KADDISH: קַדִּישׁ - Holy or Sanctification

Who determines for whom we mourn?

When my father passed away and I had to cross the country to reach my family someone (who didn't know who had died) asked me, "Was this someone you were close to."

I said, "No."

Conversation continued and the person finally learned that the deceased was my father.

"What? I asked you if it was someone close!"

He was close to me if you are looking at the ancestral tree. But I hadn't spoken to him in over a decade. We had nothing in common, and he was difficult to communicate with. Always angry. Always critical. Always ready to pick a fight or to remind me that I was subordinate. So, I learned to live without. I left the family home while I was still in college and somehow managed to pay bills, work part time, and do without. I never felt the absence.

Years later I had developed friendships. Some were men and some were women. Two of my oldest and dearest friends became my plus-one. Both of them are no longer in my life because they have gone to the great beyond. Neither has been replaced. These days, there aren't many parties to which I am invited wherein I would need a plus-one.

Before xMas of last year (2024) a friend of mine in Ohio died. He had internal bleeding and--I guess--he bled out. He was what would clinically be referred to as 'One Great Big Hot Mess!' I wanted to help save him, but he never quite felt comfortable with or around me. I never judged. Well, he knew that drugs weren't allowed around me... maybe that was judgment to him.

Truth be told, I would have said Kaddish for him. He wasn't Jewish. It's the only Mourner's Prayer I know. When I think about it, why should we have to wait for someone who is ancestrally or legally close to us to die before we pray in 13th century Aramaic about the virtues of the King of Kings?

I miss my friends. I sometimes wish we could still talk. Who even knows if our spirits will meet in the hereafter?

Well, at least I have my earthly memories.

RIP, FDR, Dear Friend!