Bi men and aging

Sure - wifey suggests to hubby that he should try sucking cock and swallowing sperm and... it's really an invitation for him to do so. It's been my thoughts and feelings that only a guy who has had that "secret desire" to suck cock would, cautiously, take her up on the invite because, you know, it might be a trap of some kind; as such, I can't imagine a guy who wouldn't even dream of touching a guy's prick taking her up on the invitation/challenge - and I'm not sure that I know any really straight guys who got the "challenge" and sucked a guy off, with her present or otherwise.

One guy I knew who got the "challenge" had told me about it - but I knew she was going to do it because she told my wife (while they were making love) and my wife mentioned it to me - and he has asked, "Why would she tell me some shit like that?" and I said, "Well, I'm guessing that she's sure that you have no idea what it takes to not only suck a dick but to suck a guy off and, um, she's thinking you need to find out." I don't know if he accepted the challenge but his lady and mine had a giggling conversation about it that I wasn't privy to.

And some guys jump all over that invitation/challenge because it might be their "only chance" to suck cock and not get into trouble for doing it. Or snowballing with her or, yeah, what topper's lady did with him.

I remember a guy asking me - somewhere around 1979 if I remember correctly - what would I do if my wife asked me to suck a guy's dick and I had said, "I'd go find a guy so I could suck his dick!" He asked why I'd do that and without telling him that I was a card-carrying cocksucker, I said, "I'm sure she would ask me to do that and tell me that it would make her happy and I'm all about doing whatever I gotta do to make her happy! Wait... why are you asking?"

He was asking because that's what his lady asked of him, and he didn't know what to do. One thing led to another and we wound up on my sofa sucking each other off and I'd warned him that I was about to cum, he nodded and kept sucking until I came; after I finished him off, he said, "I understand now - I need to go talk to her but I'll be back..."

My wife would never ask me to suck a dick because she already knew that I would. I just find it fascinating that a wife will ask her hubby to do it... and then he does.

 

KD23:

To say you have "seen it all" and "done it all" (with few exceptions) would indeed seem to describe your countless sexual/emotional battles/triumphs.experiences over the decades......and you've come through it all, and are STILL "getting it done".

Many married bi men, sadly, have not been as fortunate as yourself, for certain..........

 

Do I consider myself lucky and fortunate? You betcha! Sometimes, I've had to take a stand against those who were offended by my bisexuality by saying, "Who are you that you have the right to tell me not to be who I am? Last I looked, you're not my mother and even she didn't tell me not to be myself."

You deal with this shit in your formative years like I had to, and you get to a point where you just tend to ignore anyone who says, "Ew!" when they hear "bisexual" or even "gay." I saw a friend of mine get DP'd by a couple of guys and when they invited me to take two dicks in my ass I said, "Oh, hell, no! I'd suck both of you off before I let you do that to me... but not until y'all wash your dicks first!" I've seen guys get humiliated via M2M sex and not in a kinky way; I've seen guys get forced to have sex and, no, I didn't stand by and let it go any farther - except this one time, the guy being forced wanted to be forced and, oops, my bad. I always say that if I haven't done it, it's because I didn't want to and if I haven't done it, I've probably seen it and, importantly, I've learned a lot of stuff both good and bad when it comes to having sex with men.

Years ago, my protege asked, "Why are you older men so cool and calm about M2M?" and my answer was, "When you get to be, oh, fifty or so, you kinda stop giving a fuck about what anyone else might say about your sex life and anyone who does like it is cordially invited to French kiss our sweaty asses. You get to be a certain age and you not only understand sex in ways that you're not supposed to be aware of but to you, sucking your boy's cock - then spend the rest of your evening bonking the old lady is... not that big of a deal. It's sex at the very least and who among us doesn't like to have sex?"

I stopped giving a fuck about what others say and think when I was 16. If you knew, then you just knew and if you didn't like me for it, no sweat off my back and it's not like no one has ever hated me for not being straight... or gay. Best thing you can do is don't fuck with me about it because I'm really a nice guy... until you give me a reason not to be - and then, it's gonna suck to be you. Mind your business and we'll be just fine. It's not just what I've done and/or have seen - it's what I've learned about sex, sexuality, men, women and the society we live in and what I'm still learning about all of this and, well, it's been one hell of a ride and an even greater learning experience.

Over the decades, I've done my best to help other guys figure this out, from actually having sex with them to spending long hours just sitting, talking and doing my best to answer their questions; sometimes, I've failed to be of any help to them and that doesn't feel good at all but this bisexual thing? It's not for everyone as a lot of men and women find out.

And, yes, still about getting it done because I'm not dead and cremated yet... I got to have a lot of sexual experiences because I refused to say no unless I really, really had to. Otherwise, sure, why not? I was, admittedly, a little whore when it came to having sex; anyone, anywhere, anytime because sex, as it turned out, wasn't as horrible as my elders said it was. Sure, there's some shit about sex that isn't all that pretty but by and large? Giving a guy a blowjob is just (1) sex and (2) boys being boys and in that way that (a) they know we're going to do while (b) admonishing and threatening us not to do and (c) as boys have been doing all along.

