Afraid to try it with people you aren't 100% sure of

Yeah, as I think back on it, I am more and more convinced they were foolish. I was stoked and ready, and would have given everything to the experience. The only ting my previous encounter have done was to make me weary of new encounters. Recent chats with people online have not yielded any better results. It seems that if I don't agree to hook up right away, they no longer want to continue chatting, so I never get a chance to know them.

 

That's actually one I gave up on so many other forums. They ask to chat, we get into sexual issues, I end up doing all the typing, if they respond at all it's one word answers then they vanish.

 

I have to feel safe and the environment is clean and he's hygenic.

 

My girlfriend brought a guy home to a threesome and after I’ve been working on his cock for a few minutes he became kind of hostile.

I don’t know how that worked in his head but it didn’t turn violent at least.

I let him call me some names he fucked my girlfriend twice and then left

 

Based on my experiences so far, I think I'm a danger to myself--too nice of a guy and not wanting to hurt the other guy by saying no thanks. But it's hard to say for sure because the sample size is so small with me so far. In the last 10 years I've only gotten together with about a dozen guys in each other's homes (and only 3 of them multiple times). But I did suck over 200 cocks (and been sucked) in the 20 years before that in gay sex venues like bathhouses, arcades, etc.

With the recent dozen, nothing has been dangerous so far--just me not listening to my gut that they are either incompatible or too selfish or too straight. One guy didn't have a car so I picked him up to take him to dinner first (which is what he wanted), and immediately upon getting into my car I saw that he was too gay flamboyant for me (he turned out to be a dancer at a gay strip club in Toronto but was just visiting his mom's house in Niagara Falls where I live, all of which he only told me when we were naked at my place). But I continued through dinner, feeling so exposed with him in the restaurant (I'm still in the closet with the gay side of my bisexuality), being turned off, but still took him home afterwards for sex because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. That turned into a disaster, with my inability to get hard enough to fuck his ass after rimming him. It didn't help that he immediately turned my TV onto a rap music station, a genre I'm not a fan off.

Another guy turned out mostly straight and only wanted his cock sucked with no reciprocation, despite him telling me online that he has gay sex regularly. I stupidly tried a second time with him, with his same revulsion for my male body and cock. I am so stupid.

Then there are the situations where my gut is "all in" at the beginning, only for me to end up disappointed later because I'm so desperate and gullible. So there was another guy I took to dinner after meeting and admiring each other's hard cocks in the shower and sauna at the Y. I took him home and he didn't want us to take our underwear off, and instead just snuggle. Another guy had a fantasy of finally swallowing another guy's cum, but when it didn't happen fast enough for him (I like longer sexual sessions), he told me to leave, but not before fucking my throat and shooting his load in my mouth. And most of the other dozen guys were just not gay enough for me: so many bisexual guys are just interested in the cock alone, and not the rest of the guy's body, kissing, rubbing and touching each other's bodies, let alone the guy himself. This is probably why I have decided in the future to only get together with other gay guys (yes, a couple of years ago I finally came out to myself as mostly gay).

But I am afraid that my always wanting to please others, along with my desperation for gay sex and love, will get me into trouble if I should ever meet someone whom my gut says to avoid for more dangerous reasons. Will I listen to my gut?! Will I leave a guy's place or ask him to leave mine when my gut says to?!

 

Look, those of us who are experienced has gone through stuff like this and it doesn't mean that you're a danger to yourself and, yeah, you really do have to learn how to say no and to be able to just walk away when your instincts tell you to just say no and walk away. One important lesson to be learned is just because you want to experience things in a certain way doesn't mean the other guy isn't going to have his own idea about how things should go - and you learn not to be disappointed or disillusioned because, again, we all wind up having to take the good with the bad and then being able to chalk the bad up to experience; you learn from it and do your best not to repeat it.

I'm bi and very biased in this direction but I say to you to not give up on bi guys because there are bi guys out there who want the same thing you want - but don't get all bent out of shape over those of us who are "cock only" and like there's something wrong with that because there isn't. Chances are you could run into a gay man who's only interested in your cock or they don't want to take the time to kiss and cuddle - lord only knows how many of those guys I've run into in my lifetime. It's all what I can an occupational hazard - you want the dick, you deal with... stuff that may not be entirely to your liking and, again, you learn from these events and no matter what, don't be kicking your own ass over it. I don't like telling a guy no... but I had to learn how to because it's not about his feelings - this is about mine and if telling him no hurts his feelings - which I seriously doubt - well, it's his fault for giving me a reason to say no to him and I'm not ever going to take any responsibility for that and I'm sure as fuck not apologizing just because I exercised my right to say no.

