Polyamorous Beginnings: A Special Friend
"A friend should be one in whose understanding and virtue we can equally confide, and whose opinion we can value at once for its justness and its sincerity." - Robert Hall
Over the past month and a half I have been exploring a new relationship with an old friend. I mentioned him in my last blog, expressing my value in his friendship and uncertainty on how he would interact with me. Our distance makes it difficult to see each other, though he has seemed to make our get-togethers just as much of a priority as I do, as we have seen each other 4 times in the past 6 weeks. Even in those short hangout sessions (aside from the last one ), we seem to have fallen into a natural rhythm together. To avoid confusion, I will refer to this new gentleman as Cuba.
I am normally attracted to very vocal, boisterous men. Men who think on their toes and shut down an argument quicker than you can butt-in. Men that are constantly communicating how they feel and what they are thinking. I've learned this is mostly a subconscious thing from my childhood because I was always the abused by my step-parents, while my parents sat "powerless" to say anything. My husband doesn't and would never allow that. It's something I felt I needed in my long term partner. It's those minds that seem to attract me to their world because I appreciate that kind of forwardness, honesty, and courage.
Maybe it's because I have accepted that part of myself. Maybe I realized those irrational damaging assumptions that my own issues were connecting with those qualities was harming my relationships. Regardless, Cuba is very different from most males I've been interested in. Not in lacking courage, in the least bit. I've dated plenty of cowards. It's simply that he seems to carry all of his assertiveness in his demeanor. While his personality is quite laid back and a bit passive, he expresses assertiveness very subtly. There's something quite attractive and intriguing about his incredibly quiet nature. His silence, more of a tranquil resistance than a lack of confidence, as he has no issues being loud and boisterous with my husband when they are together, nor on stage or in other social situations. I have been attracted to his energies for several years now, so the fact that I am having the opportunities to explore this is a fantastic feeling.
As I said, we fell into quite a natural rhythm together, especially after our last evening together. Our physicality came much more naturally than I was expecting. We broke a lot of ground "playing" together earlier in the week. I'm not certain how much of an emotional connection will occur, as he seems somewhat closed emotionally. His attractive but laid back demeanor has stuck him in some really odd and unfair situations, which kind of baffles me. Granted, he seems to have no problem walking away from said situations, it still makes me sad that I can see how his particular demeanor could result in that pattern. All in all, it seems to have shut him down and he now enjoys his solitude more than anything. He has a major plate full of responsibilities and works incredibly hard to maintain each one.
He deserves some kind of happiness and appreciation in his life. A shoulder he can turn to and someone that he knows cares. I feel that maybe it is arrogant of me try and be that for him when I have a husband. Maybe it is, but I can rest assured knowing that he doesn't have to feel bound in this situation. I want to give him all the freedom my husband and I have and never feel stuck doing this. I want to ride this out and enjoy it as long as we can. I really enjoy time with him and I can't help but hope I can explore his mind more. That and he doesn't seem to be complaining at the moment. It would just be really nice to open him up a little more. I wouldn't mind seeing into his heart a little bit, I just feel I should tread carefully in that zone as he seems very guarded in that sense.
Really, my goal in this is to simply make him feel known and cared for. I want to give him something to look forward to and a reassurance that he has somewhere to turn to if he needs someone. The rest of me is learning to let go of expectations.
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