Age Differences

Hi there everybody!

Is there any chance that relationships between people with large age differences can eventually work out?

Or is that just something middle-aged men (particularly actors (Nicolas Cage), rock stars (Mick Jagger)...) do to make themselves feel better about getting old?

All replies are much appreciated.

 

What sized age differences? I know a couple who are about 12 years apart and they are wonderfully happy. I think it all depends on how much the couple love each other but I think that any couple will have a harder time the larger the gap.

 

between 10 and 20 years' difference.

 

I guess it totally depends on the strength of the relationship. As I said, I think it is going to be harder than a smaller age gap just because of the differences in tastes but there is no reason it can't work.

 

Me and my girlfriend have a 20 year age gap, im 45 she's 25. We have been together for two years, we are very happy, very much in love and have a great sex life and we are getting married next month. as long as both partners are of a decent age, ie over 21, and love each other there is no problem!

 

I've dated from between 2 years my junior to men on average, 15 years older. My only advice is, if you ARE insecure with your age/their age/both of you together it will show right through. Your prospective partner doesn't need that and neither do you.

Avoid the situation if you know yourself well enough.

 

further explanation required.

 

It sounds silly, but someone told me that in terms of setting the limit in terms of someone younger than you, take your partners age and divide it in half and add 8 to it.

Age is just a number, but in my case (I'm 30) that math works out to 23 and I honestly couldn't see myself dating someone younger than that.

In general, for longetivity purposes, to me it doesn't seem realistic for two people more than 15 years a part or so to date. A youngish 50 year old might decide to date a 30 year old and things could work out for a while, but eventually that 30 year old will be 50 and possibly still very activity and youthful. The chances of their 70 year old mate being the same where they can still share common interests and experiences physically might not be there.

 

My beau is 11 years older than me.

We forget that all the time because neither of us really cares.

Until my neighbor asked why I always hang out with my Dad? go figure-

 

I think what often makes an intergenerational relationship hard isn't necessarily the age difference itself but how the third party(such as society) reacts upon seeing a couple with a big age gap. That can be even more so when one of the parties involved is still underage. However, even a relationship with a big age difference, even when one party is so-called "underage", can work just as well as a relationship with two parties more or less of the same age. When it comes down to it, what matters is a number of different things, such as personality compatibility, philosophical compatibility, sexual compatibility(I tend to believe in this), and how mentally mature each party is.

In short... No, age doesn't matter. It only matters because society makes it so, and because so many people just don't question such stance presented by society.

 

Alternative Thinker already elaborated a great deal of it (see post above). If you're insecure with the way you are due to the community imparting and affecting you with their opinions, then don't engage in a relationship that's too much for you to handle.

Sometimes it's not necessarily the community but one or both partners who are uncomfortable with their situation at the moment (whether financial or otherwise) and feels they don't necessarily live up to the expectations that their numerical age should imply. If they are with someone much younger or older, some of those insecurities might bounce back and there are strong feelings of inadequacy.

Communication is key. If you cannot communicate, you might as well be speaking Martian. And even that would warrant better results. Get a Martian dictionary.

When I mean speaking different languages I mean thinking about different worries. The younger might be thinking about a fight they had with their parents the other day. The older might be wondering what the electrical bill might amount to. Does this make sense? There is a drastic gap between life experiences. I've noticed not many people can flourish well. There's a feeling of something missing, something more that's not there.

More than once I've dated men usually 6 to 11 years older and there tends to be a condescending attitude that is abhorrent to say the least. It's easily recognizable but not so if you're not used to it. They don't realize they're doing it and perhaps I have been guilty of it at some point in my life too. But older partners, I hope you realize how much you do affect your S.O. with that kind of unnecessary dribble.

We do hear of success stories and I'm so glad. Truly makes me smile, like when I hear any successful relationship (at the time). And I believe intergenerational relationships can be successful. It depends how one handles it, if they can handle it.

 

My take on this is the problem of life stages, not saying it won't work but usally it works out better if the ages are closer.
What I mean by life stages is that for example younger person wants to go out and party while older person wants to stay home and watch telly.
Then comes the question of kids, a women in her early twenties might not want kids right now while mid thirties partner is getting clucky.

 

dhs -actually, the last number is seven, which is the age relation world average. Man older. Men mature so much slower than women emotionally, that it makes sense from a woman's point of view to join up with an older man for life (after screwing around with younger ones for nonstop sex, if that's cool for them.) The best benefit is that after the kids are grown and a few years of togetherness, he dies, she's still youngish and has money, a place to live and peace at last for many years!

 

It depends on the people involved, where they are in their life, maturity, etc.

I'm a calm, stay at home type of person. I have a stable career, I'm a home owner, and I prefer men who have similiar lifestyles.

I'm 23 and can't imagine dating a guy under 25. Really, 27-32 is my preference.

I also find that most men in their early 20's are not attracted to girls my size, whereas older men seem to be a bit more open to dating a plus sized lady.

Not trying to generalize, but most 23 yr old males aren't terribly mature. They often don't have good jobs, don't own their own home, are not fiancially secure, don't know what they want in life, and are still interested in partying, drinking, and sleeping around.

There are exceptions to the rule, but for the most part, I've found that guys in the early 20's bore the snot out of me.

I like a guy that I can really have deep, philosophical, intellectual discussions with and I rarely find that in a youngish male.

I also cannot have children (nor do I desire to adopt), which affects things. A younger man has often not made up his mind whether or not he ever wants kids. An older man has usually come to a conclusion about the issue, one way or another.

For those reasons, I find that my best relationships are with older men.

 

im dating a 21 year old and im 16. we dont even notice unless it is directly brought to my or his attention.

 

Just be careful...even if you are 100% consenting, you could get him in trouble with the law. (I don't know about where you are, but here the age of consent is 17.)

That means that if, for example, your mom got mad at him, then she could have him arrested. In texas, a 21 yr old with a 16yr old can be charged with indecency with a child, sexual assault of a minor, etc EVEN if the younger person is consenting.

 

Of course it depends on the people. I've known some big age gap couples that worked out great.

Of my relationships, the best was the one with the biggest age gap. Sadly, we never got to take it all the way because of the legal age. I know many people have underage sex, but I could not trust her parents not to can me if I did something. But even though we never screwed, it was a great relationship and would have gone far.

 

I've been with my 18 year old girlfriend for 2 years, I am 25, we are very happy together.

 

I think it can work. If two people are complatiable then it's not a bit deal. A lot of people say maturity and stuff is the issue but I'll have you know I once dated a man almost triple my age but I ended up breaking up with him because HE was too immature! So really I think it just comes down to personality and what people want/looking for.

 

age shouldnt matter at all....as long as both of you is in love and you really dont care about the age difference then it shouldnt matter right?