more of a realization than an awareness
come to realize that I am sexually bi-polar.
How my personality changes as I close the door and drop my panties for my man.
This man. The man that was so magnetic in his confidence. His aggression. and, his arrogance.
This man that knew how to make me laugh and know when to take me home.
This man that held me in his arms out in the parking lot and kissed me hard as he grew against my crotch.
I so enjoy unwrapping these men. The best part of sex. The touching. The kissing. The petting. and the unwrapping.
Oh. To see a new lover at first sight. And. To have that reality supercede my fantasy. The one that fed my fingers.
And, in that dimly lit bedroom of mine (I am such a drama queen. candles. incense. red lights and weed) somehow I end up in the driving seat.
All of that machismo is swept away as I guide him physically. verbally. sexually. And, it always takes me by surprise.
I want my man to be strong. assertive. controlling almost -
But, in my bed, I unconsciously change the dynamic. Like standard procedure. Selfishly getting "my way".
Oral for me. Oral for him. Oral for me. Missionary. Doggie. Cowgirl.
Cowgirl to the extreme. Leaning forward to let gravity do it's thing. Then grinding him to the edge of ecstasy. Leaning back to extend that ecstasy.
Eyes closed so I can hear his breathing and moaning. Eyes closed so I can feel his pulse and his expansion. Eyes closed so I can "position" him.
I discovered all of this by mistake with my ex-fiance. By accident. I lost balance while I was on top.
Kinda fell back. Caught myself. And, had a hard time regaining my position.
My Evan exploded with such force. with an "OH FUCK!" that I realized a "new move".
Every aspect directed by me. By suggestion. By positioning. By mounting. and, eventually, by demanding.
Who is this person?
When she closes the door. All that cool confidence that I exhibited. All that showing off.
All that overt flirting. Falls to the floor like that trail of clothes leading to her bedroom.
Take me. Tease me. Tell me what to do. Whatever you want. I want to do that now. For you. All for you.
Kiss me hard. Grab my ass. Cup my tits. Make me moan into your mouth.
OMG! I want this now!!!
Rip my clothes off. The outfit I meticulously pickled from like a dozen stores. Displayed on my bed. This combo. That combo. No that one.
The shoes with the stockings with the bra and panties all accentuating the dress. Always the dress. From the inside out.
And, all that covers me. Lingerie between me and her. Her. Always naked. Always holding. Guiding my head towards "that spot".
Still in my heels. Still wanting to join her. Skin on skin.
It is always her guiding. whispering. lifting. yelling. moaning. dominating me in every way.
AND, I LOVE IT!!!
Who is this person?
And, how did I get here?
I was there last Friday nite. Last Saturday morning.
And, I will be there again.
That is me
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