A flood of light in my eyes and I'm awakened by the rush of my tears down a wounded face, a face I've held steady in the wake of so much adversity and suffering. I remember I was meditating up in High Point State Park (Northern NJ), feeling the fairy energy in my midst. High school years. Another scene flashing by and I was at Berkfest in Mass. as a teenage girl, experiencing the raining music dropping out of guitars into my wakeful palms. Dancing in a room with a wooden stove in Jerome, AZ with my Prescott College dance teacher. It was forgotten, until I broke apart, brought out of the sacred desert nest into a poisonous and dark metropolis. Three years of modeling in a strange city such as SF and not the slightest presence of peace or light holding me in place. A raincloud of drama, alcohol, estranged pimps, coked out event promoters, and older male mentors wrecking the system, until all my joints swelled and I collapsed from fatigue. Being used for a man's arm, decorative succulent candy. The watchful women in jealous fits raging behind my back at how their boyfriends and husbands were eating up my runway performances. A photographer who I worked with loving my body and spoiling me with trips to Crown Beach in Alameda, disappearing once I said my being wasn't for keeps and I couldn't go on not being promoted or published. The late night in a motel near Union Street where a London businessman who drove an Aston Martin took my drunken yes as a sign to flood me with terrors in a king sized bed. He wondered if I was in fact an escort. I wondered why I had come under that kind of harsh degrading microscope. So many hateful judgmental souls trying to grab my spirit out of its newly established corpse, as I fell into a continual spiritual death. I've come to my knees in desperation, saying to the gods, "Capture my soul in the tide of healing. And so the journey has begun"¦ From brokeness to wholeness, from death to life.. Fire rising in my chest. Ascension and resurrection!
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