I had a really strange dream last night. I can't stop thinking about it. I need to write about it.
I dreamt of a big white house, again... not another dream about a white house, but a big house... I dream of houses so often. And they have all these bedrooms and bathrooms, all so interesting. Could they be my multiple faces? Last night, I was walking in the garden and it was like a shore, the sea was rushing to me, calming, serene. I was sitting with my sister, the youngest one, at a table and looking at the bright, almost blinding white of the house, and the sea... but all of a sudden, the shore looked innaccessible... far... and I suddenly found myself on a bus, with my father, looking at a guy surfing the waves, and my dad seemed to find him handsome for me, perfect for me... and I agreed, but the surfer's face was hard to see, and he disappeared far away.
Back to the house... in my room. My dad and I were painting it... or, gluing wallpaper on the walls, rather. Blue wallpaper, sky blue, with an impression of clouds. Then I was gluing pictures of things I liked on the ceillings, but they wouldn't stick. They kept falling. So I decided to removed them all... and wanted to paint the ceilling blue. I don't really like that blue, in real life. Sky blue. But in my dream I was obsessed with it. Wonder why.
And then comes the weirdest part of the dream... I should even call it fucked-up. I hear my door bell, and open the door (to my bedroom, seems like it turned into my home) and this guy, looking incredibly familiar, I think I knew him, years ago, but it was a really negative feeling to see him, and I couldn't remember his name, but I have a feeling it's someone I knew before my accident last summer, where I had a head trauma and lost lots of my recent memories. Well in my dream I was greeting him like I had always known him, and called him by his name but I couldn't hear myself say it, but then I saw fire in his eyes, madness... and he pushed me on the bed and ass-raped me. It was incredibly painful and I would cry and beg him to stop, but he just laughed... telling me he had aids and I would get it too now.
I woke-up crying.
I wonder what all this could mean. Sometimes dreams can reveal pretty interesting stuff to you.
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