For bi men whose wife is still "in the dark".......

Let's just say a HELLUVA LOT of INTENSE "beef-STROKIN'-off" over the years(!!)

 

Well done you I have a group of guys who come around when my wife is away and we wank and give each other blowjobs and all love cum and all married to.

 

Seeing married guys get it on "hot and heavy" with their married pals HAS to be HOT, especially when you see a guy's shaft-pumping hand coated in his pal's thick sperm, and that hot, married man's load oozing over his wedding band....(!!)

 

You have a way with words my friend

 

Thanks....I try!

 

I’m meeting a couple later who have a request for me but won’t tell me yet? Kind of exciting

 

Good luck; keep us posted......hope all goes well!

 

Qyestions, I feel, a bisexual man MUST ask himself before he gets married:

1: Should I tell her I'm bisexual?

2: Should I have sex with men "on the sly" if she doesn't approve of me being with other guys?

3: If she "puts out" whenever I'm horny, will that decrease my desire for sex with other men?

4: If she decides to break up with me after learning of my bisexuality, should I consider myself lucky, that I found out how she REALLY felt BEFORE the wedding?

5: Should I simply remain single, and "play the field" on both sides of the fence?

IMHO, these questions are of GREAT importance, and can never be overly-emphasized.........

 

Further:

As our much-experienced and always insightful friend KD23 always points out to us here, being a married bisexual male can often be "a bitch"; certainly, being a totally str8 married man indeed MUST be QUITE a bit more less "problematic", less complicated, than being a BISEXUAL man who is also married.

Here again, so much depends on the wife; would she be tolerant?

Would she go totally ballistic if she discovered her husband also likes to have sex with men?

Would she "shrug it off" with a casual "what ever floats your boat; just as long as you keep a roof over our heads, and don't fool around with other women" attitude?

As KD23 would tell you, there is NO "simple solution" to any of the above.

For every bi married man, there, certainly, must be more than a thousand stories..........

 

Question #1 - Sure, you can tell her at your own peril; she's either going to dump you or tell you that you have to make a choice between your bisexuality and her.

Question #2 - Sure, you can do that at your own peril as well; as the tone of this conversation has been, you can do it like this but you'd better not let her find out.

Question #3 - That's what a lot of guys think - as long as she's giving up the pussy, I won't need sex with men... and a lot of guys find out that they were very wrong about that. Look, I had a wife and two poly wives and all three of those women were giving me love, affection and pussy like it was nobody's business but when I needed to suck a dick, none of them had one; I learned way before I got married that when I want dick, if I don't get it, the desire and need for it wasn't going anywhere and yup, I cou.ld get all the pussy I could and it wouldn't displace my need to have sex with a guy. I'm not the only guy like .

Question #4 - Should he consider himself lucky? Fuck no, because he let his mouth get rid of a woman he truly loved and would have been good for him. I dunno... maybe some guys would consider themselves lucky because, in a way, if she kicks you to the curb because of your sexuality, then she really wasn't the woman who you could spend the rest of your life with. But, um, she might have been if you follow 'the rule' that says that you always give a woman a chance to change her mind.

Question #5 - Sure, you could do that.

The problem with these questions is that you presume that they guy in question is already bisexual and doesn't account or allow for those guys who are as straight as a ruler when they got married but down the road and for a slew of reasons now he hears the call of cock and is compelled to answer the call. Sure, some guys hear it and can suppress it and they may not get eaten alive by the compulsion to get some dick... but that's not all guys. The questions do not account for those men who, upon being thrust into a sexless marriage, makes a decision that he probably never thought he'd make. Or he finds himself in a "shit happens" moment with his friend and he's telling him about being cut off from sex and his friend offers him a , blowjob and... he accepts and finds it to his liking. Oh, shit, right? Does he tell his wife? Should he tell her? HIs friend is willing to blow him any time he needs the release and relief; does he take him up on this and maybe even returns the favor and under the auspices of "I won't tell if you won't" because his wife - and maybe even his friend's wife if he has one - cannot know that they're doing this.

If you're single and you tell her, you could be fucked and you won't be getting married this time around. If you don't tell her and you marry her and if she finds out that you're bisexual and you've had sex with men, you could be fucked but at a higher level of thought, none of this would be a problem if our society wasn't so goddamned prudish and, really, woefully ignorant about sexuality...

 

KD23:

Once again, I do certainly thank you for, yet again, taking the time to post an excelleny response that is most "telling", "on the spot", and, also, quite simply speaking, "telling it like it is".

IMHO, I believe that your many, many years of being an active (married) bisexual male, has, along with your most educated outlook and views, given you an "education" that is just as real as attending classes in a "brick-and-mortar" building; hearing the opinions one man "so much in the know", he is shareing his opinions and views in a mature, "up front" manner.

