Again I have drunk two bottles of wine in one night. I am addicted, see.
Last night I vaguely remember going to bed. Well, I mean, I went to sleep on my living room sofa. Cuz that is where I sleep nowadays. I haven't slept in my actual bed since early last year.
However at some point I woke up sitting at my desk chair in front of my blank computer screen, and I vaguely remember getting up from the sofa in some weird semi-sleep consciousness, thinking for some reason that I needed to look at my computer...
Prolly cuz I was thinking/dreaming about something I needed to do for work...
I got my ass back to my sofa at that point. I woke up when my alarm went off, cuz that was when I needed to get up and take my youngest daughter to her voice lesson.
You want to know what "everything" refers to.
I don't blame you. You saw the title to this particular piece of self-flagellation, and naturally you hoped for this title to lead to some form of narrative fulfillment. As is only right.
It is just that life is always everything. Always we are reviewing, reviewing, reviewing everything always, looking for the fucking key. Right? Looking for the fucking answer that is going to make all this shit finally make some kinda sense.
Some of you remember a philosophical viewpoint called existentialism. Wherein: Everybody needs to find her/his personal meaning for his/her life experience.
What was the meaning of me waking up in the early morning finding myself sitting at my blank computer screen after having previously gone to sleep in my usual sleeping location?
Well if I gave you the answer, what fun would that be?
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