Another sad rant about sex life

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by jaden_tristan, Jul 4, 2005.

  1. jaden_tristan

    jaden_tristan Member

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    I've been awake for about 36 hours, very tired, very depressed. So I figured maybe this would help me vent some of my depression and frustration. First off, I love sex. Not fucking, Not boning, No screwing, but sex. Love making first and foremost. I'm the kind of guy whos into kissing, foreplay, seductive oral, things like that. I don't like to jump on someone and start hammering away. Well, as of a year and 3 months now I've lived with my girlfriend of 2 years and her father. I had to leave home at 16 (now 18) because of a big family issue so they took me in.... 750 miles away lol. My problem is my girlfriend Jamie. I love her to death.

    After a few visits back and forth from ohio to missouri, we started having sex, and it was incredible, I got blueballs just thinking about her ya know. Shes not that supermodel (altho I'm not into silicone and plastic >_>) shes a slighty husky girl, curly blonde hair, perfect white teeth, baby blue eyes etc. We would have sex 2, 3, or 4 times a day! Well, about 6 months ago, hell, even before that, things just got really dull. When we have sex she wants everything to be silent, no music, no moaning or dirty talk, it's like those things are off limits.

    She really only does the whole missionary thing with the occasional her ontop of me.. and that only goes for like 3 minutes before she wants on bottom again. She acts like she detests giving blowjobs, but when I go down on her, shes pulling my hair and and grinding my face down etc. which I think is really unfair. Another thing is, even when she "cums", she wants me to go down on her until she comes down from her "climax high", but she refuses to do the same to me. I know clear and well not every girl enjoys the taste of seman, thats obvious, but she acts as if the seman that would drip onto her hand and such is some sort of tissue eating poison thats about to kill her.

    Anymore she acts totally uninterested in sex, and my sex drive is so nonexistant I honestly don't think I could get an erection if I tried. It's really upsetting me. I love her to death and I know the feeling is mutual but the sex drive is just dead. Since all this started every night I'm on the net, or practicing with myself, to last longer, or read up on tips that might make things more pleasureable, new positions etc and still nothing. I think I got her to 69 with me like twice but the entire time I was going down on her I think she touched my penis twice. And I SWEAR I think it was on accident, like she brushed against it or something [​IMG]

    Foreplay to her is jerking me like mad then me "fucking her" until I come. I do not care to, or even enjoy in the slightest, to get off, knowing she didnt cum as well. And when I bring anything like this up, she acts so offended like "oh so I'm not good enough?" or the pity card like "I'm sorry I'm no good etc" but I find her sincerity lacking... The last 2 months we've even attempted to have sex I've not been able to get a firm erection, and when I do it's gone as soon as I put the condom on. I just don't know what to do. Please no flaming this, but at the same time don't give me the pat on the back and say there there. Am I doing something wrong here? Have I not got the right point of view on this , or am I being totally over paranoid.... any ideas guys and girls?
     
  2. mhr

    mhr Member

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    Funny when people answer their own questions and too blind to see it. When people have no self control they tend to overdo things. You used her up like a cheap whore man, what do you expect?
     
  3. Crayola

    Crayola =)

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    i think it'd be easy to say "your girl is selfish", cuz it sounds like she only cares about her pleasure and not yours, but i have the impression that its more like, (dont laugh), she's somewhat afraid of your penis. when u describe the 69 episode, jeez man i can only say u're extra nice with your girl..

    ok what u have to do is : tell her all that. =)
    if shes not too stupid she should listen to u cuz yes, thexual osmosis is very important in a relationship.
    and everything will be aaaalright
     
  4. jaden_tristan

    jaden_tristan Member

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    OK, first @ mhr, I said no flaming. And before you go off making such claims and acting a fool, she was the one who was so into sex. Shes the one who couldnt stop lubricating >_>. So infact, She was the one pressuring for sex so often, and not me.Shes the reason I'm so into sex. We lost our virginity to each other. So do me a favor and unless you have something to say pertaining to what I asked, don't post please. Thanks.

    @ Crayola
    ... why would she be afraid of it? :( Nothing wrong with it or anything... and she sure as hell wasn't afraid of penis's before we start going out because I was her number one source to tell all her wonderful sexual experiances, namely going down on ppl and them going down on her etc.
     
  5. SkeeterVT

    SkeeterVT Member

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    Sorry to say, I have to agree, up to a point. You and your girlfriend overdid it. Sex three to four times a day is too much. Your girlfriend is burnt out. You're going to have back off and give your girlfriend plenty of time to "recharge her batteries," even it that takes weeks or months.

    And you could use the downtime yourself, lest you burn yourself out before you turn 20.

    Everything in moderation -- including making love.