 

KD23:

Keep on outdoing yourself, brother!

You sure got your act together, make no mistake!

Be WHO you ARE, DO WHAT (and WHO!) you want, and anyone that thinks less of you because of WHO you ARE and WHAT (and WHO!) you do, just tell them: "Hey, you don't fucking own me, pal! Live YOUR life, and I'll live MINE......and, if you don't like it, tough shit, buddy!"

 

I want to encourage other bisexual men to not be afraid to be bisexual, to not be afraid of having sex with a guy, to not let social stigma run and determine the course of their lives. I want to encourage them to not overthink this and to simplify things as much as possible, to let their intelligence and logic run the show instead of letting their emotions dictate what they're not going to do when, in fact, they need to do it even if for the betterment of their mental and physical health. My... adventures aren't what I'd call typical, and I grew up with guys who, by comparison, made me look like I was straight, chaste, and a prude.

I challenge bisexual men to not think about why they can't do something but to think about why they should do something. Over my lifetime, I have heard the same tired excuses for why a guy who wants to have sex with a man is 100% sure that (a) he shouldn't and (b) he can't. Everyone's situation is obviously different but once you get it into your head that it's impossible, there's no real coming back from that - your worst enemy in this isn't your wife, girlfriend, family, co-workers, et al - no, your worst enemy is yourself and the continued belief that the perceptions in this are the truth when, no, my friends, the perceptions are just and only negatives that our society concocted to keep men straight and, um, I'm not sure if you noticed but that ploy still isn't working the way it's supposed to - but if those misperceptions are keeping you from doing that which you know you need to do, well, it's working and I'm not sure how you feel about that - but I know that I'd be pissed. Can things go horribly wrong? Yes, they sure can and just like can happen in any other aspect of your life but just like in anything else you do, you have to be smart about it.

I applaud the 70-year-old guy who decides that now is a good time to have sex with men and I rejoice to know that he's learned something that I've known all of my life: Getting some dick is good and... tell me again why it took you so long to find this out but, you betcha, it's always better late than not at all. I congratulate the men who can get some dick because they have their wife's permission and even involvement and to the men who are on the DL to do what they gotta do, um, don't get caught and if no one else understands why you're on the DL to get the sex you need, I understand it and I understand that there are times when a man really has to do what a man has to do and even if doing so is an act of self-preservation.

I share the experiences of my life from how amazing things were to... what the fuck was I thinking about when I thought having sex with this dude would be fun? I speak to the mistakes I've made and the ones I've avoided to show that being bisexual is a learning process and above all else, I tell it like it is and without added sugar... because someone has to and if not me, then who?

 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA+++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

KD23:

IMHO, life for ALL Of us (regardless of our color, religion, race, or orientation) is indeed an ongoing LEARNING EXPERIENCE, and, if we are smart enough to realize that, we do NOT stop learning until our time on this Earth has ended, and NEVER forget what we HAVE learned, during our often tumultous journies through life..............

 

It would be interesting (and, also, sobering at times) to read the accounts opf multiple bisexual married men, regarding their "coming out" to their wives (or, wishing to "come clean", but too afraid of the possible consequences to do so).

Yes, it indeed takes true GUTS for a bi husband to admit to his wife that he's also into M2M sex, but, as we all know (as in any circumstance), the ever-present "fear of the unknown" can indeed present itself as a formidable foe...........

 

"GUTS"...................

Indeed, a most precious commodity that ANY married bisexual male needs in FULL STRENGTH, when he finally decides to "come clean" to his wife, revealing his true sexuality, and his desire for having sex with other men.

As we both know, such "honesty" can indeed go either way, and, if the wife is not understanding and open-minded enough, totally freaks out, and goes off the deep end.....yeah, things can get pretty ugly, for certain...........

 

A lot of men would just love to come out to their wife if they were 200% sure that she wouldn't freak out and continue to accept him as the man she loves and continues to not only support him but, yeah, to fuck his brains out. If they were 200% sure that she'd be okay with him having a male lover, they'd come out to her in a heartbeat because even I know what it's like to want to tell someone so badly it hurts... but you don't dare because you don't know how they're going to react. "Discretion is the better part of valor" is something I probably learned in school but works in this situation; it's a very tough call for a guy to make and I've actually known guys to do stuff... so their wife can catch them and calls them out for it... so they can unload this burden they've been carrying around for however long they've been carrying it.

Sounds insane but it also makes a bit of sense even though some guys still get shredded for admitting this and, well, that's not how I'd want to handle this - I just know guys who did it like this. So, if you're 60 years old and have been married for 30 of those 60 years, you might think it'd be easier for a guy to come out to his wife and maybe it would be... but can he really be sure that she won't be inclined to gut him? Any uncertainty is as much of a killer as harboring a secret that our prudish society can't deal with and mindfucks everyone to be homophobic. Such men would think about the better part of valor and not tell her - although, um, she probably already knows but has said nothing - decides that it'd be better for the both of them if he just goes ahead and has sex with a guy and not say a word to her about it. It all still puts you in that awful position of being damned if you do and damned if you don't.

