Sexual Freedom In A Religious Household

Published by BrokenSafetyPin in the blog I am what I entertain in My Mind. Views: 1299

If there is anyone that is reading this, who has felt the religious shame for thinking about sex, I know your pain.
I unfortunately was introduced to sexual behavior at a VERY young age. It was a period of time where I should have been playing with my dolls and stuffed animals...
But instead I was learning about the male anatomy, and being a living sex doll to the older boys in my neighborhood.
I didn't understand it, but it stayed with me. Over the years, my sexual desires grew to the point where I was stealing my older brothers porn mags just to look and feel myself.
I started to watch porn and hentai at the age of 9. It fascinated me, and I yearned to go to that back room every time we went to the video store. But I felt ashamed. I was raised by Baptists, and in that house, it was easy to get caught with contraband.
I remember in a fit of frustration that I wanted to be seen in the same way as the actresses in their depravity. I wanted to be beautiful. Like them.
I used to yell at my mother that I wanted to be a stripper. Not because of the exploitation, but because in my eyes, they were goddesses. They were worshiped. And all they had to do was dance.
It didn't help that I hit puberty around the same time either. Hormones flooded me and I started to grow boobs. Deep down I was in love with this. To feel like I was one step closer to being older and freer.
But on the outside, I was shy. Embarrassed. I knew what I wanted but I had to hide it from everyone.
I lost my consensual virginity when I was 15. The experience was new and exciting. It didn't make me feel weird and I didn't leave me in a violated heap on the floor.
My parents found out and I wasn't allowed to do anything in my free time. I had to sit downstairs with them until bedtime. To be the good girl. To recite bible verses about sinning over and over again until the words felt like nothing. Not even words.
But inside I was screaming, and crying.
And it happened every. Single. Time. I was caught out.

Every time a boy showed sexual interest in me, and I wanted to reciprocate, I was "The whore."
So I shelled myself deeper. I swallowed my frustrations in an attempt to vanquish it.
Until recently, that is exactly what I did. I stopped watching porn. I stopped looking at magazines. I stopped everything, including most sexual actions, even with my husband.
I love him so much for sticking it out with me, as he has a ferocious sexual appetite. He stapled me as a prude, and I suffered with that, knowing if only I could just unlock everything to him, I could prove to him just how hard it was to hold back.
And I did just that.
Ladies and gentlemen, my sexual re awakening led this prudish Sub, to Dominate the bedroom.
And I felt fantastic.
So please find someone, and if you have that someone but you feel like you just can't talk about anything...JUST DO IT.
I wished I had done this years ago.
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