Father issues

I just saw this thread.

*applause* to Matt for starting it!

I am a new father (baby is due in about 5 months) and I am very happy.
I post periodically on another fathering forum, which is pretty good: http://www.celebratingfathers.com

It's so important for there to be dialogue among fathers. One good father can make generations of future good fathers and mothers. I'm glad that the hipforums has gotten to talking about this.

 

Two words of advice. BUY DIAPERS!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're gonna need 'em!!!
Another two words for you. GOOD LUCK!

 

Let me say what this thread is FOR. It is for Fathers, who need or have advice for OTHER Fathers. This forum, has been MOSTLY for all you Moms. THIS is for the GUYS. Of course, Mom's advice is welcome. But, it should be asked for by Dad. Single Fathers, PLEASE! Speak Up!

 

I grew up with a step dad and we weren't that close... but seeing my daughter and my husband's bond..it makes me so happy cuz I've always wanted my daughter to have a good bond with her father... Lilys definietly daddy's girl!

 

Great to hear, Lily. That is what I want to hear. DAD can do just as good a job at raising kids as Mom can. Sometimes better.

 

Ivy is my daughter; she is 6 months and 14 days. Her father calls about once every week or two from SC to check on her. He says he misses her. He says it's not right for me to keep her so far away from him. He says I should come back to SC (from WV) so that he won't miss her growing up. He doesn't have a job or any way in which to support us. In WV, I have a steady income and food, shelter, love, etc. Should I be feeling so guilty about depriving a father from his daughter and vice versa??? Thought ya'll might have a thought on this issue...

 

No you shouldn't. He needs to stand up, and be not only a MAN, but a Dad too.
There is a big difference between being a Father, and being a Dad. YOU do whatever it takes to raise the little one.

 

Really, it's his place to stand up and take some responsiblity. If he really wants to see his daughter he'll do what it takes. This may sound surprising if you read my link post but really, at least you've got good reasons, unlike my case.

edt: which is forthcoming shortly, the hipforums got all goofy on me. sure is taking a long time to load stuff and reply.

 

Hi guys. Originally I had a very long post(s) about where I'm at as a dad but instead I just dropped it on geocities. If you have the time and want to read it:

My Short Story

I think that there really should be a 'Fathers' forum unto itself, and perhaps not just a sticky. After perusing the parents forum, it would seem that it really is dominated by the moms (no offense moms) but you're right, what about us dads? I have a 15 year old son, that comes with some father stuff and covers some territories that it might be tough for a mom to adress.

 

Wait a minute... NO, she shouldn't feel guilty. Her child needs stability, not a jackass sperm donor. As a wommon, thumbs up to being a great mom who supports her daughter. Let her dad move up to you.

 

Well I'm not the one who started this thing but I feel obligated to comment on that description of 'jackass sperm donor'. That is so incredibly derogatory and debasing to someone you don't even know. It takes two to tango. Maybe that guy just needs a few brothers to have a talk with him mano e mano, maybe he's confused about this turn in life, there's a whole realm of things that weren't described in the original post. It's unfortunate that male bashing exists as it is, but to spread it in a 'fathers forum' is downright childish.

 

"Cooldaddy" is right. THIS thread (Hopefully one day a Forum) is to HELP males be better Fathers and even be a DAD. You know I feel there is a difference between the two. But, there's a point when one has to just give up and realize a man will NEVER be a Dad. Unfortunately, some guys just don't want nor can they handle the responsibilities.
Those are the ones you're better off WITHOUT.

 

my father has a split personality, one minute hes jokign around and the next(most of the time for the littlest things) and when hes in that bad mood he will break things, say nasty things to me. after that i dont talkt o him for a week or two, the whole time hes being nice as usual witch pisses me off, he thinks he can talk to me like that and give me a hug the next day. im always tryign to be nice and peacfull to everyone but dam he makes it hard. so uh, scicne your some sort of superdad or somthing, you got any advice on what i could do to avoid myself from throwing his a swing one day? thanks.

 

Use "Reverse Phsycology" on him. Like parents do.
Ignore the Negative behavior, and REWARD the positive. When he is GOOD to you, pay attention to him. Ignore hime when he's bad. Grown men are basically grown-up-Little-Boys. Try and let us know. Okay, Phoenix?

 

This was a recent post elsewhere on the forums.
http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=74213&page=1&pp=10

Dads, how do YOU feel about this subject? Moms, I'm sorry. I don't want YOUR opinions on this. Dad's only please.

 

I wanted mine to learn the truths about what "Protection" means these days. Pregnancy would only be a minor inconvenience compared to HIV. Both good reasons for proper education.

 

We would ALL love for them NOT to have sex until they mature more in the common sense department. But, you know? WE were once thier age. Just teach them RIGHT is all I'm saying.

 

im a daddy of 11 years, and myself a child who has a dad and a father. first i would like to say that being a sperm doner dosent make you a daddy, action is what make a daddy. when you give up your life to raise another, you then can be called a parent, or in our case a dad. my real father is a selfish jerk with about 8 to ten kids he never raised. i myself have good wife and three children, one boy and two girls we travel in our home all over the country. we homeschool all our children and ourselves, we are always learning somthing new. with the topic of sex i was 18 when it first happen to me, adn when my children are mature enough i hope they will use protection. all children are diferent and the age of maturity is diferent. having girls i cant say that i ever want them to have sex, there sweet little angels but they will grow up. i think that 18 is a legal age for alot of things but once again all people mature at diferant rates.my goal is to be a good example to my children. I do have some anger issues, but have never actually got physical with them, just need to quit yelling. I want my children to be there own individual people, and have the relationship with me and my wife I didn't have with my parents. A bad parent is usually better than no parent, and if I lived in SC without a job, i would hightail it to where my children were, because they are most important to me.

 

That's all any of us can really DO, Papabear. The best we can. Here's a trick I use to get my anger under control if I find myself yelling at someone. Look into thier eyes while you're doing it. You'll see right away how it makes them feel. There's a SHOCK to the mind if there ever was one!
Simple behavior modification is all that is.

 

thanx for info, my wife thinks it might be good for me to try. it does help to have a peer rather than a spouse to talk to. i hope more papas get involved. we need each other for support. the ladies rule this forum, but not this thread.