If You Could Say Anything To Customers

Discussion in 'The Whiners' started by Mister Liam, Sep 21, 2017.

  1. Ged

    Ged Tits and Thigh Man.

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    'Why won't you buy my painting for £500? It took me two weeks. That's less than minimum wage!
     
    GeorgeJetStoned likes this.
  2. scratcho

    scratcho Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    "Your presumptuous taking of our time is greatly appreciated. I'm sure your decision not to use our fine services is based on careful consideration."

    YOU DUMB SON OF A BITCH! ( A little card I carry, but have never used.)
     
  3. Tyrsonswood

    Tyrsonswood Senior Moment Lifetime Supporter

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    What are you, some kind of fuckin' moron?
     
  4. RainyDayHype

    RainyDayHype flower power Lifetime Supporter

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    Why are you such a giant ****?
    Or
    Your mom should have had an abortion..
    But I'm really good at customer service and I actually believe in following the notion that the customer is always right..keeps things peaceful..
     
  5. Driftrue

    Driftrue Banned

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    I agree. I don't think the customer IS always right, but I get more pleasure in being endlessly tolerant than in saying what I'm thinking. Perhaps because I used to be very much the opposite and I feel like it's a skill I've learned. It definitely leaves me feeling better about myself than when I used to express my irritation (which I was damn good at doing without being so overt that they could complain)
     
  6. GeorgeJetStoned

    GeorgeJetStoned Odd Member

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    Retail sales was the worst. Too often I KNEW the "customer" was returning their DVD recorder because they couldn't figure it out. It couldn't possibly be that they spent the weekend bootlegging hundreds of copies of The Erotic Adventures of Candy to sell to tourists. The wear marks on the buttons tell a tale.

    During this time I was in college and working for a big box electronics retailer, in a mall. I was also using uppers (antiquated term for a whole spectrum of problems) and stressing hard. This had me working extra hours to score more sales (and money). I won awards for selling! Thank God there are no rewards for dealing with refunds (which kept me from making sales and came off my commission if I sold it.

    To relieve the stress, I took to keeping a 3X5 card box of these people. To see if there were any patterns. Oddly, I found several. The store manager said to keep a lid on it. What I didn't know at the time was the real margin the store was operating on and how trivial a refund, even for several hundred bucks, was not worth worrying about. Even if it was some local con artist.

    So, I took the 3X5 card box (known to the crew as George's Slam Box) home every night. And if I got particularly drunk, I'd walk down to a row of pay phones that were set up for the nearby college dorms to bilk money from students. They were nearly anonymous. I'd pick a card for someone who had really pissed me off before leaving with their cash and a smirk (that I wanted to wipe on the floor SO badly). I usually waited several months, but not always. Especially if they pissed off someone from another store.

    There's something about calling people at 2AM. They're instantly pissed, so you don't have to do much to send them over the edge. I knew I hit paydirt when they threatened my life. Fucking music to my ears. The effect it had was amazing. All my stress was fading away. I could concentrate on sales and my addiction to uppers.

    It was about this time I met Jane, my wife!
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2018
  7. Eric!

    Eric! Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    To customers that are rude and feel entitled- "This is the point where the customer is NOT always right! We don't need your business, NOW GEEET THE FOOOK OUTTA HEEYA!!!
     
  8. I'minmyunderwear

    I'minmyunderwear Newbie

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    when she returned a fully functional DVD player?
     
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  9. GeorgeJetStoned

    GeorgeJetStoned Odd Member

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    Hah, no, she worked in a toy store.
     
  10. scratcho

    scratcho Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    Don't waste a buncha'words--just reach over and slap ém real good on the forehead: When he/she looks at you--just say: fly.
     
  11. Driftrue

    Driftrue Banned

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    That made me feel like I was reading an except from a Chuck Palahniuk novel
     
  12. GeorgeJetStoned

    GeorgeJetStoned Odd Member

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    Yea, I liked Fight Club!
     
  13. McFuddy

    McFuddy Visitor

    Such a dude book/film. I'm almost ashamed for liking it as much as I do. Basic dude. Let me go watch football, belch loudly and cat call while I'm at it.
     
  14. Irminsul

    Irminsul Valkyrie

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    What you want a heart attack why the fuck you Eatin cheese n bacon burger for you fat marrfucker
     
  15. tkm954

    tkm954 sub

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  16. la Principessa

    la Principessa Old School HF Member

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    When I worked at Dominos a guy called me a "fucking retard" because I took too long to figure out how to enter in his order. It was literally my first day and the manager sped through explaining the program in 0.2 seconds and then left me alone with the phone. See, my problem is that people look at me and assume I'm a brainiac for some reason. I'm intelligent but I'm not a savant, I still need training when it's a brand new thing I've never done before. Maybe it's the glasses? Idk

    Had the guy not immediately hung up on me I would be told him "Hey asshole, I showed up for my first day literally five minutes ago, no one fucking trained me, and who the fuck are you to judge me when you're probably in your mom's basement ordering pizza at 1pm on a tuesday."
     
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  17. la Principessa

    la Principessa Old School HF Member

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    Who orders pizza on the phone anymore anyway?
     
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  18. tkm954

    tkm954 sub

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  19. Niamh2636

    Niamh2636 Members

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    I've never ordered a pizza in my life or a burger for that matter.
    Do I feel as though I'm missing out....... nah!
     

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