 

KD23:

Another outstanding, thought-provoking, mature response; this latest indeed speaks many volumes, and, certainly, is MORE than enough "food for thought".........without a doubt, such situations are light-years BEYOND "hyper-sensitive".......a potential power keg laced heavily with nitro.........

 

Here's the thing: You're never really going to know if this is a bomb waiting to go off until it goes off. I used to wonder which thing is worse: Her going off about it or not know what's going to happen. Sure, there's enough horror stories about this to last several lifetimes and it's the thing we tend to focus on more than the fact that, um, do you really know your wife as well as you think you do? Especially is she's one of those girls who firmly believes that a girl has to have some secrets?

You just can't know until you say, "Uh, honey? Can I talk to you about something? It's really important..." and take it from there.

 

KD23:

IMHO, the wife who REALLY loves and supports her (bisexual) husband will, when he reveals his true sexuality to her, will react in a POSITIVE manner, THANK her husband for being HONEST and OPEN with her, and then, giving her blessing to his needs for M2M sex.

"'Till death do us part"?

Of course, this all revolves around just how "open minded" the wife is; some might totally freak out, others might grugingly accept the fact that hubby is bisexual, or, she can be totally accepting and supportive, right from the get-go.

It all depends.............

 

In a perfect world, you'd be right but, as you know, the world in which we live is far from perfect. The rub in this is the presumption that the person you marry is going to be all that you will ever need for the rest of your life (and if the marriage lasts that long). It's never about "til death do us part..." it's all about "keeping only unto yourselves and let no man put asunder..." and you can adjust the pronouns as required.

A woman can be quite open-minded, but her marriage vows are inviolate; she takes them very seriously and you're supposed to as well. And depending on her religious beliefs, oh, man - you'd better not tell her about that night in your college dorm room where your roomie and three other guys had their way with you when you were drunk - and you loved every minute of being their slut and can't get that night out of your mind. You're a fool if you tell her how you ran around sucking all of the willing cocks you could get your mouth around and you sure as fuck better not even think about telling her that one of the guys you had sex with was her gay brother... and that was the night before y'all got married!

She might not be all that open-minded or willing to forgive your sins so easily and even if she doesn't go medieval on you, going forward, everything you do will be suspect. You can't go take a shit without her wanting to know where you are and what you're doing. And, by chance, even if she forgives all of the stuff you did before y'all met and got married, if you're thinking about taking care of that crushing need to suck a guy's balls dry, don't even think that she's going to tell you to go ahead and do it and if she does, you might not want to because you could go out to get some dick and come back to a home that no longer has her in it.

No guys I've ever know of wants to deal with anything that remotely resembles this and, yes, I did know a guy who got turned into a cock whore and as I described... and his wife quietly filed for a divorce the day after he confessed to her. What guy who loves his wife wants to risk that happening to them? Or to find themselves no longer being trusted by her? It might not go sideways on you and that could be exactly what's gonna happen if you confess to her that you're bisexual and you've either slept with men or you want to.

I tell a lot of guys facing this dilemma, "Good luck..."

 

KD23:

It's just as you correctly stated awhile back here:

".....damned if you do, damned if you don't..........."

"Do I confess to her?"

"Do I continue to deny my urges to be with another guy in bed?"

"Do I admit to her that I've been having sex with guys since before we were dating?"

No matter WHAT the bi husband does, there are many risks involved, and is something that CANNOT be taken lightly, but handled with the utmost of seriousness...........

 

Do you want to admit to her that you've been having sex with guys since you've been married to her? Thinking that a blowjob really isn't that bad of a thing? Making the mistake and thinking that oral sex really isn't sex? Or you and the other guy jerking each other off isn't sex? Still, if your honor compels you to come clean, why not just rip the bandage off and don't keep anything from her? Could you still get into trouble for not telling her before now? Yeah, you could because the moral of this story is that there's no easy way to do this.

That's why I tell guys who decide to not tell her that they have to be prepared to deal with the consequences of their actions. Maybe one of the lucky guys who has a lady who really does get it... and probably because she's got a secret, too. Or her bi side has awakened and she finds herself in the same boat as you are: Afraid to speak about it because it could be like mixing matter with antimatter...

 

KD23:

To show you just how naive I was about ANYTHING sexual in my much, much younger years, the first time I heard the term "oral sex" I thought it meant when people DISCUSSED having sex instead of DOING it! (well, in school, an "ORAL quiz" meant we'd answer questions VERBALLY, instead of writing them down!)

And I thought that "bisexual" meant having sex twice a year

Now, go right ahead and laugh, my friend, I STILL laugh at of just how TOTALLY naive I once was. at least until I hit my later teens, when I started to put "two and two" together.......

 

It is truly a shame that you can't see or hear me laughing my ass off...

 

If only I could be that kind of bisexual...

 

Well, turns out that I DID do something RIGHT on this Thursday evening.....I managed to bring "spasms of unbridled mirth" to a friend, today!

Hell, I laugh at myself ALL the time!