was this really to someone else - or myself

/OUCH ! - falling down hurts; gotta get back up !

Sorry about this in advance.
I read the news regularly - insidiously corrosive to spirit though it usually is. So I watch the decline of man. The momentum toward self destruction may not be able to be stopped. How much we will shit over the whole of everything to eke out another penny, multiplied by what now, 8 billion ?
So I don’t wonder that I question whether I wish to continue here, or change the channel to my next incarnation. I begin to lose hope for mankind. Maybe I don’t wish to see what depths they will go to destroy what they can’t control, before and big IF they will Change to become part of the Whole and not attempt to be the controlling interest. And I well understand my desire to be far from population centers, yet have seen through my life that the insidious greed has spread roots near everywhere. It is hard to stay focused amidst the cacophonous mass of writhing humanity seemingly bent on mutual self destruction.
I will get back up again and continue to travail the byways that help me lift mySelf and Grow Awareness. But I am close to recognizing - it’s not going to happen here, in this present environment; or at best will be more difficult than it needs to be.
Sometimes I find myself very happy that this is a temporary Maya, and is Not what the Whole of Existence is like (?} - do I really Know that ? Or do I just have to think that way to keep whatever is left of a positive orientation alive in a reality that doesn’t support it ?
Individually, I can live with and see the opportunities for growing. But mankind ? - does not respect itself let alone the rest, seeking not growth but greater selfangrandizement, that is far out of Balance and disruptive to the Whole (?).
Good that I’m not in charge. Maybe Gaia does know what she’s doing, and can conceive of a better outcome than the direction that the overview of man’s actions would surmise.
And good that this is as close as I come to depression, and get up again to travail on - Yes ! But ....
Guess if it’s to Change, best start with what I can control - me. Maybe I’m the problem, and all will change even as I do.
Well ! ! Merrily Merrily, Life is but a dream (so the song goes). Live as if. Stay True to that almost undefinable Self that represents the higher Awareness (until going Beyond That). The responsibility is not about others but ourSelf - because that’s truly what we affect and maybe even effect.
Thank you for being in my life and heart. It helps. Important to feel Connected. Gives Hope.
One step after the other. Looking back, what a strange journey I’ve travailed. Got to Hope I’ve grown. Guess we’ll know. “By their actions shall you know them”.
Love is the answer.
So I’ll send this, dark though it may seem, it’s not really. Just trying to discern in the high fog of low hanging clouds.
Fly High and Enjoy - why not ? - Laugh !
LOVE
Life is an opportunity and becomes what we make of it
May the Light of Love guide our Way
Namaste {my spirit bows to your spirit}
John loboduro (oldwolf)
nomadhermit Waysharer