pickup from old journal before laout change
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  1. it has been quite awhile(it feels) since i last made an entry. i feel this one should be more upbeat. where are we now?

    recap
    2009

    going to film school

    december 12th, end of first semester

    hemorrhagic stroke(ruptured brain aneurysm), death(8 minutes recorded)

    2 heart attacks; 1st when ruptured, 2nd upon revival.

    38 day coma

    january 11th, 2010

    told what happened in "their words" and "understanding" -- in a nut shell, i would never walk or stand on my own again, nor create a thing.

    2-3 days later

    moved to nursing home

    8 months later - august 8th

    moved to assisted living

    7 light years forward(this year - jan. 28th) - moved independent
    february - achived medical cannabis license.

    months 3-8 mainly indica strain
    this month sativa

    7 years, 9 months later(today) going back to physical therapy after regaining my center of balance. this tuesday is another PT/OT session. next month botox eval that very well could give me back my affected side over time with treatment.next thursday - going to go back down to my college to further my re enrollment process.
  2. so why can't i? i do not care about other opinions. opinions ARE assholes. not "like". they all smell, are ugly puckered shit spitting confusion. lol.

    i rarely come on hipforums anymore. i only come on to grab content i once posted to share with another. most should know by now my experience. yes, i died for over 8 minutes. i learned more than 1 earth lifetime in that time. for my consciousness was eternal. for earth it was a little over 8 minutes. i learned who my true soul is. i am not religious, nor will i ever be again after my experience. none of religion is very accurate. was i once religious? yes. i learned that yes god exists but not as the bible dictates. i learned yes jesus is real. by now i may have lost several readers, for those that are still here: hi. i welcome you to a new life, how can that be so? walk with me and i can show you. i cant tell you. this is not matrix mumbo jumbo corny shit im talking about. im talking about something more real than it is reading these words on this screen. you can call it your true home for the time being. if you are interested in going back to your true home, although hard, be positive. it can, will, and is inevitable to happen. your time. use it well.
  3. first off,, i do not like bitching or complaining about my problems. i state the facts. what is. their is no, " it is what it is." their is only what is and what isnt. ignorance remains unblissful. ignorance does not know of bliss. many forget that ignorance means: does not know." i am no longer ignorant because of the knowledge i received in my death. i now can easily pick up on the ignorant and hot damn do they not like being found! i have come to the conclusion it takes a shift in focus how to internalize what happens properly. nothing is any one specific person's fault. blame happens a lot and all too frequently. i no longer blame. i put responsibility where it properly belongs so well now - the ones responsible think its blame when it is not.

    i have made a lot of progress since my injury and death. i know its all god's doing. i can take no credit for what god does. i have more faith now than i ever had. i now fear not death but life. i cannot help but notice and take in the knowledge set before me about what earth really is. to cut it short, its unhealthy and poor quality of life.


    can you state what "it" is in ever situation to give any merit to the infamous "it is what it is statement that translates to, " i dont care"? i can tell you that most do not know what "it" is. therefore, it isnt what it is, never was the way it was. most have been fooled into believing an illusion. its not real, therefore its much easier to forgive for me. forgiveness's purpose is so you can move on with your life. it does nothing for the other person. the other person needs t learn how to internalize things more productively. chances are they dont care anyway. now i feel like im rambling and its difficult typing 1 handed now.
  4. i feel as though ive made several comments under this post by now. i have an experience to share that has left me every reason to know god exists.
    this goes out to those who are wondering about what happened to me....

    as described many times before; i had a brain aneurysm burst; shortly after, i had a stroke which was accompanied with my first heart attack ever and of the night. i had a terrible migraine headache that kept building up over the course of several days, this headache started shortly after my 29th birthday on dec. 5th, 2009 and after completeing my first semester back at college(colorado film school). i was at a friends band show that night going out for a cigarette, i had my hand grasping onto my hair on my right side head where my headache was. i felt and heard a loud POP! and my head moved towards the left from the force of the burst vein. i felt blood trickling down my head, felt for blood with my right hand and as i brought my right hand down in front of my face i saw a light see through silhouette of my arm come out of my body and saw NO BLOOD on my hand yet, i still felt blood trickling down my head, thats when i realized the blood trickling was "inside" my head! i thought, "oh crap" as i lost strength on my left side (the stroke). as i was looking forward where i was going, my heart hurt like never before - similar to heart burn, couldnt breathe. i then collapsed collapsed dead.
    if were talking fortunate circumstances now: a worker at the bar found me and rushed inside to tell the manager, " someone is outside on the ground and they dont look so good." a friend of mine from the film school rushed out to stay by my side. the friend who was on stage at this moment found out and called a halt on his performance and came outside where i was at, mind you, he was born without legs and hands so he was needed to be put in his wheelchair to come outside,
    those outside by now just thought i was drunk,
    when he saw me he knew something was wrong because i was just with him about 5 minutes before. he demanded that they should call for help.

    while this stuff was happening my consciousness had left the scene after death pullled upwards towards the tip of the atmosphere directly above where i had collapsed. i was continuely being pulled somewhere, where? i didnt know at that time.
    however, i do remember being pulled through what some call worm holes, these worm holes were filled with colors and different patterns (much like a very deep acid trip for those of you who've tripped acid) i blacked out during this out of body travel and woke up on a beach somewhere completely unknown to me that had a sun setting over the ocean horizon and a brighter sun off to my right in the distance!

    it was warm there and the suns were shining down rays of unconditional love! everything i ever felt guilty for - gone! all the knowledge of the hate, war, lies, manipulation, all those terrible moments we see every day on the news or out on the streets - gone as if they never happened - ever!
    it felt more real there than it does reading these words on this screen!
    8 minutes later (earth time) the paramedics showed up and revived my dead body.
    i woke up from my coma a month later.

    there you have it!

    thats my event that happened that night in a nutshell. to know exactly what i went through - you'd have to experience it for yourself and thats impossible to have an identical situation like that!
    to make this come to an end now; that migraine was the worst headache of my entire life!

    i survived though to tell my story and to try and share that this really isnt the only thing we have!
    consciousness goes on after death!
    i know there are those who firmly believe the "practice" of the doctors that these conscious events after death are a chemical reaction in the brain. ive seen enough first hand that this was an assumption because they didnt know!
  5. Gave up on the paranoid schizophrenic. Too harassing. Hung up the music-getting too old and has lost it's fun. Now I have 3 cats and a cockatiel whose pretty cool. Named him Sully. I don't type things in here that much. Since I shredded my at home journal typing things about what's inside my head feels a little weird. None the less I probably will put something in here from time to time. Need some local friends but I always wonder if there are any out there whom are trustworthy.

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