IMHO, I do not thking that there is not all that much you have not experienced, over the years, but the experience you HAVE had over the years have indeed MORE than entitled you to "tell it like it is", in clear, no-bullshit terms.......again, OUTSTANDING response, my friend!

 

It's what I've lived; it's what I've experienced; it's what I've learned from many a married man who has had their cock in my mouth and/or my ass and I've asked them, "If you're married and having sex with your wife, why are you here with me?"

And they've told me why. I don't judge. I try to understand.

 

KD23:

IMHO, a VERY wide opinion, to be sure......"don't judge"........after all, who are ANY of us to judge ANYONE else?

 

Who, indeed... but that's what some of us do and it's the reason why being married and bisexual is the clusterfuck to end all clusterfucks. I don't judge because I know what it's like to be judged, to be rejected by women because I know something about cock and like they do. I know what they've told me, have heard what they said to and about me and I've felt the heartache and pain borne out of their lack of understanding.

So when a married man wanted me to suck him off, I said, "Okay..." and got to the business of sucking his cock until he floods my mouth with cum. For one, shit yeah, I love to suck cock and I've not passed up many opportunities to do it. For another, if they're holding my head and muttering to me to suck it over and over and that's because he's married to a woman who would rather eat shit and die than to have sex with him. I know the rules of the jungle and one of them being, "If you don't take care of your man or woman, someone else can and will."

I sure have. I don't judge. I know. I understand. My first wife cut me off because she wanted and needed pussy more than she wanted to be bothered with me or any other man. Okay, I understood that and if I wasn't already bisexual, that would have very likely been my introduction to cock. But my poly wives 'picked up the slack' and they were fucking me silly and neither of them had a problem with me going to get some dick when I needed to suck one. I was lucky and all that good stuff. A lot of married men aren't. They populate the DL because other than divorce, it's the only viable recourse they have to be able to keep having sex once their wive has abandoned them and made them celibate.

Our society and related beliefs is responsible for this fuckup. Let he who is without sin throw the first stone and if we had had our heads screwed on correctly, no stones would ever be picked up and thrown. Those married men on the DL and looking to get there need someone who is going to understand because they've been there before themselves.

 

KD23:

Without a doubt, SOCIETY is largely responsible for all the fucked-up, narrow-minded, opinionated BULLSHIT (not to mention the equally fucked-up stigmas and stereotypes) that seem to NEVER disappear, but, instead, continue to fester through the corridors of time, like an open sore.

As you and I both know, a man's (regardless of his preferences) sexual drive is a FORMIDABLE and POWERFUL force, one NEVER to be underestimated; IMHO, I truly believe that "the primal urge for raw, lusting sex" is indeed our STRONGEST link between we men today and our earliest human ancestors.........

 

Society doesn't want us to be all about our sexual drive unless it's aimed solely at women. Fine. Never met a pussy I didn't like but I've met plenty of women I didn't like. I know what I'm supposed to do with women and that includes competing with other men for their love, affection and, damned right, the pussy. In the real world, I'm also competing with women, too, and a lot of women do not like the fact that they have to compete with gay men but, ha, ha, gay men aren't the only competition but, okay. The mission is clear. But the facts of life are even clearer for those of us who have had their eyes opened to the reality that society would prefer none of us ever found out about.

If a wife stops having sex with her husband - and modern day wives can cut him off for any reason that makes sense to them up to and including "girl problems" that include menopause. That's life; that's nature. She could keep having sex but why should she when she's done her part? Not her problem if her husband gets left in the dust but this isn't about him - it's all about her and the concept of "us" probably left before the pussy did. Men in the lurch have few real-life choices and many do (1) choose sex with men for the relative ease of it (2) they submit to being celibate or (3) they don't and being left to their own devices - and this is never a good thing - they either (4) seek out another woman who is going to be all the sex with him or (5) they find out that there is some truth to the myth that guys suck cock better than women do or, sadly (6) they get a divorce.

Since none of us live in an ideal world, we all have to make do the best way we can and make decisions that society - those prudish fucks - say we shouldn't do.

 

Celibate for 68 years! That’s a long time!

 

Indeed, a LIFETIME, my friend.....talk about "flying solo"!!!!!

 

KDaddy23, you write well about this! You need to be the replacement for Ann Landers setting wives straight to the reality of what they brought on themselves by refusing to have sex! And refusing to let their husbands do non monogamy to get a basic need met! A need these husband's chose their wives for, before they turned on them. Too many bi guys in other forums are are self righteous, holier than thou, judgemental pricks when you try to talk this out yourself, or offer advice to others going through a sexless marriage! Most of them are living the golden ticket life of being out to their wives, getting bi experiences with permission and enthusiasm! Or single, bi, and out. Or brainwashed by religion.

