Jumbo Prawns

Something is different.

It's only different on some of the days, and those days are victories, I guess. Or I can count the days when it all goes back to how it was before as utter failures--failures which reset my counter to zero.
But do I need a hard counter? Maybe I'm realizing that I can coexist with the prawns, but only when it isn't fogging my mind. When I'm not engulfed in the constant obsession, and my mind is free to think about all the other things in life I need to do/start/finish/wash the dishes, then I think it's ok to indulge from time to time.

I cheated on my birthday. And I cheated on Sunday. Am I just convincing myself it's ok because the addiction is too strong? Or can it actually work?

But at least it's not always on my mind like it was before. The impulses are still there. I get the idea to google something and have to tell myself I'm not doing that anymore. The difference is that the thoughts and images and ideas aren't constantly distracting me. Well, I guess I should specify that it's not those thoughts and ideas, just different ones, but at least these are irl ones, and not the usual shit.

Onward, ho!