less in a five-star hotel? The backseat of your car? In the men's room of the bar you wandered into? Is it understood that sex is inherently risky and regardless of what you do, how you do it, or who you do it with? I'm not sure how going to a bathhouse could get out of hand... unless you wound up getting more dick than you went looking for and for many guys, that's not necessarily a bad thing.

The risk is a part of the whole, so we go back to the first question asked: "Is this worth the risk?" Chances are that you endangered yourself driving to the bar, but who really thinks about this when they get behind the wheel? You could get electrocuted plugging in the new 80" TV you just bought... or it could fall off the wall mount and hit you just right to break your neck... but who thinks about the possibility of this happening? That bathhouse comment could very well get it into a guy's head that if he goes to one and has sex with a guy, he's gonna catch something nasty. Or he's heard about the hot sex that goes on in bathhouses but he's afraid to go inside because you implied that it could be risky.

You don't have to be blue-balls desperate to decide whether or not it's worth the risk to get that particular painful problem taken care of; it's either worth the risk or it isn't. It stands to reason that if you're not willing to take the risk, then you have no business doing anything about that pain in your crotch. You see, if you're asking yourself the question, you're thinking with the big head and not the one between your legs. If you say that it is, then you accept the consequences of your actions.

 

JD23:

Another of your excellent, thorough, common sense, mature responses.......thanks, as always, for sharing your views.

Now, it WOULD seem that extra caution would certainly have to be followed, if said business trip (or a vacation, for that matter) was taking place in another country.

What is the tolerance there for M2M sex?

Is there a risk of what could be a serious altercation with the law?

Health/disease issues?

IMHO, here is where common sense will come heavily into play, not to mention discretion...

 

If you know you're going to another country, it will pay to know about the laws (and consequences) where you're going. Seriously, why wouldn't you do that? I've never left this country for another one without making sure I understood the laws and culture where I was going. Discretion... in another country where, presumably, no one knows who the hell you are. But it would make sense since, in some countries, you get busted having sex with a man, it could be a death sentence. Could wind up being an international incident.

"Is it worth the risk?" If you'd ask yourself this question at home, you'd better ask when abroad...

 

KD23:

Excellent response, and I could not agree with you more.

Sadly, in so many areas of the world (I'm thinking of Africa, Russia and the Middle East, right off the bat, among others); SERIOUS consequences could befall a man (ANY man) if he were caught havingsex with another man.

Could it become an international incident?

It most certainly could, for certain.

Being put to death?

Life imprisonment?

Sounds like horrors out of midieval days, but, sadly, we are taking about the 21st century.

I could NOT agree with you more on your response; KNOW the "law of the land" BEFORE you travel there, and plan accordingly.

If simple common sense was ever to be adhered to, this would indeed be the time.........

 

I'm so fucking resentful these can still be consequences in this day and age, for something done behind closed doors, between consenting adults. Honestly part of my desire to have sex with guys is an act of political defiance. The things I want done to me are the things I want these uptight self righteous counterproductive hypocrites to do to themselves.
Sorry, I know this is leading off topic but I feel very strongly about this as I'm sure a lot of us do and I felt the need to say this.

 

Horrors that have been a part of religions since before medieval days. Why do you think a lot of bi- and homosexuals leave countries with those laws active and come to the US? They know that our government isn't going to arrest them for not being heterosexual; they're not going to sentence them to death, life imprisonment or castration. Unless, of course, they're insane enough to break our sexual laws then that's on them - but that's a whole different thing.

 

Again, in total agreement.

Sickening........and sad......that there are still so many places in our world where such horrific shit is the law of the land......talk about a crime against humanity............