Lessons

Published by oldwolf in the blog oldwolf's Blog. Views: 423

(a wee edit - this was written long ago to my children as they came early to the time when they made their own choices)


Lessons

By the actions we take we choose the lessons we learn.

At a certain point one must go beyond the known, beyond the safe, and venture into the territory that encompasses the individual life. To do so nesecitates going on one's own.

As a parent one tries to keep the aspirant on the Path of easiest growth, i.e. the Path which will, with least hindrance, bring one to optimal growth. As a parent one must let go, and indeed even seem to push the offspring on the Path of their own choosing, when it becomes obvious that such autonomous choices are being made.

As the aspirant first goes on their own, a safety net is provided, with time the safety net is pushed away and refused. This is a period of transition. The student chooses autonomously yet tries to remain enfolded in the cocoon of safety that was once part of the guiding parents responsibility to offer. There is both a pushing away and a nostalgic grasping for that which they can no longer have. It is not possible to make one's own choices and duck the responsibility inherent in the choosing.

During this period of transition friction between what the parent wants for the aspirant and what the aspirant chooses for himself become apparent. If the parent pushes their will on the aspirant there will be rebellion. If the aspirant tries to hold the parent in the place of responsibility when the choices are their own, then resentment ensues. Eventually, both must let go.

Often letting go has the appearance of rejection, and to a certain extent it is. The aspirant does reject the guidance of the parent. The parent does reject responsibility of the choices of the aspirant. To NOT offer that mutual rejection causes a unhealthy dependence that inhibits the further growth of both parties. Any lessons learned under the cloud of that codependency must be relearned over again as a responsible individual. Most lessons hit harder the second time around.


Watching a child go through the necessary steps to follow their own Path often involves watching them throw away what the parent thought were their best choices. The child wants protection from their choices which can no longer be given, the parent wants to direct the choices of the child and can no longer do so. It is important at this time for the parent to let go of their own aspirations for the child AND stop taking
responsibility for their actions, so that the child can get true feedback on the choices they are making ; and for the child to stop putting expectations on the parent and move on to their own life - apart from the parents. Realization must be made: nobody loses, everybody wins.

How do we judge what is best to do? Look to the heart. Learn to Listen. Any time we cop out, any time we take the easy way, any time we do not do what we Know is needed; we are Not following the Heart. We are Always given an Answer If we ask. As we follow up on what we are given, the Way becomes clearer; and often we are able, after a time of Doing that which we Know is "right", to See why we are given the tasks that take us where we begin to realize we wish to go.
Even as constantly following the heart leads us to the Path that is ours, and becomes the Joy of our life; so also Not following the Heart leads to confusion, hurt, anger, blame, and eventual rejection of all that is offered us. Life is Good though and at any time we can suffer a realization, become enlightened (however temporarily) and change; or slip into backsliding and regress back even further than we were before we came into this life.


By the actions we take we chose the lessons we learn.



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