Good evening from the UK. Married female of three years but I'm starting to crave experiencing being with a female. I am unsure of how to approach this situation. What advice would you give to someone who is curious..
Curiosity killed the cat and, if you're uncertain, its best to re-examine the Big Picture. I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings. Coming down, is the hardest thing.
Have a long discussion with your Husband. If you can both agree, then work out rule as well as place, time and method to experiment. Make it clear whether or not you want him to be involved. If you allow his involvement DO NOT throw a tantrum when he touches her and accuse him of cheating. Personally, I find involving a 3rd party into a committed relationship a bad idea from the start.
I agree and would add, do not avoid the discussion because it is uncomfortable. Only you know how willing you are to dip your toe into same sex play. Best Mark
Hi from the uk! Is it just a physical/sexual thing, or is it deeper than that..? Is there someone who has triggered these feelings, or is it just a general curiosity.. either way, you’re probably going to have to have the talk. Maybe figure out what you want, and need, first, or you might end up going somewhere you don’t really want to go - like 3 ways, or swinging.. you might have an itch that won’t be scratched that way..
In an ideal world, I would consider that the correct answer. However, I've known several women over the decades (yes, I'm nearly an oldie! Lol) and those experiences give me a different perspective. They wanted to try new things. 3some, 4some, FF, anal, public nudism, sex in public on holiday, and other things. Without writing a book about it all, I'll just mention that the two who had the chat with the husband got a shock. For #1; Soon afterwards he left her saying she was trash. I said my piece which supported her and dropped him off my friends list. He was unable to get his head around her being curious about things, yet it was that thing about her that he used to say he loved. For #2, he agreed to her plan, which was to open up their sex life to other things and specific other people. She satisfied her curiosity about anal and that it did nothing for her. But he loved it. He wanted to do it every time they had sex. Their sex life suffered and they both drifted apart, saw others without that discussion beforehand and now, they too, are divorced. The women who satisfied their curiosity 'in secret' a couple of times and discovered whether they liked it or not, only mentioned it if it was something they wanted to continue. It seems better to know if it's something you want to continue before risking upset to your relationship. If; unlike the first two, you know you enjoy it, you'll be happy if he also enjoys doing it. And if you don't like it, dont raise it as a "here's what you could've won" type of thing. hth
Hate to be the bearer of bad news but it looks like you have three not so good choices. Talk about this with your husband and risk your marriage falling apart just for suggesting something extramarital opening it up in a way that is not mutually agreeable Experiment behind your husband's back and deal with possible guilt of cheating on him Keep the thought completely to yourself, don't act on it, and become frustrated and possibly bitter Pick the one that is likely to cause the least trouble for you.
Before you talk with your partner, which I think is a solid piece of advice, I will offer one more piece... Give yourself time to think this through, and review what you might consider the worst-case scenario you could possibly endure in the process of exploring this and telling your partner. If you can handle the worst-case scenario, then proceed. But, not until you are sure you can handle getting through your greatest fear of what might happen as a result. I chose @soulpoker's options #3 first, then went to #2 - and kept it to myself for a long time. When I finally could no longer live with myself, I told my wife of my struggles. The first thing she asked me was if I'd been with anyone else. At the time, I had not... but she buried the conversation and my revelation under her rug. Then, I finally folded and cheated - even though I justified it because I was not with another woman. It turned out that didn't hold much weight with my wife. My worst-case scenario was rejection by the people I love the most. When it came to telling my adult children, I received support. But, when my marriage hit the wall, and I decided it was time to separate, then came the rejection and the criticism and the lack of understanding - my children could not understand why I would ruin our family this way instead of allowing my own desires to be true to myself to be ahead of It's tough waters to navigate - My heart goes out to you as one who has survived but still struggling to find complete happiness. I'm closer now than I was a year ago or 5, 10 and 25 years ago... Take your time and know yourself -
PapaSmurf makes good points as do many others on here. Proceed slowly. Ultimately it is best to tell your partner (BEFORE YOU EXPLORE) but only if you decide you really wish to go through with your desires. Obviously you will take their reaction to heart and might not proceed. I think another issue is whether or not you have kids. This adds another layer of complexity. I decided to bury my bisexuality since we had a very good sex life. I truly enjoyed straight sex so it was easier for me. I felt telling my wife would blow apart the marriage and damage my kids. So I remained ‘straight’ until my wife said she was done with sex and the kids successfully launch. I remain in the closet happily with occasional exploration of my other side. Good luck, not an easy decision