    -- Skeeter
     
  6. jaden_tristan

    jaden_tristan Member

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    :mad: Ok people, If it were that simple I wouldn't have poster. When we first started having sex yes it was, indeed, her suggestion. She was the one every 3 freakin hours wanted to fool around and have sex. She was in a sense, kind of a nympho i guess you could call it. She was raised as a strict pentacostle, so best I can figure is, since she had the opportunity, she basically released all her pent up frustration out on my genitals... lol. I really dislike it when people assume that problems in sex ESPECIALLY too much sex, are automatically the guys fault.
     
  7. jaden_tristan

    jaden_tristan Member

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    double post, sorry
     
  8. SkeeterVT

    SkeeterVT Member

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    Too bad, buddy. It takes two to tango and the fact remains that although it was HER idea, you never once said "No." Ergo, you BOTH overdid it. You have to accept responsibility for your girlfriend's burnout. If you had said, "Whoa!" and slowed things down, she wouldn't be burnt out now, would she?

    -- Skeeter
     
  9. jaden_tristan

    jaden_tristan Member

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    That isn't the problem at hand >_< Your taking one section of the entry and criticising that and that only. The problem at hand is why she deems in necessary to want me to pleasure here whenever she wants, but acts like pleasuring me in return is such a chore, and a waste of time. And further more why she won't openly talk about the subject. What my entire entry ment was. She took such an avid stance at sex with me, and then all at once cut "me" our of the sex to the point where I'll pleasure her when she wants, usually 1 to 2 times a day, but hell, she cant even take the 5 minutes to give me a handjob even if i asked.

    Edit*
    I apologize for all the gramatical errors and spelling mistakes. Very tired. Deprived of cigarettes >_<
     
  10. SkeeterVT

    SkeeterVT Member

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    Do yourself a favor and get some sleep. . .You've been awake for over 36 hours. We can discuss this further tomorrow, after you're well-rested.

    -- Skeeter
     
  11. jaden_tristan

    jaden_tristan Member

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    I think I'll do that, but please try to focus the problem at hand. If she's burnt out I understand good and well it's partially my fault for happening, but its not whats wrong. The problem for me is, I feel shafted ya know. I go out of my way to please the woman I love so dearly, and her to basically refuse me like it's not important to me. Then become so dodgy at discussing it. I feel very refused and inadequate because of it. She had no problem before this. I think it's possibly because I showed her I put her feelings and pleasure before myself, and she took advantage of that knowing that regardless of what she did with me, I'd still do what I could for her.
     
  12. mhr

    mhr Member

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    Well, first of all, I didn't flame, but the truth can often burn huh? Second of all, it's clear you are still blind to the cause of your problem. It don't really matter though who used who like a cheap whore.

    Let me enlighten you here. It's called.. NOTHING LEFT!! Your situation is hardly anything new. Maybe she expects you to finally ask her to marry you, but you'd rather continue using her like a cheap whore.
     
  13. ihmurria

    ihmurria fini

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    mhr wasn't flaming, just stating an opinion. Please don't turn into one of those posters who has to refute every suggestion/opinion posted because it doesn't fit with your own personal viewpoint.

    My thoughts? There are some things some people just don't like. I hate being on top, and I hate 69. They're both very awkward for me, sometimes painful, and far from erotic. But I try to make that clear to my partner.

    Try and sit down with her and talk it out again. It's not going to be fun or pretty, I can guarantee you that. Start off with something like "I'm not trying to blame you, or say you're awful in bed, but we're having some problems there". If nothing else, don't give her that pleasure again... sounds like your hand is more effective than her anyways.
     
  14. Gats

    Gats Member

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    Ok so let me get this straight. Your having sex many times a day/ you have a very good girl friend/ she LETS YOU SUCK ON HER/ she is a girl you love and she loves you/ WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?

    I am sorry to say but I would kill myself just to be able to have a girl say she even likes me!!! And your saying that all that is not good enough for you?
     
  15. jaden_tristan

    jaden_tristan Member

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    I'm not trying to "refute" every suggestion, but the idea of using her like a cheap whore?! Thats very disrespectful to ME to even suggest as it's untrue in it's entirety. I can't be using her like a cheap whore when 1) I'm not gettin anything done for me, and 2) When shes the one that sits and asks and convinces me to do things to her. Whore? no, More or less trying to make me do what she wants without giving me the same common curtisy. And somehow that makes me bad? I'm sorry but even that suggetsion leads me to believe your just posting random advice and pressing it as hard as you can instead of looking at the real issue at hand. I've seen posts where woman talk about how dull their sex life is and stuff, and it's always the "there there" kind of thing. I'm just failing to understand how it's my fault that a person with what seems now absolutly no regard for my feelings demands sexual satisfaction, and refuses to return the favor? I'm not tryin to be an ass or disrespectful I just can't find any logic in what you're saying.
     
