If I Don't Ask, It's Not Because I'm Not Interested

I say this to both girls and boys.

As one of the folks who has been living on the planet for a number of decades, I've learned that some questions are best left unsaid. There are phenomena that have reunited me with people whom I hadn't seen in a number of years. Examples of this might be a cousin who moved to the other side of the country and who then reappeared at a family wedding or funeral. Another could be a high school friend who went away to college, got married, had kids, and lived in suburbia somewhere. We'd meet at a high school reunion.

I have had such instances. When the person in question is female, has a different last name, and is the mother of one or more children, there might be an assumption--based on American conventions--that there was a man at some point in her life.

If there are no pictures, no references to him, and no mentions of his family, I generally don't ask about that person. If his name doesn't appear during that period I called "catch up" (which I pronounce as ketchup), then I don't ask.

"It's not that I'm not interested in hearing about every aspect of your life. It's just that some stories are painful or embarrassing. They may also arise ire. I don't want to ask you something that you don't want to talk about. Also, I don't want to take responsibility for knowing something that is hurtful to you. If you want me to know, you will tell me... in your own time."

Most humans find this practice settling. So I keep it as my modus vivendi.