Old Age

No, I'm very self-conscious about doing anything like farting or burping. I don't do it in front of others.

 

Omg the other day I was embarrassed.at the pub I went to say something and this rush of air just came out and everyone looked at me and laughed and I was omg what was that! It was like a burp and a sneeze and a cough and a fart all in one.

 

100 is the new 90.

 

So... In other words, dead.

 

My dad is 72. My mum is 60.

My dad goes to the pub with his friends and trains his dogs and shows his dog and at 72 is one of the more renown dog handlers in Australia where they live and at the moment the current national champion for German shepherd showing, obedience and tracking.

At 72 he kicks eveybodies ass. My dad is an inspiration for me getting older in a way. You can still have passions and desires at 72, all you gotta do is want it. And half of my dads spine is metal, and he can't bend his back, and he walks like he's drunk because of it. And he kicks everyone's ass.

At 72 he has a part time job in horticulture and does private gardening jobs, with a back that doesn't work but he still does it in excruciating pain to find a little extra support for his family, who are well moved on from home but he's a provider and always has been.

At 72, after the day winds into the afternoon my dad sits by himself in his home built pergola in the corner of his backyard. He feeds the birds, right leg cross over the left, with country music playing in the background and a cold bottled beer, just like I've always known him to do.

I wonder what he thinks of when he's out there. I know my dad has undiagnosed bipolar too, it's hereditary after all and my sister also has been diagnosed and my dad shows the exact same symptons. But he lives in the simpler times where he just pushes through it. I hope he sits out there and is happy the way is four daughters have grown up and moved on.

Eeeeep I'm gonna start bawlin' here.

 

Something like that haha.

 

I have no interests. I couldn't develop an interest out of some longing to be better at it than anyone else, either.

Well, I guess I do have one interest: dreaming. My favorite dreams are dreams where I'm an actor. Someone extremely funny who makes everyone laugh.

I'm gonna try to hold myself together through the years, of course. And I guess it would be silly of me to think I know what's going to happen tomorrow.

 

This song always reminds me of my dad. I really like it.

 

I miss my sweetheart so in the way she used to smile
I miss them kids of mine... Running wild
The daylight fades
Late afternoon
But all I know...
Was it was gone too soon

I'm an old man!
Done all I can
I been working this land
Since I was twenty four
I'm an old man ain't a whole lot going on around ere anymore.

 

That's normal, especially among strangers or neighbours. Just saying one is not exceptionally self conscious because they don't do this.

 

I think you have!

 

Have you ever tried acting? Could be fun. I know you're shy like me, I used to love acting in school because it gave me an outlet where I could express myself, but like ..by pretending to be someone else, so I wasnt as shy about it

 

No, and I wouldn't even know where to begin doing that. I don't think my deep seated belief that I am unwanted would ever allow it, either.

 

I know you're in a rural area but sometimes even small towns have small theatres or improv groups, it might be looking into if theres anything within driving distance
And I think theatre tends to attract people who feel like outcasts so you probably wouldnt be alone in your feelings.
You're very witty, I can see you being good at improv

I think everyone should have a creative outlet. It keeps us young...to stay topical to the thread

 

Knew someone similer to you and Meliais suggestion of a small theatre group has a point. Many actors are good because they can hide themselves behind their played character thus gaining confidence to try another role and so on.

Worked for the person mentioned so it may be worth a shot.

 

The things that concern me are leaving my beautiful grandchildren, and children, sad when I go; and outliving any of my pets.

My body is taking a beating but I want to be able to move adequately to take care of my grandson who will be born in October. I want to stay capable enough to stay at home with him until he starts kindergarten. I want to protect him so he doesn't have to be put in a nursery.

I'd like to enjoy some great grandchildren but we will see.

 

Wow, maybe I will try out for a theater something. I see there are auditions for a musical in my home town. You're wrong, though, I'm not very witty. I'm always too shy to be witty. Thanks Melial.

Think your kids will ever throw you in a nursing home, Aerianne? *sigh* That's my destiny. Probably. And I don't even like old people.

 

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