Even the best of us have screwed the pooch and not in a good way when picking guys to sleep with; as long as the situation didn't totally go sideways (like getting violent), eh, okay, the pooch has been screwed and it's back to finding a guy more to my liking - and it's always been a crap shoot and there are no guarantees.

 

No worries for me in that regard, I'm snipped

 

I've said that good sex is where you find it - and you never know where you might find it and, sometimes, it comes from a direction you would never guess in a million years. Even with guys I know, there are no guarantees, and it can be a crap shoot because, um, they can change their minds about stuff and now I'm not all that "sure" about them... but I'm not going to fear them but, as I've written, I don't have any stranger danger since having it is a good way to not get any dick.

A life lived in fear is a life that's not worth living. I don't have an FWB; I don't want one, don't really have the time for one so that means when I want and need some dick, I gotta check out guys that until I check them out, I'm not sure of and, again, I'm not afraid to check them out and can't be if I really want that dick - and I really want it. This is me; it's always been me and I don't expect others to be like me if they know they can't be but, fuck, I've been leery about having sex with people I've been reasonably sure about because something about them is now giving me pause - and now it's a matter of whether or not I want to investigate it or just leave it the hell alone...

 

Similar situation for me. I met a black guy on AFF who was in his mid-forties. He was very emphatic about discretion. I had to come to his place after dark, walk right to the front door and enter quickly. The interior was dark. He told me to take my clothes off, so I did. He looked at me an told me to come over to him. I did as I was told. He spanked me and then had me kneel in front of him. He was huge. I gave him oral for 5 mins before he wanted to try anal. No go, he was too big. I finished him orally. He thanked me and I apologized for not being able to accommodate him. It wasn't due to lack desire.

Even though it was quick, it was a passionate and intimate encounter that I'd like to repeat with a different outcome...

 

I hooked up with a guy on "CL" many years ago that I knew going in was huge as he posted a photo of a huge cock, looked like 11" and thicker than any cock I ever sucked on before. I do enjoy sucking on big cocks, and his add stated he wanted to be sucked off, so I made arrangements with him to arrive at his apartment to suck him off. He greets me at the door naked and his flaccid cock was hanging a good eight inches with the biggest pair of balls dangling at least six inches below his cock as he invited me inside. He took a seat in a recliner in the living room and says, so show me what you have to offer. Well, I started on those huge balls as I lifted his huge soft cock up and out of the way. Having sucked on his balls and hearing his words of enjoyment (big talker) for about two minutes I placed the head of his cock into my mouth and slurped on it for a bit before taking more of his cock into my mouth. He was rambling on, yeah buddy, that's it, suck on it and make it grow. As I cupped his huge balls in my hand I began seriously sucking in his thick cock as it began to thicken and grow in length. I was enjoying his freshly showered cock and as I was sucking on it, I began stroking (it was so damn big) it as well and in 10 minutes this cock was 11" long and so thick I could only get four inches of his cock in my mouth. The head of his cock was HUGE, and he was so thick. I started rubbing it against my face and slapping it against my extended tongue hearing him say "You like that BIG COCK? I replied, dude your cock is HUGE, the biggest I've seen to date and am struggling to suck on it as I normally can. I was probably sucking on it for a good 20-25 minutes; he was getting some really sloppy head as I was choking on his cock as I was wanting to take as much of it as my mouth could handle to hear him laughing and saying, everyone chokes on my cock. It was then that he said he wanted to fuck me in the ass. I'd never gone there and did not want this huge thing fucking my ass. I told him I was not into receiving anal but am willing to suck him for as long as it takes for him to cum. He pushed me back and stood up. I began to become fearful that he was going to rape my ass, but instead he moved over to the couch and sat on the back of the couch and said, now your knees have some cushion, please keep sucking on it and asked me to extend my hand out as he placed some Astro glide on two of my fingers and said now work those two finger up my ass while you're chocking on my cock and I assure you I will cum for you. It ended well with a massive load of cum shot about 45 minutes later as he thanked me for efforts to allow me to leave.

 

The "moral" of thepapasmurph's story is that when you're sure, you suck the guy's soul right out of his body and have a damned good time doing it.

 

That is why I like masturbation and pegging. Other than my old best friend, who is like a brother for over 60yrs,I dont trust or feel comfortable with anyone. The bar may be set high, but I'm safe and alive to jump it. I just have to deal with the downtime between. Toys work pretty good in taking care of physical needs in between.

 

Thanks, KDaddy, as usual great advice! You're the best!