None of us wanted to be put in this position! We've tried everything we can think of? Marriage therapy, dates, helping around the house, talking it out, asking for an open marriage, begging them not to be cruel to us, etc.! Anything we can to save the marriage, & our physical & mental well being! The cruelest part is it would take minimal effort on their part to end or at least ease our suffering and they won't even lift a finger - or spread their legs! They drive us away feeling rejected & undesired by the person closest to us, when all we want is to feel closer to them?!

I really feel for the guys with kids feeling trapped in this scenario. Luckily / unluckily, I do not have kids with her. I hate being made to feel like the bad guy in this situation for being forced to:
1. Stay celibate and miserable, depressed, building resentment at how cold the marriage became.
2. Debate seeking out sex with other men or women on the DL. Struggling with the guilt of how it would hurt our wives if they found out. And the irony that they don't give one damn about the psychological and physiological hurt they inflict on us, by ending sex?! And being forced to do this in secret to get basic needs met, just to stay married to them! Yet forced to take on additional stress of guilt from society, for doing what we need to do to stay sane?!

I appreciate your nuanced view and empathy that you and Dan Savage have for men & women in this situation! ❤️ If it's reversed & the man refuses sex, then women are all supportive for dumping his ass in a double standard!
It literally makes me want to puke knowing I have to divorce, dragging my feet because I dint want to hurt her, even though she doesn't blink at the hurt she causes me?!

The other judgemental bi men looking down at men like me, discriminating against us, can either keep their damned mouths shut, offer support, or go shove it! We come here and elsewhere trying to work it out, find positive advice, or empathy that we are not alone - on top of the issues being bisexual brings up.

 

Decades ago, I saw a need to really tell it like it is; how I'd been experiencing it; what I'd been learning from other bisexuals and there's the 'polite', fairy tale version of bisexuality that still exists today and then there's the, "Holy shit, I'm married to "Gloria" but she's not giving me none... and "Travis" sucked me off the other day... and I liked it! What do I do?" situations that life really does throw at people or, yeah, two girl friends have one glass of wine too many and their sexual frustrations with men get set aside and they find out that it's true that women eat pussy better than men ever could.

I realized that somebody had to put it out there and on the real without sugar or bullshit - and even if doing so gave me the chance to empty my head of all the stuff I'd been learning along the way. Setting wives straight? It's not like they don't know what could happen if the cut their husband off from sex; they married him with the thought in the back of her head that one day, he's going to cheat on her but what they don't really suspect is that, sure - "Grant" might cheat on her but not with a woman because, for some reason, that's fucked up... but hanging out with "Tom" and letting all of his 'gay sex' stuff out for their mutual enjoyment isn't.

GG57 comes up with these questions that require a real-life answer. Bisexuals need facts, not fiction. If you have your wife in the dark, you already know that you'd better keep her there and then don't presume that she doesn't know - a mistake a lot of men wind up making because they don't consider that they're trying to pull a fast one over on someone who knows them all too well. Some learn the lesson of "Just because they don't say nothing don't mean they don't know nothing..." and they're given a lot of rope so they can, one day, hang themselves. If you're thinking about hitting the DL, you can but I'd recommend making sure you have plans that have their own plans so that you can cover as many things as humanly possible while leaving room for the shit that'll come up that you wouldn't have thought about even if you knew you should have.

Discretion is a must. Sexual safety is a must. The whole "I don't want to hurt her feelings" thing is noble but she hurt your feelings first and, usually, without a care in the world and I don't know about other guys but if I didn't have permission and my wife did that to me, I wouldn't give too many fucks about her feelings since she made such a major decision without bothering to include me. You can learn much from the experiences of other bisexuals, but you have to be able to separate opinion from fact, reality from pie-in-the-sky fantasy.

Bisexual and married with children is a tougher one and more so if you have to wind up explaining to them what you and Mommy were arguing about or, fuck, if they're old enough to be able to figure out that you might not be as straight as you've told them they have to be. I remember my daughter asking me out of the blue one day, "Does Mommy like girls?" I asked her, "What makes you ask that?" She said, "Um..." and the end of this story is that she knew that her mom liked girls because, um, she liked girls, too, but in truth, she wasn't telling me anything I didn't already know about her but I told her, "You should go ask your mother that question - and I'll let her know that she should answer you truthfully, okay?"

From what I gathered, the two of them had quite the conversation and, no, I did not want to know anything about it because this was about and between the two of them. I have three children and two of them are bisexual and the third one I'm sure tried it and didn't like it. Not every mother or father can be that lucky to tell their children and not have them freaking out and in need of long-term therapy. This is also something that when you're on the DL or planning to be there, you have to think about how any pushback is going to affect your offspring, too.

Finally (for now), you are not alone. You were never alone in this, but guys and gals can come here to learn that, nope, they're not the only one like this or in this situation. If you come here looking for the truth, I happen to know some of it and I don't have a problem telling it because knowledge is power. I don't know everything, but I do know what I know.