  16. jaden_tristan

    jaden_tristan Member

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    In a nut shell - The relationship was wonderful. We had so much fun, not just with sex.
    *Time elapses*
    The *me* in me and her is removed from the sexual end of the relationship.
    I believe in equality in a relationship as well as the bedroom.
    I'm not getting it.
    Shes getting all the pleasure.
    ----------------------------
    How is that using her like a whore?
    How is that burning her out? If shes burnt out she wouldn't be nagging me to do things with her.
    And Imagine getting so turned on everytime you do something to a girl, and then NOTHING HAPPENS. No release. You have to admit. It is unfair that she gets stimulation from me when she wants. And I've got nothing in well over a month now it seems. BlueBalls anyone? And masturbation doesn't cut it in these situations.
     
  17. Bluesbilly Dave

    Bluesbilly Dave Member

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    I have no idea why your girlfriend is acting like she is,but if it's any consolation I think mhr is talking out of his ass.Assuming he's being serious.
    You gotta keep talking to her until you find out what's up,or at least until she understands your point of view.If you're not receiving pleasure and therefore you're resenting giving her pleasure,then stop doing it.fer crissakes.Maybe that will get her attention.
    Meanwhile,try to stop stressing yourself out,and get back to a normal sleep/food schedule.Having a unsatisfying sex life is not the end of the world.
     
  18. ihmurria

    ihmurria fini

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    thus far, you are refuting every point people have made. Hey, maybe that'll change, who knows.

    here's more advice for you to deem to be "random advice and pressing it as hard as you can instead of looking at the real issue at hand". NONE of us will know what the -real- issue at hand is because we aren't you or your partner. That's the underlying fault in asking random internet people for advice in your life - we aren't there, we don't see everything, we just get a couple paragraphs from one persons viewpoint on the situation.
    That said, my advice would be TALK it out, like I already said or else go to a counsellor about it. Couples counsellor, sex therapist, WHATEVER. None of us net folks will be able to help you two out like someone who's trained and can see you two interact can.

    I never said it wasn't an unfair situation, I was just trying to clarify that there are some positions that people simply do not enjoy (which you were complaining about the 69'ing and your girl being on top). They can be awkward for some women. 69'ing is awful for me, since I'm quite short compared to any partners I've had. Being on top makes my arthritis in my hips flare up badly, making it painful not pleasureable. ASK your girl why she doesn't like action x, maybe you'll get a real answer instead of asking for the speculations of folks on the net.
     
  19. jaden_tristan

    jaden_tristan Member

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    ihmurria, i wasn't targeting those comments at you, I understand what your saying. I've tried talking it out with her and she keeps pushing the subject back. And when she does give me some kind of answer, it's a hollow "Im sorry ill do better" which if you could hear her, lacks any sort of sincerity. I know mhr is talking out of his ass. It's just frustrating when you are asking for serious help and such and you get those people who act like since its not their problem, why be serious about it. And ihmurria, the only point i've refuted was the fact that I'm supposedly "treating her like a whore". If theres been another I'd be more than glad if you pointed it out. This is what I didn't want to happen. I wanted serious posts about the situation and only 3 or 4 or the posts even have anything to do with it. The others are about mhr's first post. I may not know exactly whats wrong, but MHR, i know what ISNT wrong, and i'm not treating her with disrespect or for my own sexual morals, in any way shape or form.
     
  20. mhr

    mhr Member

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    I'm not talking out of my ass, but as usual it's easy to dismiss a persons opinion just because it's not delivered with a nice coat of sugar.

    Look man, you two aren't married and not engaged so there is absolutely no commitment made by either one of you (this is why I quoted your girlfriend remark). If you can't figure out how that comes in to play, I surely won't be able to explain it to you without writing a book. Do some reading on how sex, love and marriage all work together to make the whole experience something real instead of something cheap.

    Also, you have been pounding that puss 2-4 times a day, what the hell did you expect to happen? You talk about not liking to screw, bone or fuck, but let me enlighten you once again... that's exactly what your doing.

    Quit being a puss yourself and stop thinking with your pecker. Straighten up and be a man and start treating her with some respect. Pleasuring her and letting her cum first is not what the hell I'm talking about either. Try NOT HAVING SEX WITH HER for a change and finding something else to do. Show her some respect out of the damn bedroom or backseat or wherever it is you keep sticking it to her. That's why I said you are treating her like a cheap whore because you keep taking every time it's available. Get some respect for yourself also and quit acting like a little boy who lost his play toy. Seems your more interested in how to get her to fuck you back instead of how to gain her respect and solve the root of the problem.

    Peace Out!
     

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